Same old ThatMan
 

So something recurring happened last session of meditation, I experienced a massive flash of sound and blue white light ( like a whoosh sound. like a sudden huge explosion ) and thought I killed myself, it was so intense that it literally overwhelmed me and was about to go unconscious, I really had to struggle to stay conscious except...... And will tell you except what.

So after I was sure I killed myself or at least damaged the brain I opened my eyes and all was just fine, so what did @ThatMan do, let's give it one more try but this time I said to myself, If I die or damage my brain, so be it, risks have to be taken.

Moments later the same powerful flash hit me again and for a moment I thought that this time I did it, I killed myself, except....... nothing happened, it did not shock me, shake me or scare me and then I understood.. it could not touch me, whatever experience, it can not touch me, I make it so that it seemed it was touching me, how can I explain it, the whole fear thing was my own doing, nothing could touch pure awareness for that is what I am, what I was, an ocean of calmness and yet very much alive and really loud. That "whoosh" sound is the "best" word I can use to describe the sea of silence, like being on a sea beach, all alone and hearing the waters.

I literally witnessed the powerful flash but the first time I was in the middle of it as if I was that powerful shock and I had to act accordingly, basically tricking myself, but the second time, I witnessed it.

hang on there and come back to tell us more

It’s amazing when you can stay present without fear what transpires..

Thank you guys, I am hanging, I keep reaching that powerful flash, and at times it goes by me but at times it's very strong. As I was able to see more of this I came to the conclusion that this is a very powerful discharge of energy, like a ball of energy and it seems that it's hard for me to manage it.

I actually have an image to show you how it feels, imagine a vein that has a blockage for a moment and then the blood kinda creates a bulge in the vein and it's difficult for the blood to pass but it passes eventually. It is exactly like that.

* Deleted picture, just too huge*

Oh! I never felt discomfort during any spiritual experience, be it in sound, light, fragrance or its embodiment in body-mind, except as perceived initially when I found rising magnetism disconcerting.

I don't know, maybe unconscious resistance, maybe there are blockages, anyhow it does not seem to harm me in any way, it only happens in deep meditation.

I don't consider experience spiritual, just because experience is what comes and goes or changes. I'm a one trick pony - no matter what the experience is like, just observe and don't react. Of course some experiences are unpleasant and that elicits adverse reactions, others are pleasant and elicit desires. Meditation is ceasing that reactivity and keeping an even keel in any case. I consider mindful stillness as spiritual while changing experiences come and go without particular preference.

PS: the image is way too large for this page.

I would agree with Gem please if you put a pic up please make it smaller


Namaste

@ Gem ~ save experience, what else is there? Mindfulness: is that not an experience too, enacted by volition, by a doer so choosing the non-doing? Who or what is it that is equanimous and nonchalant supposedly, whilst paradoxically conditioned within form, an ego, a gender, a belief system, by memory and tendencies? Up till what ‘level of difficulty’ does equanimity remain stable? What is it, that eternal presence that witnesses all comings and goings? What is the source of the power that enables awareness within mind-body?

What’s there to say? Someone sees God and affirms He is. Others say, prove it or we’ll shrug it off as a manifestation of the aspirant’s desire. Someone says it is a fact that bliss magnetism pervades mind-body day and night like our breath, irrespective of the external; others say it cannot be so. Likewise, on a simpler level, awareness animated in an unending continuum without thought interference. All these cannot be given nor proven since it is a becoming, we become it, embody it.

Anyway, just putting these points out here although we are each probably so fixated on the path or practice we have adopted that has worked somewhat for us, that we tend to negate the possibility of multiple routes to recognition of interim truths. I use the term ‘interim truths’ because well, each crest sees new peaks appear.

I don't know the answer to what, whys and wherefores, but people are generally if not all limited in their ability for equanimity. At some degree of intensity of experience the reactive tendency starts to overwhelm. That is to say, it's not the level of difficulty at which becoming overwhelmed occurs, but that is the difficulty in and of itself.