[Gem]

Wandering mind.

This is not a problem and we can't control it. We don't choose to wander away, nor do we choose to notice that we have wandered away. We just wander off unawares, and suddenly, for no reason, we notice we have done so. That's why when we do notice we lost track of the breath, we simply accept, mind wandered off, and resume meditation.

Maintaining constant awareness for a whole minute is very good. Mostly, mind will wander more frequently. Because of this, most teachers add something like counting, controlling etc which enables a longer attention span... but it's not correct. That is how the ego through aversion to erratic mind and craving for better attention elicits the volition to distract you from a 'just aware of what is' state, and returns you to the state of 'making it as I want it to be'. That volitional state is opposite to the state of pure observation which enables the purification.

This mindful meditation is 'pure observation'. As my teacher once told me: "all you do is observe; dhamma does the rest".

We sit up to meditate but the attention won't do as it's told. You intend to just feel the air, but after some seconds, it's off with the fairies, remembering the past, imagining the future, anything but being aware and experiencing the actual moment of living. But that's not a problem. At some point maybe after a couple of minutes, you notice mind wandered away, and without the slightest judgment or opinion about that fact, simply resume feeling breaths, one at a time, one after the other.

When the mind just wanders off, that doesn't reduce the calm or depth of mind. The depth and calm is only affected by judgment-ergo-reactivity. For example, if your attention is generally about 20 seconds and you incorrectly and adversely judge that to be inadequate, your reaction will agitate the calm and the 'wrong effort' to 'make it as you want it to be' will impede the free unwinding of purification. Contrarily, the reaction produces impurity ('generates sankara').

20 seconds attention, 10, 30, whole minute or 10 minutes makes no difference. It is what it is and it can't be controlled, so simply resume time and time again until your allotted session time is up.

If you notice that your opinion about your wandering mind, your judgment about how erratic your mind actually is and your aversion toward that fact is agitating the mind, and there is a negative narrative like, "I'm useless at this", "It's not working (for me)", "It's hard and I don't feel like", "my ADHD...", "Ill never get it" - you can see how it's all negative and conflicting with your actual intent. That's not great, but it's normal and you can take insight from it. You can know truly within yourself how judging lived-reality incites reactivity, the reaction agitates the mind, and the judgment's narrative is all about 'me, mine, my and I'. That's how the judgy/reacty thing is 'feeding the ego'. That's how ego is parading as 'me' without you even knowing it.

If you could follow this reasoning in some part, you should of your own understanding know why we don't add on to pure observation. If you were counting breath you would have done so from the judgment of your erratic attention, the adverse reaction to that, and the compelled desire to have a longer attention, thus inciting the volition to fabricate counts to 'make it as I what it be'.

Mindfululness is completely different. We simple notice and accept the truth: my mind is much more erratic than I thought it was - Resume mindful breathing.

The mind is better trained in this way. We know it makes sense that what you practice improves. If we practice attending we get better at it. After a month you find your attention span is longer and the length of time you drift away for is shorter on average, and are happy enough with continual improvement.

The motive is very important. If you do this because you think you can get what you want, this is the the wrong meditation or that purpose. This meditation is impelled by what is or the best.


This is how I'm going to say it.

The first truth "This is suffering" is already known. I have misery and I spread my pain with intent to hurt others. E.g. every time you get that impulse to elicit an adverse reaction from someone else, you can easily notice how that originates from adversity in yourself. Then it's a simple discernment: is it for the best that I generate my own suffering and cause others to suffer? If not; better stop doing that.

That judgy/reacty thing I mentioned has to stop in you for both superficial and profound, and for obvious as well as sublime reasons.

The confounding factor is, it runs deep. There's deeper trauma that we call 'deep sankaras', which we can't process right now without losing the plot and doing more harm than good. People have to stablise the balance, strengthen the equanimity, so that they are able to 'just observe' their contents as they are without judgment, adverse reactivity, avoidance, resistance and denial. I'm not going say that's an easy path. I'm going to say it gets pretty rough, but the instinct is certain - it is for the best.

That's the essence of training. Remaining calm, balanced and still minded no matter what happens.