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-   -   Please someone help me? Death by mental suffocation, and now spiritual death (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=139844)

RainJQ 24-03-2021 12:50 AM

Please someone help me? Death by mental suffocation, and now spiritual death
 
What is the big deal with other people refusing to pray for you to angels/archangels?

I'm mentally suffocating, trying to articulate, it's hard. It's gotten worse and worse and worse, like a slippery slope that gets steeper and steeper.

People are so complicated, and ig so many just... are morally weak. It's hard to hear that and consider it as something you are. It's not black and white, either. I feel like a cynic, I didn't naturally have this attitude.

You people are all okay and relaxed, everything's fine and dandy... with your excuses for why things are fair, why you can let others suffer... and yeah you all live lives of your own, you're all busy. I get it. I really don't want to be unfair. But there's no guarantee that spirits are immortal or above it all in some higher realm, there's no guarantee of a fair higher universal karma... there's only faith in those things. Yeah, thoughts create/affect reality on some level... but I think you never really know what is possible, reality could be anything at all.

I preyed to Michael once, and to other arches. I told them the truth, how I wanted to spread love and be a light. They answered me fast and with great results. But it wasn't enough for my unique case, that got worse and worse.. humans weren't designed to deal with this, mental suffocation that now keeps me from even praying. And now, I'm under spiritual attack.

I used to fear losing control like other people do, to the flow of the world. To those who only have to be made to shown respect, but who never show it naturally, those who are unkind... to those who push shallower views and ways on other people. Life can be like a flow or river, a cruel one, where toxic people will drown you in the depths or pull you away from what a brighter love would think you deserve. Whole forces and systems run on them and their values.

I don't wanna die like this... I was abused, and nobody's ever known who I really am or loved me. I feel like I've never had anything, not even myself, really. I wanted to hold someone's picture in a heart-shaped locket, or enjoy a family holiday like everyone else does. I'm not a perfect person in my view, nobody is, except maybe Jesus (though, perfect depends on the beholder). I felt like I could die for people, though, I valued honesty so much and I felt bad for other people - maybe I was naÔve?

I just couldn't get over my abuse and my coping mechanisms, and I felt sick interacting with people when I couldn't fully be honest with them. It ruined me. I felt sick with every thought and comfort. I would've sought therapy but I didn't want people who'd thought they knew me to be crushed.

Then this weird situation happened to me, making me mentally suffocate... tearing what everyone considers a whole person, a "soul", apart into pieces, deconstructing it and treating it like a machine or code. I fought it and kept up, but it got worse and worse and I always feared truly losing myself. My guardian angels revealed themselves around when I was planning to off myself, told me I could get better... but I learned that the unique nature of angels means they got weaker due to my situation, as they get power from mental faith in your brain.

Then my angel told me they were being torn apart/attacked, apparently by a sorceress or something - I don't know. I've seen they can die.

Now I'm under spiritual attack, and I see how they try to tear apart/talk about the spirit, how the spirit isn't an immortal or special thing, but just a different kind of lifeform that can be altered or damaged or I could say "killed"... I try to warn people, and a mod deletes it "we can't be libel for slander!". Negative things happen all the time in life, some people are shady/cruel, deal with it... people know that some lie, and can think for themselves... **** you, going on about your perfect life and world, how happy you are, and just relying on karma or your God's favor to excuse why some will go through pain, be spiritually altered, "die" for your decision. They imply I'm weak and deserve what I get? I'll die in pure pain and uncomfort, mental suffocation, everything I valued is reduced to a joke, I feel like I'm in a surreal nightmare that I want to wake up from... well, you could've saved/helped me, but ig it was God's plan for me to be spiritually torn apart and tortured. I can't insult or taunt you... ****.

There are people who can help me in simple ways, but go "Well I don't wanna, and I don't know anyone who would do that for someone, seems a bit odd".

If your morals hinge on what is "normal" or "socially acceptable" (like people who let a child die of cancer just because they're one more degree away from them, family wise, than they feel they are "indebted" to help, I've read about people like that) (or, someone who's willing to lie to someone for an entire dating and marriage process while believing the whole time that they are undesirable and destined for breakup, only going through it because they believe their chart demands it) then you're weak.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 12:51 AM

I'm losing myself, my identity, what I valued, yet it's all still that valuable to "me"... I can't grow properly as my whole self. And all my base issues are still there and really bad on that higher level.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 12:57 AM

Everything is lost/warped in its connotation... ig?

