Find some cognitive behaviour therapy, that'll take you on a Journey through at least one of the unconscious cognitive processes that are creating what's rattling around in your noggin. From the state of your mind right now - and I'm not criticising - it's going to be a right Journey, but it'll be very worth it. Mine was. The other thing that's worth a look is Shadow Work, there's plenty of it out there but Teal Swan is the go-to gal. Those are probably two of the best places to start.

I don't have objective proof that I exist as a person with a name, past beliefs and such because all of that was 'dismantled'. Just right now I don't know who or what I am because what I've been left with is a blank slate and on no hurry to write anything on it. Yeah I go through the motions because I have to earn money to pay the bills, but it's a stage and little more. For most I guess it would be disconcerting because there isn't an 'anchor', the sense of 'I am' certainly doesn't feel any kind of solid so psychologically it's like floating in space. It's not dissociative because there's no unconscious volition to distance myself, but then there's no volition to associate either. Whether or not that makes me a whack-job or not I don't know, but Spiritually it's interesting.