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Old 13-01-2022, 08:23 PM
asearcher asearcher is offline
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 1,449
Hi LostSoul13!

I have to apologize, I wrote to you first a reply and then I edited it and I wrote I think my worst so far - like a book or something - I did not think I had written all that...I can see you replied at the first stuff I wrote.

Thank you, you really think that? About "natural beauty"? I've never heard that before. I did not know why he chose such terms. good to hear it from a guy's perspective, though, thanks.

It was just my face, and not my body and so I thought here we were talking about weight and he shows that photo of me as if to say I love you like you are - and turns out it is just a photo of my face, LOL. Like where's the rest? Not proud of that? I guess he was trying to prove that he does find me attractive. And that too backfired.

Thank you again, yes I did find it interesting to learn about nutrition, back then, sometimes I regret not working with it as of today. Who knows, maybe one day I will?

About the pregnancy - again, thank you. I have never heard other people tell others to go on diets during pregnancy. I was made fun of a lot during my pregnancy, I was ready for some of it, but not once did anyone say anything nice. I would ask a nurse if everything was as it should be, normal, and it was. I was very particular about getting nutritious food in me during pregnancy, but even so it was all sorts of comments on how big I was, as if you can help that, you can't help that, it looks how it looks. I've always told any pregnant woman that she is beautiful and how wonderful about the pregnancy. I would never think of telling someone pregnant something negative. All one hopes for is that everything will be alright with both the mother to be and the baby.

I have thought some more about how you describe vanity. I think it is somewhat different to how i view the word. the way you describe it I don't see it as something bad, actually, LOL, but the way I see it, from my experiences is when the person who has vanity thinks it is superior to others and then too put others down, mock others. That I don't like.

Like this hot stud I was dating just briefly some time before I met my luv. The vanity in him was most likely combined with few comments he made. So it was all of that, and how I could tell even if I thought we would sit somewhat in private, how private it can now get at a public restaurant, that he was getting plenty of attention, looks, no matter what. Most likely he must have been that good looking all his life. And from what I have been told - I haven't, but we did not talk about looks in that way, not of ourselves, not of others, from my own first family, they were more into books and education and discussions...we did not have that way of talking, none of us. Not that we didn't care or completely let ourselves go, but I just was not aware that people and their value would be in category of 2 either good looking (meaning then you have status) and not good looking (less status).

My mom used to one time joke with me and say if she had my looks she would be going like this - and then walked pretending she was some super model . I guess she thought I was pretty then but that I did not get that I was?? Mothers... I think that was the one and only time that a family member commented looks, or my looks. We just did not, do not talk like that.

To be frank it is so tiredsome to be part of a family, even through in laws, where such superficial things gets to be so important.

I do understand more now, and am less mad at my luv, that his looks - it was one of the few things that his parent said was good about him. too they have this way of quickly "correcting" each other, so if someone just happen to wear something they don't think is right - they're right there to comment, "correct", that's why he has thought it was his business to "inspect" my clothes, which was a big hell-no-you-ain't coming from me. I like my own fashion and don't like it when someone tries to tell me what to wear or not, unless I have asked for advice. But I think he saw it as if I dressed the way he liked me too that then I loved him more????? I don't know, it's weird to me. Its like he got calm the few times he got to decide what I was to wear. he would remember dresses too, if I happen to have a dress on me for New Years Eve he would recall exactly when, what year. I had forgotten about that long ago. He would ask do you still have that dress? I would go what dress? How do I know?

When he made his stupid comment on my weight, that hurt, was when I had been in a hurry and brought an old bikini and jumped in that, without noticing maybe that it these days showed off more skin than before, because of the weight gain, and he didn't like that. He still did not need to be rude about it. It wasn't so bad, it still fit, but again he was, strict about not too much cleavage and what else to not show, but I'm not stupid, I have my own eyes to see, I don't need his. I know what is appropriate or not, I don't need him to correct me 24/7.

I don't know why he has always been so strict too, so sudden, he wants to inspect what ever I will have on, before let's say we are to go somewhere. Doesn't want too much cleavage but I am shy anyways so there is never much of a show going on with that department anyhow, so I don't get why he has to be that way. I don't go around inspecting him before we go out or go somewhere to see if everything is in place. It is as if he does not think I can see it for myself, and I can. He has too made me feel sort of ashamed too even if I shouldn't feel that way, just by his attitude, face expression, his eyes, I can't explain that feeling, as if I have done something wrong, only I haven't, in how I dress.

So I think both the vanity and the need for control, correcting, things having to be (in my eyes) overly perfect (like the home, household) are things he grew up with, that got to be part of him, just as mine got to be part of me, and so when it comes to those things it is like two opposites meet, or collide.

I totally agree with you - nutrition and trying to keep the body healthy by too working out - that ought to be the way to go to stay healthy hopefully. But it is so strange, it is as if they completely jump over the nutrition part, they just go for the work out part, and how they look on the outside, not the inside. I actually use to eat more healthy before we got serious and then I over time sort of fell over to his side of what to eat and as I know it wasn't so healthy I then went more back to what I eat before.

He could have done all of this into something positive instead of picking on me but each time he is on one of his crazy diets he gets to be in a bad mood and then start to look at me with those critical eyes, it's no fun, as if he thinks too he is superior just because he lost some weight, I guess it comes out of frustration - he wanted me to look a particular way and I didn't. I never had any of those thoughts regarding him. If and when he went on a diet it was because he thought so, not me.
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