I've been in relationships where they caused the break ups and somehow it seemed as if I was the one who had it more easy moving on compared to them. They wanted me back in some shape and form unknown to me and then they really hit the harpoon with the I love you's etc, this a long time after the break ups. I did not want to.

I think what gave me strength was the knowing that Mr Right would never do that to me (leave) and so they were not worth having and that I had sold myself off too cheap. I did not know it so much then but their lives were as if they stood still while so much was to happen in mine.

I think in my past with my parents split up and my dad not being part of my life for years just made me cold and survival instincts kicking in that I did not want a weak man. I wanted someone to stay in the ring with me or I was better off without. That it was good I knew that now than later on.

I think the men who caused the break ups had their own baggage and I was someone too kind and too loyal and someone who could endure things I perhaps shouldn't so it was in a way I think too a blessing that they did what they did or else the relationships would have gone on longer and caused more pain than it needed.

When I have left a relationship I have meant it and I have had no regrets about it. Then I have done it for a specific reason/s and told my partner that so there has been no mystery as to why. Then it has in a way not come as a surprise as these have been issues we have had and struggled and not overcome and been taken too much of a tool on me.

I think because of the way I have been dumped, in a cruel manner and continues cruel manners for reasons I did not know as to why and when that was gonna stop (only convinced me even more he was no Mr Right, that was for sure), and me knowing you are always going to remember that, the humiliation part of it, that I did not want to do that to someone else and I haven't, even if I too have been hurt and angry.

Things has in the past been rocky in my marriage and I would wait for him to dump me when he was angry and him delivering all kinds of words but not them. He would tell me to not listen to him when he was like that and that he even had memory-loss, was so upset, of what he had said or not. He does not have that temper no more. I think he felt/knew somehow, that if he did dumped me that would have been final, he would not be able to get me back.

What do you think is worse, to dump or be dumped? Or maybe it depend on the relationship, the feelings towards the ex?

(PS edited this post above)