"Ethics" for 3rd party readings
 

I have a question I'd like to get some opinions on. I'm not sure if this is the right area for it, but it's my best guess lol.

I have a friend I'm going to call Anna. Anna has a friend we'll call Sam. Sam is psychic, and does oracle readings and works with pendulums. A few days ago, I was talking to Anna about a job possibility. The next day, I got an email saying "I talked to Sam about the job and spirit told him XYZ. He consulted the pendulum and it confirmed it."

I emailed her back saying that I was not comfortable with her soliciting readings from Sam on my behalf. She responded that she does it all the time and it's no big deal. She then told me all the other times she's consulted Sam for people, including on major health issues, relationships, etc. She then "confronted" me about something Sam told her about me, which was completely untrue, and said I was "lying by omission" when I didn't tell her about the it.

I think it is inappropriate to ask someone to read a third-party without asking. I think it's more inappropriate to intentionally read a third-party and pass potentially sensitive information through an intermediary. It doesn't bother me so much if it's inadvertent and the person isn't sure how to get a hold of me...ie, "I had a message given to me in a dream about Kat's potential new job, can you tell her XYZ for me?"... but for some reason it grates that it was intentional.

She thinks that any information helps, and it's perfectly fine.

What do you think?

(PS...She knows I was going to ask this on a forum. She just asked I not use her real names)

Well in an ethics situation it would be unethical for your friend to ask for a reading without your permission. As a reader it is also unethical to do a reading for someone without their permission. It's also probably why many readers will not do a reading for a third party as they do not know if permission is granted. As it's something that your friend seems to do all the time then I would imagine the reader does it as well all the time for her.

She may think it's "no big deal" but that does not make it something one should be doing.

thanks Innerlight, that basically sums up my position on the whole thing. I also wonder if the lack-of-permission issue is why his unsolicited reading was so completely inaccurate. She swears by him, however, to the point where she won't believe me that the things he said were wrong.

I would say yes, the lack of permission is exactly why it was inaccurate. They were blocked from knowing the truth with a "gift" from the divine.

It's a shame that she puts her trust in him as being correct and you not being.

It sounds like your friend needs some wisdom to guide her. It can be quite dangerous traveling the world with blind faith so I always remind myself: no matter how sure I am in my belief there is always the possibility that I am completely wrong. This keeps my head sane.

I agree that it is wrong of her to solicit the reading and it is wrong of him to provide it. I will not do so myself.

Your friend's willingness to blindly believe what the reader says over what you tell her is harmful to your relationship. If she is unwilling to consider how disrespectful this is, I would be reevaluating just how much of a friend she truly is.

For me, this would be a "make or break" issue. It is an opportunity to talk about the situation and learn from it. If she does not respect you then it may be time to respect yourself and find a friend who will.

I am reading my answer to you and realize that I am feeling quite strong about this. It surprises me that I do. I hope my answer does not seem harsh to you. I don't mean it to. I guess I am taken aback by how your friend is treating you. Perhaps it is the part where he says you are "lying by omission" and she believes that.

To me, reading a third party is wrong on so many levels. How does the reader know the third party has given permission? They don't.

This might have already been said :smile:

I'm actually more concerned about the ethics of this Sam character than your friend, Anna. Anna had her heart in the right place, at least. Sam (or any diviner) accepting a reading from a third party makes me leery. A good professional would have known to say "no" to that kind of request. Much of the benefit of divinatory consultations comes from direct contact with the querent.

Anyone reading me (not counting a surface glance) without my explicit invite are making a hostile attack and will be repelled with all means available. If anyone consults the spirits regarding me it is up to the spirits' discretion. If anyone consults the spirits on my behalf without my knowledge and advance permission, they are incredibly rude and I would reconsider said friendship.

Thanks for the perspective. I'm not sure, at this point, how I'm going to handle her but at least I know I'm not completely overreacting.