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:05 AM

Lobotomized and dehumanized, after being made to metaphorically eat garbage my whole life... getting a taste of normal food so little, then to have this happen to me. At least everyone else lives normally, all the time. Yeah I know it's not sunshine and rainbows for everyone else, still.

iamthat 24-03-2021 01:08 AM

Hmm. You have a lot going on, and I am certainly not qualified to advise you what to do.

However, you could try reading Byron Katie and applying her methods. You seem to have a whole story about your life and what should or should not have happened and how you could be and how other people should be. As Byron Katie might ask, who would you be without your story?

You say "I don't wanna die like this... I was abused, and nobody's ever known who I really am or loved me." We have no say over how other people respond to us, but we can choose how we treat ourselves. Perhaps your task is to discover who you really are and genuinely love yourself just as you are.

I wish you peace.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamthat
Hmm. You have a lot going on, and I am certainly not qualified to advise you what to do.

However, you could try reading Byron Katie and applying her methods. You seem to have a whole story about your life and what should or should not have happened and how you could be and how other people should be. As Byron Katie might ask, who would you be without your story?

You say "I don't wanna die like this... I was abused, and nobody's ever known who I really am or loved me." We have no say over how other people respond to us, but we can choose how we treat ourselves. Perhaps your task is to discover who you really are and genuinely love yourself just as you are.

I wish you peace.


It's not that simple. It feels like you've hardly thought much on what I've said. Thanks anyway... ig?

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:21 AM

All these people who tell me to pray to Michael/arches, could so easily, upon hearing that I can't, just do it themselves in 5 minutes... can't they?

Burning, mental pain, no comforts on any level. Maybe none of you can really take it seriously.

Miss Hepburn 24-03-2021 01:31 AM

What does ig mean? And please don't bite my head off for asking, please.
Thank you.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
What does ig mean? And please don't bite my head off for asking, please.
Thank you.


"I guess".

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:41 AM

The title/tone isn't meant to be angry. It's more just crying for help. I don't have anything else left to do.

iamthat 24-03-2021 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
It's not that simple. It feels like you've hardly thought much on what I've said. Thanks anyway... ig?


To be honest, it is difficult to penetrate what is really going on behind your words.

And I am not someone who prays to Michael or any archangels, so that is not something I would do for you.

But at some stage you will have to start helping yourself, and you might start by considering that your life of being abused was a karmic choice on your part. You can tell yourself that this should never have happened, but that is denying the reality of whatever did happen. If you cannot accept your past then you will always be imprisoned by your past.

I still wish you peace.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:51 AM

Imagine, the whole of you is like thoughts connecting in your mind.
A>B>C>D>E>F>G>H
Your consciousness views the whole thing, it connects together to form you. Each thought branches off in multiple directions, and has a set way of working.

You also have your emotions, your way of dealing with them and feeling. Your emotions/stress can force your thought patterns in a new direction, burn out previous thoughts faster and change your overall conscious state.

For me it got reduced, worse and worse. Things I thought couldn't be stolen, over and over, deeper and deeper levels. Whole pieces of my psyche.

Unable to deal with higher emotions, always feeling emotions, but shaking violently when I felt something that was handled by a stronger version of myself. They were always still up there, my light and my frustrations. I had to treat myself in new alien ways to deal with it/keep track of myself. Sometimes I lost my temper and fought people I never would've, in a foggy dreamlike state, a nightmare.

I felt high, knowing people normally lived happy, I felt so obligated to everybody. Now I'm just a parasite, making a fool out of myself online and attracting the ire of a mod ig.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:57 AM

What do you consider a person? What do you call karmically fair? I tried my best, I literally just wasn't fully there... what is a soul? I said things I regret, lost myself and posted thought-walls that I would've feared posting if I knew I ever would be in a state where I could.

Luck and power are the deciding factors behind everything in the world, based on what I've seen. Spiritual realms exist, but they're just higher pieces. The survivors of spiritual demons and dangerous realms are the ones whose stories you hear.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
What do you consider a person? What do you call karmically fair? I tried my best, I literally just wasn't fully there... what is a soul? I said things I regret, lost myself and posted thought-walls that I would've feared posting if I knew I ever would be in a state where I could.

Luck and power are the deciding factors behind everything in the world, based on what I've seen. Spiritual realms exist, but they're just higher pieces. The survivors of spiritual demons and dangerous realms are the ones whose stories you hear.


