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Originally Posted by Rosewater
I have been hurt too many times in my life and too forgiving.. i have let people in my life too many times that have hurt me in so many ways.. i finally cut those chords.. do i really have to forgive them? i feel like forgiving them no longer holds them accountable for their actions.. they have wronged me unfairly in so many ways and chance after chance i have given them and they just hurt me.. i can't let them back in, they don't even see the errors of their ways.. so what can i do? i don't want to hold negative resenetment energy in but i feel like letting go won't hold them accountable for their actions, i also dont' really now how to let go.. as i am hurt at a deep level
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Forgiving another is not condoning their actions, but is making peace with yourself that allows you to heal. Forgiving releases any judgments you may have about them after they did what they did. Those that do bad things to us are acting with the knowledge they have at the time. In their eyes they were doing what was right. If it was not right to us, mean to us, or harmful to us, we must forgive them for they know not what they do.
What they did is something they did. It does not mean you have to hold onto it and remind yourself of it all the time. If you do such an act you are not moving forward with it, but are stuck on it, and in most cases you are living in the past.
Forgiving them does not mean you have to allow them in your life. You can forgive them, and let them go so they can find their way. As much as we want to help the world we can only help those that want help. The others we sometimes have to let go of them to allow them to grow and learn. Sometimes keeping them in our lives will do them harm in their growth because they will not grow. Sometimes it takes us letting go of them for them to realize something is not right.