I have had a recurring issue in my life that would surprise me as I was use to getting along with people and feeling welcomed not only with my own family but friend's families.

With my first love he was to undergo, develop a drinking issue and when I thought it was dead serious and every attempt before had failed I wanted him to go to Rehab. His family did not. They had another culture of drinking. From stories I heard I began to suspect there was someone else in the family generation/s back with a drinking issue. The family went from being loving, supportive and me getting the feeling they got to be suspicious of me. When the break up came they made no attempt to get us back together or have any good words, as their way to say goodbye. Not everyone was like that though, fortunately but this was more of a relative. I got the impression with him that he had gone from wanting, trying and making it for some time to quit, to him then returning to drink but wanted to turn my love for him against ,myself, by me then accepting his drinking, which I didn't. He acted at times as if I had done him something, as if I was a disobedient child, to him then shift to bringing flowers etc, but not accepting it was over. It was as if I was only let back into the warmth would I be in denial and be inferior and I wouldn't.

The other relationship I was to face issues with my partner's family had to do with narcissism, need for control, to appear superior, appearance very important, all sorts of superficial status important.

I thought with my first love that he wanted to mold me into the kind of woman his family would want, and he too, being influenced.

I have felt the same way with my husband with him for instance mimicking parent with diets and work outs, and wanting perhaps in secret or not so secret a woman like that, which I have never been nor intend to become.

Thus I have felt "I don't belong" and that someone else was preferable.

Has anyone else experienced the same thing? What's your thought on this?

I got to feel let down because I wanted to feel and be welcomed into the families and not have their attitude, behavior change towards me, reason or no reason for it.

I would feel with my first love and later on my husband it was as if they stood with one foot with the family and the rest with me.