Hi, thank you very much =)

I use to feel when he was in trouble etc, not well, years after break up, but I have had the danger-thing with other family members too which would suddenly brought in a very intense feeling, I would know when it began and when it was over. He even had to witness that one time as it happened during love making when I suddenly knew, felt someone I loved very much was in danger and had to make a phone call. Did not know what to tell him. (I was right). I felt so very foolish afterwards. Another moment, too while love making!!! (Whyy), I saw the ugliest sight ever suddenly behind his back and on his sides, this dark energy, energies "feeding", it last for few seconds.I could never tell him what I saw but it is still this haunting image. I have only a theory that I on these 2 making love occations, that my brain was opening up in a spiritual way that I did not know it could do. Saw "The Conjuring" the other day and it hit home right when Mrs Warren describe having seen these dark things "feeding" of the wife/mother of the household and too the children, right on the back and on the side, just like I saw all these years ago. I feel so sad that this or those energies came to hurt him, feed on him, as he was grieving and drinking, but still he was OK, he was good, when he was with me. I did not tell him or anyone as I was trying to tell myself it was a hallucination. I should have just taken a chance and told him! But what would he have thought o me? I was worried he would think I had imagine it, that I had some sick sex fantasy even, that I was mentally ill but going under cover. The sight is too why I easily worry that I don't want him too close to earth, and I don't want him too close to the lower energies where the negative feelings are stored and beings there, and where I feel as if addictions and abstinence is there too, it is all collective masses, and he could get stuck, if he remembers too much of who he was.
Back then his family was so happy that I was his girlfriend as they thought he handled it, his grieving, better because of it because he had me. We would talk for hours, he and I, we use to be really close. But still I never ever dared to speak about what I saw.

I think he could be classified as a periodic drinker, and it took waaaay longer than it should before he got help, or accepted help is more the term, he never wanted help from nobody. He was more a helper. He took care of me.

When we were a couple we did talk about life and death but being careful. Had it been today I would have loved to just sit down and talk to him as there were too many coincidences.

I have not been able to confide about this connection before with family or friends or a new love as people would believe I had and have romantic feelings for him, and that is not the connection.

He too would make me angry a lot of times, when meddling in my love life, with no respect for me telling him to not call again etc. He would stay away but then he would in some way return. We had at one point determined that we would be friends, as in the kind of friends that have no contact but have no enemy feelings.

I still only feel this very sothing, loving, safe connection streaming from a string from him to me. I don't know what this is if not channeling. I'm not complaining about it, don't get me wrong, but I don't want him taking any chances and get stuck.

When we use to be a couple, I always had this "symphony" of a connection with him, always this silent magic, special feeling with him, even if he was in the kitchen and I in the living room and we were not doing anything particurly romantic, we could be silent too a lot of times, but we just were. That too was like a string, a tube of invisible connection, and our every day life was not boring I guess because of it, because we were feeling this, I could tell he was feeling it too, Istill have no name for it, all I know it felt real. And I never talked to him about it.

One time years after break up and just a very short period after I had gotten out of a disastrious relationship (rebound), I met him, and at one time we were in a park, and the memory of the old special feeling, connection was starting to play again, that "symphony" but I then stop it, I don't know how, but I was still then feeling it a little, but it was not as strong and not as enough as it had once been, but too it could have been my fear that stoped it from going stronger. He would ask me to give us a new chance and I would say I couldn't, that I was not in love with him anymore and shouldn't be in a relationship, and it was too like that, that I was not in love, and I too panic at the idea of being brought into the old pain of what once was, and just did not feel strong enough to do that, and I guess I did not trust him to protect me. I don't know. I just shut off.

He would try to talk to me about it. He would say to me that to him there was no difference between being in love and loving me, and he still loved me, and that at the time only put extra weight on me, like I could not breath. He too said if he was going too fast with this we could take it slow. And I said again that I could not be in a relationship with him. He then offered strict friendship, as long as i wanted, but to please not shut him out of my life again. He made me feel worse and worse. He said "I can handle it", if it was only friendship. I felt he was a good man. I told him that. But I couldn't do it. I could not do that to him. It was so rotten and it made me feel so quilty that he himself placed himself like that, it wasn't him. He knew I had come out of a bad relationship, that shook me, even if I said very little about it, and that he blamed it on that being the issue, that it was this other persons fault. Through his eyes nothing was my fault! Nothing! I thought can't he see what a rotten person I am? Terrible memory, I had been too ashamed to even remember it, as in only lately. It did not even exist, matter to me before, and it was not because it wasn't important. It was because I have been so ashamed to even think it was real. All of that was my fault and then I chicken out. I never gave us a second chance. I never waited for that symphony to get stronger. I just ran. It all make me feel like I don't deserve feeling this string from him these days.