Sure, there are levels, in what humans can see, where it's suboptimal to believe it's luck... people have to manage themselves how they have to. If believing/feeling you're transcending luck/the misfortune of the world entirely is how you access those realms, then that's what you'll experience.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 02:13 AM

There have been cases that cast doubt on typical theories behind reincarnation, like multiple children having memories of the same past life. How do you know universal karma and fairness is a thing? Maybe it's just another excuse. Maybe what we perceive as karma is another mathematically explainable construct of the universe, like the moon orbiting the Earth, maybe it can be ****ed with/broken/bypassed.

ImthatIm 24-03-2021 04:39 AM

RainJQ
I sure do feel for your situation.
Though I can't say I fully understand it.
Is this something that has recently changed in your Life suddenly?
Or slowly over time?


I will Pray to the Creator of the Universe for you that you get some
Help,Health and Happiness.<RainJQ>

There can be Peace after abuse and bad luck.

Native spirit 24-03-2021 10:45 AM

You need professional help you need to speak to a counsellor you have a lot going on within yourself.
you need help to sort through them and deal with it one at a time.


Namaste

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Native spirit
You need professional help you need to speak to a counsellor you have a lot going on within yourself.
you need help to sort through them and deal with it one at a time.


Namaste


"Go seek a counsellor" often is a great answer but is not the solution to every problem. It doesn't quite apply here, though it did at once point and could later on.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImthatIm
RainJQ
I sure do feel for your situation.
Though I can't say I fully understand it.
Is this something that has recently changed in your Life suddenly?
Or slowly over time?


I will Pray to the Creator of the Universe for you that you get some
Help,Health and Happiness.<RainJQ>

There can be Peace after abuse and bad luck.


Thank you a lot for praying. It's happened slowly over time, I've fought it in the past but I couldn't find the way out and recently things have gotten worse.

ImthatIm 24-03-2021 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
Thank you a lot for praying. It's happened slowly over time, I've fought it in the past but I couldn't find the way out and recently things have gotten worse.

I can understand things out of your control, pressing down and having a feeling that things are feeling hopeless.
I can hear your stress and opposition over the situation.

If you can focus on those things that you do have control over you can turn things around.
By changing the negative things in your control around to positive it should start to turn those things around.

For example.
If I tell myself things are getting worse, I am honoring that negative with my voice and thinking.
(Positive Spirit has a hard time working when you honor the negative)

I don't want to honor that negative, I want to honor the positive.
I need to turn that around and say and think "things are getting better, I am feeling positive".
Even if it is not the reality and you don't believe it. Keep changing the negative into the positive.


Stand strong in yourself and turn these things around.Commit to it.Claim your space.
Make positive affirmations into your space.If you meditate meditate, whatever works.
This is the only way I know.

Even pleading for all the help in the world does not do much until you can become a positive force inside yourself
to attract such positive into your life.
No matter the situation or the help required, AA, angelic or whatever.
It is a basic principle in Life.

Think in simple terms. positive and negative. Change your environment with music
or whatever works for you. Bring in the positive. Make Gratitude lists and keep it simple.
Qigong or other energy clearing things can help. Whatever floats your boat.
Keep it up, whatever you can do to turn your inside from fear toward Love.
This is your starting point. Dig deep inside and feel your LOVE and know that you will slowly start seeing a change.
It will take as much time as you require.
You will build a positive energy bubble around yourself and the negative can't penetrate it over time.SEE.
If you are a negative source in your own bubble, you can only expect negative.
Build a positive energy source inside your bubble.Anyone can do it.
Take control of your bubble and only allow positive inside.Guard it, take charge of your bubble.Time will show you that turning negative into positive works.

I know this is all basic stuff and it may seem like I am dismissing your situation.
I assure you I am not, I can sense your seriousness in the matter.

Do not hesitate to seek outside help, because another simple law is 2 is better than 1 and the more the merrier in like minds.

Lorelyen 24-03-2021 03:31 PM

I doubt there's anyone here who can help if only because your experiences are unique and complex and many interpretations are possible.
And we'd need to know about the circumstances under which you live.

lomax 24-03-2021 03:37 PM

first thing i did was to search your threads and look for the famous 'angel numbers'.(as usual)
Google 'kundalini awakening symptoms' and see if you're on the same page.
If yes,i ensure you that no angel or living adept magician can do anything about it.

RainJQ 24-03-2021 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lomax
first thing i did was to search your threads and look for the famous 'angel numbers'.(as usual)
Google 'kundalini awakening symptoms' and see if you're on the same page.
If yes,i ensure you that no angel or living adept magician can do anything about it.


