It sounds like youíve had some bad experiences with men; sorry about that. Are you single now?
As far as me, I donít sit around each day and try to think about her. It just happens randomly, on its own. Same with the dreams- sheís in them almost every night, but I donít consciously want to dream about her. And again, from the purely sexual point of view-I donít want to physically ache to touch her again, but I do. None of this keeps me from daily living. I eat, shower, go to work, etc. And I donít sit around looking at pictures of her. I donít look at any social media of hers.
Iím not going to talk with a professional. I already know the kind of advice they would give. It wouldnít help. Do I want her back?-Yes. Do I want her even purely physically?-Yes. Do I realize that the odds and chances of her actually being in my life in any way are extremely low and highly unlikely?-Yes, of course. Odds are I will never see or speak to her again.
Part of me just wishes I could meet a decent woman who is not looking for a relationship, but would enjoy physical/sexual interaction for a while. I honestly think if I could have regular sex for a few weeks with someone else, that would help tremendously in getting over my ex. Of course I have no clue how I would even meet someone like that. But it would help my process. Especially after zero female contact for 5 years.