I popped back on just to answer this from my viewpoint since I’m one who questions what’s achieved by forgiving. And what does it really mean? The ‘whole notion’ is pretty wide in scope. I read in your and other posts about clinging to a grudge. I suppose that does happen although not always. If trust has been broken; loyalty injured the best bet is to make sure it won’t happen again. All it takes is a decision.

One way of looking at it is the “offendee” (!) can’t help being who they are so who am I to blame or even think they need forgiving. It might be best just to stay out of their way. If one’s clinging to a grudge retribution is far less work and if successful evens things out. There’s nothing wrong with “I got my own back!” (God, in the Bible was quite good at this.) It's no less spiritual than endless introspection and contemplation which could be prolonged and a path-changer that might or might not be a good thing.

I don’t get angry except with myself if I’ve been taken for a fool – and thus, been a fool. The solution is resolve not to get taken again.

But reactions must depend on what’s being forgiven. Pecadillos can probably be dismissed easily. Things that cause spiritual and/or physical violation, not so easy. Rather than go into paroxysms of spiritual angst I’d probably keep the person out of my firmament altogether or move out of theirs and let them suffer the fallout of their bad conscience if they have one.

In situations from which people can’t easily escape: an abusive marriage or parents it’s best to get out as soon as one can, surely. The wife beaten by her husband might forgive him when he says sorry but, with no guarantee it won’t happen again, she opens herself to recurrent attack. Hence the doormat. Same if you’re always giving someone money and they always say “I’ll pay it back” but don’t. Doormat.

So if one does want to restore equilibrium it’s only worthwhile if the forgivee shows genuine repentance.

This rambling probably doesn’t answer your question but at least explores a different view that’s stood me in reasonable stead so far through my days on this increasingly messy planet.

Thanks for the challenge! Back to hibernation, then….
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