[Gem]

I just want to carry on since I mentioned the 4 Noble Truths (4NT) in my last post.

the 1st NT, there is suffering, kinda goes without saying because we all know that within ourselves, but I should just repeat that the semantic debate about what 'Dukkha' really means is an aside to actually knowing your own suffering.

The 2nd NT, suffering has a cause, is such a nuanced philosophy about how you cause your own suffering, harming yourself, and proceed to project that as intent to hurt others.

This subject of 'cause' is the whole topic of kamma, which deals broadly with cause and effect, but centres on the volition, though the deeper aspects of ignorance and delusion make us 'know not what we do'... which is why they tortured Christ, appareanty. This draws us back to seeing how resolving ignorance and delusion, i.e. growing insight/wisdom, in self awareness of 'know just what you do' enables one to cease doing what causes the suffering, which in reducing will to harm, enhances morality.

In normal life things happen quickly in a state of distraction, so we'd find it really hard to 'see what we're doing' and resolve that through self awareness, but when we take time out to breath meditate, we can see more clearly in a less distracted state. Even then, it requires a pretty sharp mind to really notice how you generate suffering, as much of that is going on at levels more subtle than you can currently perceive.

The breath meditation will reveal a lot of surface activity quite quickly. You notice your incessant mind chatter, your adverse reactivity to mildly uncomfortable sensations, your level of distraction, your disappointment, self defeating narrative, frustration, impatience etc. You might think all that is caused and you are subject to it all - effected and therefore causally reactive - but the deeper scenario is, no one is actually being affected and the reactivity is generated rather than caused.

The process is not linear, but if it were it would be like this: Ignorance of 'true nature'; delusion of self being effected, reaction of aversion/desire, incitement of volition (make it as you want it to be), generation of suffering. It is best to think of that as a circle with lines joining all the parts rather than a series of events. In Buddhist philosophy, this notion is called 'Dependent Origins', if you want to look it up.

It's not important, so looking up is for the most interested, but it's actually true in the way in which it is true within yourself just as you experience it. The philosophy can help clarify an understanding in the mind, but essentially, how you generate suffering is not found out by blowing the dust off old texts. Please do look it up, but don't take it as knowledge. If you see yourself reacting, disturbing your own peace of mind and generating suffering in yourself, that's the insight which enables the cessation of that activity. Otherwise you carry on 'not knowing what you do' and don't really resolve anything.

I know this doesn't sound like meditation because everyone has always said wonderful joy, god, peace etc, but seriously, life is good and bad, and meditation, at least mindfulness, is not about the states you want, but about the state which actually is.

The purpose of purification is like a terrible infection (just being illustrative here). It's painful and full of puss and coagulated gunk, but you clean it out and use fresh dressings because you know how that's it heals. Is there gunk in you? Dense like lead? Maybe. In meditation it is truth 'that's the way it is' - 'this is how it feels' and without too much distraction, let it be 'as it is' and keep feeling the air as it comes in, as it goes out.