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Old 18-01-2012, 01:20 PM
Sapphirez Sapphirez is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Us
Posts: 1,738
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that's a nice quote in your signature Xan

I wanted to talk to you about some eft stuff but it's sort of stuff I already asked you.. well, like, I wrote down all the things I wanted to change about myself..
and then finally I eventually made a timeline type writing about the incidents from the past that I think are affecting me; things that were done to me and things I've done to others.. but the lists are long, and I really don't know how I can tackle it all. and I guess I still don't even understand the process to do it.
this week I made myself promise to do some eft every morning from the book I told you about a while ago; the eft that is called esm and incorporates emdr, etc.. In the book, it has specific issues, from addictions to anxiety to hiccups to rage and regret, so I've just been picking one thing each day, but I feel like it's not doing anything. I didn't expect to be "all better" suddenly, but still..

I had so much faith in this, but I'm beginning to lose it. and I'm at a point in my life where I really am losing it.. so I really need to heal myself asap.

I'm being kicked out in a little less than 30 days, and I have no job or income and still feel so afraid to go out in public and do what I need to do.. and it's not even really possible for me to make enough money to get my own apartment and the things I would need to be independent (the only furniture I own is a bed and dresser) in that short period of time, but I am not gonna be allowed to stay here anymore. and I don't think anyone is going to save me. I don't know what to do; I thought maybe if I got a waitressing job it would be my best bet because it's the quickest way I know of to make money. But I feel like I couldn't handle it. I picture myself in a restaurant and just shudder.. I applied to a few places before I started writing this now, and when I thought of actually going to one of them it made me sick. Well as usual, I've given too much information.. but I wanted to express how dire my situation is and why it's so important that I need to help myself immediately.

I've been told it's possible for me to just let go, and things like that.. and I'm learning about the amazing power of our thoughts, and I want to live in a loving manner and not in fear, but I feel so troubled and in fear is precisely what I feel I'm living in.
I just did my daily dose of eft/esm, so I feel a bit better right now, but if I think about the premise of working in a restaurant or not knowing what to do about a place to live, etc.. I start feeling horrible again. sounds like I need to dissociate from my own thoughts

well lol this post ends here.. Please reply however you see fit, thank you very much
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