hi john, thanks for your reply.

yes, i work thru it - unceasingly. i'm actually covered in ink (i write) and my "book" weighs at least 50 pounds (no exaggeration). i am a pen's worst enemy.

i don't really have "fear" about my situation. i have damn near wrath.

to be real honest, it equates to a black mass and is VERY "unhealthy" to say the least.

it really just needs to be severed *somehow* and i have to figure that out.

tired of the "chords of doom", the foreboding, the forecasting & predicting - pure negativity. massive. it's real bad. there's no hope & glory in what i'm going through.