[GoldenEmbers]

Hello,
I am in a great state of confusion and I am very unsure of what to believe in.
In childhood, I believed in Jesus and I had even saw him as my own father.

There were so many Ideas that turned me away from religion. One being, that anyone who committed any sin of any sort, would be cast into hell. This one was the driving motivation of my fear at that time. I was only 12 and really scared of going to hell!

Another idea that had turned me away from religion was the idea that, as a christian, you would have to spread the word to others. I was very shy and found this to be too "preachy", though If you did not even do this, you would go to hell because the person, (if they passed away) would have their blood on your hands and that especially scared me.

Over all, I think I found all of this to be way too much work. To fully know jesus, you would have to repent every one of your sins and be an avid christian. I found that extremely daunting.

Recently, I have come across videos that say, psychics, loa and the entire idea of spiritual practice is all demonic. Of course, this scares the **** outta me! I guess I just got curious and fell down the rabbit hole with such videos.

One that really changed my point of view was Doreen Virtue's conversion from spirituality to religion. It really caused me to think about things and Alot!

A few days ago, I was in meditation (i might have fell asleep partially) and asked my guides if they were there and these really creepy, demonic voices responded. "Yes, we're here!" It could have been a dream, but man, did that scare the **** out of me!!!

It made me rethink this whole spiritual thing. It terrifies me to think that our spirit guides are actually demons in disguise and trying to decieve us. (at least that's what i think at the moment.) It just makes me wonder if psychics are even real. I don't know, are the beings that they are talking with demons or are they actually people who have passed on??? I'm so sorry, I'm just really afraid and confused.

Another question I have is, why do so many people report having ndes that involve hell? A lot of psychics and spiritual people don't believe in hell, but if so, then why are there so many people with near death experiences that report hell? Is hell really just a place of our own energy at the time of death. (hence, do we create it through manifestation?) I'm just really scared.

I hope someone could help me to understand this. I'm sorry, I don't mean to challenge anyone's beliefs, but my own. I guess what I'm searching for is clarity.