[KonrD111]

About 2 years ago I discovered the "non dual" state of mind which was so powerful that it brought upon a dark night of the soul basically where I'm questioning all of my beliefs and reality. But even though I can't unsee the truth that I saw then, the state itself has been obscured by my OCD thoughts, that's the best I can describe my problem, the "point of entry" into the non dual state where I choose to let go of attatchments (and then the "void" appears) , I messed that up by trying to move it out of my brain and now basically I have this psycho somatic problem where I'm trying to re enter the void but it doesn't work.

One of the conclusions I came to is that this is some kind of unconcious defense mechanism where my ego is trying to sabotoge the awakening process. So I figure I need to re enter the state to continue my spiritual progress, and yes I also realise that enlightenment isn't about being in a state constantly and I should just focus on what the experience taught me rather than trying to get it back.

I've been meditating for about 3 years, I have asked about this on other forums and people have advised me to find a spiritual teacher/guru which I'm still working on finding (pretty hard as I'm only 20). But maybe there is something I can do on my own?

Other information:

Technique that led me to the non duality experience: search "actualized.org - Meditation On Steroids - How To Get The FASTEST Meditation Gains" on youtube (I can't post links yet)

Video that best describes what I experienced: search "Steven Norquist Speaks at the 2010 SIG" on youtube , Jed mckenna's books on spiritual enlightenment do it well too.