To be honest, it is difficult to penetrate what is really going on behind your words.

And I am not someone who prays to Michael or any archangels, so that is not something I would do for you.

But at some stage you will have to start helping yourself, and you might start by considering that your life of being abused was a karmic choice on your part. You can tell yourself that this should never have happened, but that is denying the reality of whatever did happen. If you cannot accept your past then you will always be imprisoned by your past.

I still wish you peace.

Imagine, the whole of you is like thoughts connecting in your mind.
A>B>C>D>E>F>G>H
Your consciousness views the whole thing, it connects together to form you. Each thought branches off in multiple directions, and has a set way of working.

You also have your emotions, your way of dealing with them and feeling. Your emotions/stress can force your thought patterns in a new direction, burn out previous thoughts faster and change your overall conscious state.

For me it got reduced, worse and worse. Things I thought couldn't be stolen, over and over, deeper and deeper levels. Whole pieces of my psyche.

Unable to deal with higher emotions, always feeling emotions, but shaking violently when I felt something that was handled by a stronger version of myself. They were always still up there, my light and my frustrations. I had to treat myself in new alien ways to deal with it/keep track of myself. Sometimes I lost my temper and fought people I never would've, in a foggy dreamlike state, a nightmare.

I felt high, knowing people normally lived happy, I felt so obligated to everybody. Now I'm just a parasite, making a fool out of myself online and attracting the ire of a mod ig.

What do you consider a person? What do you call karmically fair? I tried my best, I literally just wasn't fully there... what is a soul? I said things I regret, lost myself and posted thought-walls that I would've feared posting if I knew I ever would be in a state where I could.

Luck and power are the deciding factors behind everything in the world, based on what I've seen. Spiritual realms exist, but they're just higher pieces. The survivors of spiritual demons and dangerous realms are the ones whose stories you hear.

Sure, there are levels, in what humans can see, where it's suboptimal to believe it's luck... people have to manage themselves how they have to. If believing/feeling you're transcending luck/the misfortune of the world entirely is how you access those realms, then that's what you'll experience.

There have been cases that cast doubt on typical theories behind reincarnation, like multiple children having memories of the same past life. How do you know universal karma and fairness is a thing? Maybe it's just another excuse. Maybe what we perceive as karma is another mathematically explainable construct of the universe, like the moon orbiting the Earth, maybe it can be ****ed with/broken/bypassed.

RainJQ
I sure do feel for your situation.
Though I can't say I fully understand it.
Is this something that has recently changed in your Life suddenly?
Or slowly over time?


I will Pray to the Creator of the Universe for you that you get some
Help,Health and Happiness.<RainJQ>

There can be Peace after abuse and bad luck.

You need professional help you need to speak to a counsellor you have a lot going on within yourself.
you need help to sort through them and deal with it one at a time.


Namaste

"Go seek a counsellor" often is a great answer but is not the solution to every problem. It doesn't quite apply here, though it did at once point and could later on.

Thank you a lot for praying. It's happened slowly over time, I've fought it in the past but I couldn't find the way out and recently things have gotten worse.

I can understand things out of your control, pressing down and having a feeling that things are feeling hopeless.
I can hear your stress and opposition over the situation.

If you can focus on those things that you do have control over you can turn things around.
By changing the negative things in your control around to positive it should start to turn those things around.

For example.
If I tell myself things are getting worse, I am honoring that negative with my voice and thinking.
(Positive Spirit has a hard time working when you honor the negative)

I don't want to honor that negative, I want to honor the positive.
I need to turn that around and say and think "things are getting better, I am feeling positive".
Even if it is not the reality and you don't believe it. Keep changing the negative into the positive.


Stand strong in yourself and turn these things around.Commit to it.Claim your space.
Make positive affirmations into your space.If you meditate meditate, whatever works.
This is the only way I know.

Even pleading for all the help in the world does not do much until you can become a positive force inside yourself
to attract such positive into your life.
No matter the situation or the help required, AA, angelic or whatever.
It is a basic principle in Life.

Think in simple terms. positive and negative. Change your environment with music
or whatever works for you. Bring in the positive. Make Gratitude lists and keep it simple.
Qigong or other energy clearing things can help. Whatever floats your boat.
Keep it up, whatever you can do to turn your inside from fear toward Love.
This is your starting point. Dig deep inside and feel your LOVE and know that you will slowly start seeing a change.
It will take as much time as you require.
You will build a positive energy bubble around yourself and the negative can't penetrate it over time.SEE.
If you are a negative source in your own bubble, you can only expect negative.
Build a positive energy source inside your bubble.Anyone can do it.
Take control of your bubble and only allow positive inside.Guard it, take charge of your bubble.Time will show you that turning negative into positive works.

I know this is all basic stuff and it may seem like I am dismissing your situation.
I assure you I am not, I can sense your seriousness in the matter.

Do not hesitate to seek outside help, because another simple law is 2 is better than 1 and the more the merrier in like minds.