Yeah that's not it. Thanks, though.

iamthat 24-03-2021 06:21 PM

As others have said, find a counsellor who can give you professional help. The advice that people can give you on this forum is limited.

Praying to angels can certainly help, but this seems to be a huge learning experience for you and I don't imagine that any angels are going to wave a magic wand and resolve all your issues. What would you learn from that?

Finally, have you tried the power of forgiveness? Forgiving all those who abused you and also forgiving yourself for anything you might have done to bring about your circumstances. Forgiveness is not a weak or passive process - it is one of the most powerful ways to find peace.

Peace

one-light 24-03-2021 07:30 PM

Can I ask politely if you're sleeping well? I bet that's a NO - all these people here trying to help, it feels like they're putting their heads in to the lions mouth, so here's me putting mine in as well...

Maybe your mind is on overdrive, 100 MPH then up a gear - all those messages on the first page... I think you probably have the ability to 'try' to sort this yourself before seeking help - so here's my bit - try and get some calm, all this time online head'll explode...

Single Point Concentration, phone out of the way TV off - get a warm drink, relax, eyes closed - focus on one image of the past, a nice one 'still image' - hold that thought 10 seconds, then again another, a smile, a beach and another, breathe, then another image, good thoughts of the past - try to find a landing ground 'here now' some calm to regroup your thoughts... then a walk tomorrow, near trees to raise vibes...

You can do this!! some calm now to rethink - THEN ask more questions here, when you're thinking more clearly... Everyone else I'll let you know if my heads still on tomorrow...

utopiandreamchild 25-03-2021 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
The title/tone isn't meant to be angry. It's more just crying for help. I don't have anything else left to do.

Let go of all the negative thoughts and emotions, its unnecessary baggage. Love yourself and be at peace within, for your own sake, health and wellbeing. Amen

I love you by the way, I know it isn't easy at the moment but, be strong, in time love will heal. Amen

Lorelyen 25-03-2021 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by utopiandreamchild
Let go of all the negative thoughts and emotions, its unnecessary baggage. Love yourself and be at peace within, for your own sake, health and wellbeing. Amen

It seems easy to say that but would be useful if you could suggest a workable way of doing it. Most people can't just let go, particularly if the issue has become habitual or has deep rooted causes. It usually means people have to solve the underlying issues that keeps them clinging and in the o/p's case there's a complexity of issues - hence suggesting professional help to tease them out and try to rationalise them by rethinking their relevance through (as it were) more adult/mature eyes.

There are ways more akin to the occult than techniques recognised here, aiming to put a wall up against 'the past' but trauma doesn't just disappear (time helps with that - years/decades). In ways, it adds up to the same: reviewing the dark spots by looking back - but it doesn't get rid of the experiences entirely, just mollifies them to some extent. I suspect the o/p faces a lot of work, even undoing the patterning that has concerned them about their situation, evident in their call for help.

Have you any suggestions?
.

CosmicWonder 25-03-2021 06:06 PM

Iím with a spiritual group which helps people let go. Let go of everything. It could ease your burdens. It can affect the magic. Not sure if anyone there who is powerful enough will help any other way than providing space. But in the long run if you can surrender to their light, it can help. They work with deities too. And maybe you can vent by a few people.

CosmicWonder 25-03-2021 06:17 PM

It could very well that they leave any questions about causes up to you to answer. Even if they have their views. And letting go is hard. It can take long

utopiandreamchild 25-03-2021 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorelyen
It seems easy to say that but would be useful if you could suggest a workable way of doing it. Most people can't just let go, particularly if the issue has become habitual or has deep rooted causes. It usually means people have to solve the underlying issues that keeps them clinging and in the o/p's case there's a complexity of issues - hence suggesting professional help to tease them out and try to rationalise them by rethinking their relevance through (as it were) more adult/mature eyes.

There are ways more akin to the occult than techniques recognised here, aiming to put a wall up against 'the past' but trauma doesn't just disappear (time helps with that - years/decades). In ways, it adds up to the same: reviewing the dark spots by looking back - but it doesn't get rid of the experiences entirely, just mollifies them to some extent. I suspect the o/p faces a lot of work, even undoing the patterning that has concerned them about their situation, evident in their call for help.

Have you any suggestions?
.


