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Yeah, so...
Create this image, this scenario in your mind...
You are in an intense, loving relationship...the most beautiful, awesome, heart melting, consciousness expanding thing ever!
You realise that your partner loves you very deeply, yet your whole relationship is based and built upon showing just how much it is you love them! You buy them flowers, chocolates, jewelry and things they like every day....you call them up about a dozen times a day...your love is starting to border on obsession, isn't it?
Thing is that you cannot help it because there is no other way the heart can express this kind of love in a 3D world, but it tries...maybe you are overcompensating due to an inability to truly and fully love yourself? maybe you need to "show" or "prove" your worthiness TO be loved?...who knows WHY you are smothering your partner...but they aren't taking it very well.
All they want is the opportunity to show how much it is that they love you...and not by giving you material things...not by saying any sweet words but by giving you a blast of transcendental, unconditional, cosmic love...but you have all of your walls up..."I know you love me my dear...I love you too...here, let me put a flower in your hair...".
So, love turns into an act of worship. You are not worshiping because you want/need anything, worship becomes the act of love expressing itself unto love without any expectation...until one day, you hear this:
"I need you to stop loving me for just a few minutes to let me show you just how much it is that I love YOU..."
...and you sorta go, "how could I ever stop loving you, even for a second?"
Then, the voice speaks again..
"True love is not about what you feel... it's about what you don't feel. It has the ability to let go, accept and to trust fully...do you trust me?"
When a Bhakta gets to this point, they will usually find themselves in full prostration, face down on the floor, waiting for the universe to consume them out of a sense of humility, unworthiness, insignificance...trying not to feel love without any negative connotation...as I was.
What happens next needs to be personally experienced and that's all I could ever possibly say about that.
I have been through this about a dozen times in my life and I know that I could do with more...a LOT more..
Thing is that over the years I have taken all of this love for granted, as we also often tend to do...the love is still there of course, but the passion has died...the fire has gone out...on my side only, but not on God's side... that's if we are going to go the dualist route and actually believe there are "sides" involved in one's relationship with or to the Divine.
I cannot remember the last time I was totally lost in trance... Sometimes I will feel one coming on, but it is always "not now... can we do this another time?" and I will think and reason my way out of it...until in the end, the prompts don't bother prompting me anymore.. .Me: "not tonight dear, I have a headache"....God: "want some Tylenol?"...lol
The ego is going to fight surrender every step of the way...even the 'loving ego" comes up with any and every excuse and God has heard them all before..."why do I need to surrender to you when you know I love you?" is a good one. Then I get "yes, but can you feel how much I love you?" and I go "I know that you love me" and the reply is "that's not what I asked you?"
.....and I walk away singing the Barney the Dinosaur theme song.
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