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Thanks all, such lovely messages. It was indeed new pain, the first place I thought of was coming here to try and process it yesterday and I'm pleased I did, its really helped. I think even though it was all very new, I see clearly now why I was/am so upset about this particular person. It's all very much linked to the change in myself, the need to suddenly share this new spirituality with someone else. I havent really been very open about this with friends etc, they are not in the same place as I am and after a while I started to feel an incredible sense of loneliness. I suppose I've been trying to find that something in someone else, feeling a need to share this new path and this new love in myself with someone else. I think the previous mistakes just built up to me realising that and this person came along and made me realise all the things that needed to be realised. Even if it was just fleeting, it served its purpose. I'm just upset but I suppose what is meant is meant. I just can't help feeling how it COULD have been. But I suppose it wouldnt have been if its meant.
I still obviously feel a shedload of pain today, slight fear I wont be able to find that balance in someone else but I know this is just the pain and fear in myself talking. I best just sit this out.
xxxx
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