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Is there a way you can do a reiki level one course?
Or at least get someone to initiate you to level 1 reiki.
If at all possible I would look for a Usui Reiki Ryoho course, But any will do.
Then learn a meditation practise. Traditionally Usui taught a form of zen like meditation called Jyoshin kokyu ho. But again I feel that any breath based meditation will suffice.
Then daily alternate meditation, However long is comfortable, and then maybe a little longer. and a reiki self treatment. At least the head and then wherever you hands would feel really pleasant for another few minutes.
This does 2 things.
It establishes a practice that gives you the idea (and after a while the certainty) that you are practicing to get back some control over your mental health. The Reiki treatments will fill you up energetically so you will feel as if you aren't alone in this. The meditations will slowly but surely create some room for seeing and acknowledging what is there.
In my experience not everything that we people are made off or see as ours is pleasant. Some of it is kinda dark an extremely unpleasant. Other parts are beautiful though. Just sitting there and seeing it for whatever it is that comes up and experiencing that after something came up you can still sit their and give yourself a reiki treatment iI felt s very empowering in itself.
I hope that helps..
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