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Originally Posted by Jules
AC I'm gonna hug you ((((((((( AC)))))))))))
What a wonderful, inspiring narrative and expression of love you've shown. Not only to your mum but also other's on here.
For her to be able to feel safe and secure enough to be her self is awesome. One thing I will say to you though and this is by no means a criticism try to get her to understand she's no reason to be ashamed. It's part and parcel of her healing - to accept, understand and forgive herself. (hope that makes sense).
What you've been on is an amazing journey and not only have you helped mum you've also been healing self at the same time.
Well done you xx
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~smiles~ thanks Jules. Deeply felt.
I like your insight\observation about shame.
Part of my dark season was me going through my own shame healing.
I've recently broken through a lifetime of shame, guided by a wonderful book ( spoken of in the what books are you reading thread)
By page 30 I already consider myself healed of 40+ years of it. I heal quick once I get the understanding.
As I keep reading, I notice most if not all of my mum's issues are founded on shame.
I am slowly introducing this topic into our discussions.
I have to be extremely gentle as one remark can send her running back to her safe internal prison.
The more I read, the more I understand how wounded mum is.
The slightest bump, even a loving attempt to apply ointment on a wound will cause her to negatively respond.
Mum wounded self is like a complicated intertwining maze or jumble of vines.
I may gently address one issue successfully, but it will trigger another one negatively.
It's taken me 12 months just to get a basic understanding of this complexity, let alone the mechanisms of each wound.
Mum is messed up, but she is also very intuitive and intelligent.
Even as she is lashing out at me or the world or herself for something i have said, whether it's related to her or not, i can see she is processing it deep within.
I know I cannot speak directly of her shame at this time, but i see this will happen sometime in 2012, so that's not far away.