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Originally Posted by Alternate Carpark
~smiles~ thanks Jules. Deeply felt.
I like your insight\observation about shame.
Part of my dark season was me going through my own shame healing.
I've recently broken through a lifetime of shame, guided by a wonderful book ( spoken of in the what books are you reading thread)
By page 30 I already consider myself healed of 40+ years of it. I heal quick once I get the understanding.
As I keep reading, I notice most if not all of my mum's issues are founded on shame.
I am slowly introducing this topic into our discussions.
I have to be extremely gentle as one remark can send her running back to her safe internal prison.
The more I read, the more I understand how wounded mum is.
The slightest bump, even a loving attempt to apply ointment on a wound will cause her to negatively respond.
Mum wounded self is like a complicated intertwining maze or jumble of vines.
I may gently address one issue successfully, but it will trigger another one negatively.
It's taken me 12 months just to get a basic understanding of this complexity, let alone the mechanisms of each wound.
Mum is messed up, but she is also very intuitive and intelligent.
Even as she is lashing out at me or the world or herself for something i have said, whether it's related to her or not, i can see she is processing it deep within.
I know I cannot speak directly of her shame at this time, but i see this will happen sometime in 2012, so that's not far away.
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What you have to remember is it's all interlinked, so you deal with one issue and automatically it creates the next so on and so forth. I always imagine it as peeling away layers of an onion until only the core is exposed. But by the time you get to that, you've got enough tools to deal with the real issues and although it may seem huge at the beginning, it's actually not as bad as was first thought.
With your loving help and guidance your mum WILL come through this, with patience and understanding. Which by the sounds of it, you've got heaps of. But you're right you know. The only way you could understand is because you've been through it. And now you're sharing your experience and wisdom where it's needed most. And to me, that's what love is about.
J xx