[Gem]

The good reflections on the meditation are about a process more than a goal in the sense that change is inevitable and ongoing. Change implies a past, and even where the experience of psychological time is illusory and 'now' is all that exists, the fabric of the universe itself holds its history just as a person's mind is indelibly etched with their own life path memories.

During our life-journey we experience circumstances that are traumatic enough to undermine our ability to survive, and for the sake of living, we put things aside which we can't deal with until such time as we develop the fortitude to endure the traumatic feelings without survival being threatened. Hence we develop avoidance strategies that prevent traumas from surfacing to our conscious awareness. These work via a process of distraction. As the unwanted element peeks into consciousness, we react adversely to it and also generate a desire for some sort of pleasing experience, and this elicits the volition to run from the discomfort in pursuit of pleasure creating the illusion of a self enduring time. In Buddha speak it is called 'rebirth'. Hencewhy volition is the essence of kamma.

The buried stuff needs to come out, so rather than continuing the activities that work to keep the ugly aspects of self hidden in unconsciousness, secrecy and shame, one ceases such activity deliberately buy ceasing volition entirely so as to look and see what 'already is'.

When a person first stops to be aware of what the breathing feels like - it is a simply matter because all you do is pay attention to that sensation - however, one soon finds that the mind wanders off and generates melodrams and so forth. In this way, immediately upon attempting to feel breathing, one begins to become aware of their quality of mind. Thus, breath awareness is not 'just' breath awareness, but also a vehicle for self-knowing.

By ceasing to do things so as to feel your breath... the avoidance strategies I mentioned cease, and naturally, the things avoided are let loose and freed to come into conscious awareness. It's barely noticeable at first, but should one persist in meditation, they will find out how much emotional content is caught up in the mind/body from life-events that have long past. These can come into the light of conscious awareness, change as they are wont to do, and dissolve in a process of purification that clears old gunk from the channel through which the infinite outpouring of purity could be expressed.

You need not believe in some such outpouring, but you might feel density in you from underlying misery kept down so you can get on with the day. I don't say that's a bad thing. We couldn't get on with the day to day if overwhelmed by these necessarily suppressed life issues, and we have very good reasons to keep things down. Hence we don't deal with the life issue directly, but rather, we deal with our ability to live through them without becoming overwhelmed. That ability is equanimity, and meditation is the practice.