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Originally Posted by Kiran
Nada, it seems you have experience with Asperger affected persons. About the "skeletons in his closet", well, it could might be he hasn't told me everything yet. I read your message rather like an "hey, at least you finally healed, go find someone better" than trying it with him. Not sure if you meant it that way.
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Very good perception, Kiran.
Yes, I am currently divorcing a man with Asperger syndrome. Since he was diagnosed with this neurological disability early last year, I had been intensely researching about it, as well as attending a support group for wives of Aspergers, going through therapies, and joining online support groups.
Your guy sounds very much like a typical Asperger man, based on his expressions and self descriptions. You may want to look up this condition.
Although they are highly intelligent and seemingly innocent (due to lack of executive functions and normal social perceptions), it is extremely unsatisfying (emotionally and sexually) and stressful situation for the neuro-typical females in a long committed relationship.
Due to their abnormal frontal cortex, they often struggle with determining right from wrong and they have a problem with boundaries. This has caused many problems and conflicts in my marriage.
They can never be a provider and their wives become their caretakers. 80%+ of their marriages fail even when they are diagnosed and when both partners are aware of their conditions.
Most importantly, they lack empathy. I can detect his lack of empathy from what you wrote about him.
He called you chubby. Neuro typical normal men would never tell a woman that she is chubby because they 'empathetically' know that kind of words would hurt the woman.
Asperger can not be treated and it is NOT psychological or emotional condition. Although it has those side effects, it is a neurological disability with an abnormal frontal cortex of brain.
They can never deeply love and bond emotionally with another person. Even they love another person 100% of their capacity, it is like 30-50% of normal person's ability to love and to bond.
However, they can be a good friend and an occasional date in a detached and casual relationship. - that you do not have any other expectations, except as a playmate. With teenager like exuberants, they can be fun to just hang-out with.
I just want others to learn from my mistakes.
Although I do not think that my marriage to my ex was a mistake since I learned so much from him. We helped each other with our lessons.
So, it was meant to be and I have no-regrets. I still care for and love him.
I just can not be his wife anymore. But he will be in my life.
If being with your guy is your destiny and your lesson, so be it. Just go with the flow but with your eyes wide open.