Quote:
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Originally Posted by O K Viswanath
"None of these things can touch you, as long as you believe (the word 'remembrance' is also a memory) that nothing can occur once. Never IT appeared nor disappeared. Even appearance and disappearance is a tricky thing - 'time'. Just IT present ever. That IT is YOU."  |
Thank you for taking what I said, and improving on it. I love it when someone does that!
I noticed that in nonduality, the ego can be an issue, because "it", as you say, is so elegant. But when the self is explored to endless depth, the evidence becomes clear. The self is also boundless. It can also be anything. And nothing and everything at the same time. Real and unreal. Uncomparable and forever Unique.
I still have a memory issue. Especially when I don't feel so good. I always feel "oh no I feel bad again." But my emotions don't arise in response to a reoccurance. Nor are they themselves a reoccurance. But rather in response, or relative to, the absolute newness/uniqueness of this here and now.
And it confuses me. "How can I discover what newness I am missing here now if I have never experienced it before?" And I realise, THAT IS WHAT THE NEGATIVE EMOTION IS FOR. Including the perspective that comes with it.
If I did not miss something new that arises, I would not feel negative. And so the feeling itself is urging me to pay attention to it. As inside that lackful void of negative emotion rests the very thing I need to pay most attention to. And the intensity of the emotion NATURALLY calls for my attention to it and upon it.
If there was not a newness that arises, I would not feel my lackful awareness of it.
"I am stuck here forever and feel bad."
That perspective is the very paradox I am looking for already!
I don't even need to shift it to something positive. The negative thing itself already IS the positive. Like an attempted energetic birth. It feels bad only if ignored. But when fully payed attention to and fully surrendered to with total awareness embracement of it, it becomes positive.
I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER! THIS IS AN ETERNAL MOMENT. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE UNTO IT. Total freedom.
It's a wonderful paradox. And everything is always already it.
How the negative emotions powerfully irresistably CALLS the attention to it more and more the more it is ignored, untill it becomes irresistable. Unignorable. I AM STUCK HERE FOREVER! THIS MOMENT IS UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE!
It's like a sudden burst of explosive joy.
And the negative emotion is like the breeding ground for that joyful realisation. If trusted. And I know the eternal law enough now to trust it.
I'm not a master by far. But more like a new student who's still extremely curious and learning.
"How can that god awful thing be so good?!"
I used to think that it might be connected to something that is good.
Now I realise that it IS the very goodness I am seeking always already.
But there is a natural calibration process that is necessery. And the negative emotion IS the very calibration process. It isn't the negative emotion that calls for it, that negative emotion is already the calibration process.
It is the birthing process of the newness. Painful and calls for the total awareness of it. Attention. ATTENTION. Goodness NEWNESS IS BEING ATTEMPTED TO BE BIRTHED IN YOUR AWARENESS.
Similar to walking for a long time and feeling pain in the leg. More and more. Untill it CALLS POWERFULLY the attention. And the attention that is yielded to that pain naturally inspires sitting down. Or laying down. And there is this powerful pleasure of relief.
Pain is not a punishment, but a powerful blessing. And negative emotion is the same.
I remember my worst experience in life, I discovered and witnessed nonduality first hand. I coulden't handle it. It was too much energy for little old me. But the experience was undeniable, it was had, and denied, but never forgotten. What is forgotten is only the part of me that coulden't accept it. That had resistance to it.
Some beings say that hell is a state of being you pass through on your way to heaven. Sounds similar to a rocket ride to me!
The more we calibrate to all the little details of it, the less hell it becomes and the more awe is what replaces it. Untill it becomes perfection. As perfect as angels. With flowery wings and everything.
The uncomfortable negative energy in motion is what calibrates a person to a very good newness. In that sense, existence is a hell that lasts forever. Untill the calibration to it is complete. Then it's a heaven that lasts forever. Which implies they are already both the same thing. An infinite paradox. That just keeps getting better and better, evermore sublime and more detailed with endless blessings.
I used to fear that in heaven I would long for sadness. When the longing is already evidence of a newness in processless process of being. And sadness a calibration to its joyful realisation.
It's like a baby afraid of moving its own hand out of fear of slapping its own face. All the fears I ever had are so innocent. So not yet knowing of what it's all about.
Fear calls our attention to the fact that reality is completely different to what we believe it to be. That it is a newness always forever ready to be realised. Never too late. Because it is always forever already new here and now. Never too late, for there is no time even that can ever touch it. So transcending, it is forever new here and now without even becoming anything else. Forever being unchangingly unique without ever becoming. Perfect forever always already.
It is the explosion that is so infinite that it is forevermore smooth.
I am stuck here forever. And here is so Unique, that it is uncomparable. Boundless freedom.