Ive been stuck with a negative energy attachment for ten years so I can speak first hand about that. The only way out is to be and think positive, healthy thoughts. Lifes alot easier when it's full of love. Amen

CosmicWonder 25-03-2021 06:27 PM

The spiritual group exists out of volunteers who have advanced through doing it themselves. There are no payments, not even donations possible. I can just add you and you can make an account and get on the chat server and speak to some people there and maybe already get into letting go or practicing that. Change doesn’t happen overnight though... and it might not be the case that your life itself changes. But you’ll fear it less and endure it better. And you’ll have less issues

ImthatIm 25-03-2021 10:18 PM

RainJQ
Still sending Healing thoughts, prayer and song to Wakan Tanka. (The Great Mystery)
I ask that you too keep sending your voice/prayers and thoughts also.
So we can start raising up your energies, to get the Help, Health and Happiness desired.

Native spirit 25-03-2021 11:09 PM

i Agree with ImthatIm


Namaste

RainJQ 25-03-2021 11:19 PM

I didn't blame the people who abused me. Forgiving them was the easy part.

What about counseling/therapy not being such a simple solution anymore do you not understand?

Call me a lion and blame me for my attitude.

The attack isn't natural. It steals my emotional fortitude... my spiritual attackers aren't weak either. I try to think clearer, I try to think better, I try to think of a plan. They attack me and sabotage me, as that's what their purpose is. My thoughts fade unnaturally fast and I haven't been able to grow normally or be myself for years.

I'm left with the pain and the knowledge that there will most likely only be more pain.

RainJQ 25-03-2021 11:21 PM

My private mental space and soul has been invaded.

Lorelyen 25-03-2021 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
What about counseling/therapy not being such a simple solution anymore do you not understand?

Call me a lion and blame me for my attitude.

I doubt anyone here thinks (let alone said) that it would be a simple solution. The point is the advice that people give here is limited.

If treatment isn't a simple solution can you imagine the difficulty people here would have offering advice.

Spirituality doesn't provide easy or quick answers.

Cosmicwonder up there suggested a retreat of some kind like a monastery (or convent) where you relinquish your worldly goods as a way of letting go. Whether that would work depends on what you have to let go of.
My claim about getting professional help arises from your own comment: "My private mental space and soul has been invaded."

Frankly, if you're determined to believe that then no one here is capable of fighting the invasion away.
What makes you so sure?
.

utopiandreamchild 25-03-2021 11:56 PM

Let go of all the negative baggage and love yourself, it's not healthy. Only love can heal your pain, but only when your ready to love yourself wholeheartedly. Amen

ImthatIm 26-03-2021 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainJQ
My private mental space and soul has been invaded.

I have been in a similar spot.
Of course every situation is unique.

All you can do is move forward and believe the universe and your
guides are for you.Or what ever you have faith in.

I think we all go through trials for instruction.
I can assure you that you have the greatest power and say so
in your space and Soul.
You can command your space and Soul to start turning things around.
Love is Power. The Highest Power I know of.

You need to learn how to control your space. Not to give it over to what you think is more powerful than you.

There are so many Divine Love Paths and teachings. I am sure you know of some.

Here is one such path that teaches Love. I believe you mentioned Jesus previous.
He teaches to Pray to His Father. The answer is yes and Amen.
He says His Father is Love and Light and Spirit.

His Father is All-Mighty, the One who has no beginning and no end.

Jesus The Christ says all you need is faith the size of a mustard seed and you can grow that into strong Faith and do amazing things.
Jesus The Christ also says many,many,many times "fear not".
Fear not I believe was one of His most important teachings.
Then there is Ask and you shall receive.Knock and keep Knocking.

I hope you can find some peace to begin strengthening your space.

ImthatIm 26-03-2021 01:51 AM

RainJQ

Sometimes a visual helps.

See this is your energy field. Or bubble.
That's yours and see it is controlled or Powered in the Heart.

It is okay to shed tears and clear the hurt and pain and fear.
These things can weaken the energy field.

Lorelyen 26-03-2021 09:15 AM

In cases as acute as this seems to be, unqualified advice could worsen the problem. No one here (whom I've encountered) is in a position to diagnose, and simplistic solutions like "why don't you let go?" won't cut it.

Has anyone here the understanding (i.e. experience + knowledge) of these particular circumstances who can suggest how to "let go" in a way that the o/p can apply successfully?

Even if it were total fakery, deep-rooted issues are emerging and controlling behaviour and attitude that the o/p recognises but won't reach back to find out why.

"Letting go" doesn't get rid of a problem. It pretends it hides it until the victim can resolve those underlying issues.

Having said all that I'm beginning to have my doubts.......
.


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