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Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
Shyness 101 according to Miss Hepburn, hahaha. I make myself laugh.
Fear is at the root of these social anxieties, yes.
The initial core fear is the fear of abandonment as a baby...can't get much more basic than that.
If we are abandoned we will die.
So, rejection (being judged, disliked, disagreed with, laughed at) =s abandonment, which =s fear....at the core
is our initial primal survival... self-protection.
Shyness is (and this is not a bad thing) is self-centeredness...
too much focus on 'us'/ 'me'.
If we were to enter late to a party, for example, all eyes were on us...
ha, how awful for a shy person...!...
if we turn our focus from ourselves and turn it to the hostess and say, "What a beautiful house! I love it!"
Then, turn to people as you are taking off your coat and smile and say
a big, enthusiastic "Hi!".
Now, where did the shyness go...we are now being kind and giving our love and attention to others. 
I didn't go to therapy 20 years ago and not learn 'something'!!!  |
I can relate to all this. And to the core fears of abandonment and not feeling safe and connected in the world and feelings associated to death. That is a very real issue in all this holding introverts down. Or the reverse, just wishing to die because *you cant get out* of this trap in yourself.
Inward focus as a child can be turned to the extreme if their is no one their to help bring you out of that focus, support you to be more open about feelings and what you see. Rather than internalizing everything and holding it all in, creating no room to express or feel more clearly knowing you alone in all this. This in some ways sets up a pattern whereby your focus is always deep in thought/lost in self and not in balance of being and sharing that focus outwardly. This then sets up a perception as having nothing to give/shy and closed off, so naturally the balance of giving to self (self centred) cannot be balanced in receiving (Self expression/received by the world) Self bringing itself out (inclusive state) to build a more complete picture of yourself others and the world around you in yourself, creating a more balanced way of being inwardly and outwardly reflected. Or as someone mentioned more balanced as an ambiverted nature.
I think the balance works for both introversion and extroversion. You can be too far out in the world not taking time to inward reflect and build the balance as well. So often then you will find people like myself who say are in introverted mode, feeling overwhelmed by extroverts who have no down time in themselves, no balance of inward reflection to counter out their constant projections in outward processing mode. So naturally in my introvert mode I will perceive everything they are relaying inwardly and they just keep bouncing off every wall in themselves without a care in the world. Then most often you will hear introverts saying they feel drained and its all one sided in connection. Which will deter people from interacting unless they are in their own extroverted state to understand and flow more readily..or if they have found their own balance to manage it more so.
If you have ever watched an extrovert in full flight in a room full of introverts who don't have the balance to build flow of inward reflecting and flowing outward sharing, their is a very defining moment of all being centred around *one* person. The extrovert blissfully unaware that their introverted friends might want to talk or might want to share all the while perceiving they are *great listeners*.. All the while being very happy as the centre of attention, carefree and open..lol Then the introverts in fear mode of that very thing, will judge the extrovert as being self absorbed/selfish all the while they are being the same, just in inward reflecting mode..lol how confusing people can get by not accepting themselves..
Never judge a book by its cover
Wait till you have read the book complete to make your mind up
to then let your mind go and read it again
All the while knowing you are the book
The judge, the mind, and the one reading it
both times.