Hello James
Nothing I say can help with your grief. As I was reading your post of your sweetie's last moments, I had a huge lump in my throat, as I could feel your pain but also your bravery. The sadest part is, you aren't able to grieve till afterwards, because you had to stay brave for her. Now its your time and have it, you must!
I lost my soulmate 3yrs just passed, and although I can get through the day without tears now, there's still that empty hole in my heart. I'm now with a new partner, which has helped tremendously with the length and severity of my grieving process...I was blessed with that.
I have no answers for your questions. In fact, these are the same questions I keep asking myself. We just don't know for sure what's on the other side, or if there is one. Sometimes, like yourself, I get definite signs to believe there is. Other times, I fall into doubt and wonder if its just my own mind playing tricks.
One time I might like to pm you and share my own last-hours personal experience with you. But not now....now is not the time.
What worked for me was to talk to him constantly like he was still here in the physical. At these times I felt like I was losing it...that I was going insane...and if anyone were to hear me, they would think I was. But, it kept me close to him and helped me to release all the pent-up stuff inside of me. Sometimes I'd get angry at him, sometimes I'd talk about those special moments, other times I'd just find myself prattling on about anything...raving, more like it hehehe
I feel for you and I know you still have a long road to go before you find that space without the constant pain. It took me 3yrs, as I said.
Just talk to her and know she can hear you. Set a space for her at the table or go visit your favourite spots. This is all part of sharing, without the physical touch. Each of us is different and there is no time-frame for healing. Whatever you wish to believe is true and in your heart, is what there will be for you.
Blessings
