Please cut down on the use of quotes as they take up too much space


Namaste

I'm sorry to everyone I ever failed/hurt. I just want to die. I'm being lobotomized. Being made weaker in certain areas of my brain and character and being aware of it... having gruesome nightmares I can't be as strong against representing what's happening to me, waking up scared. Pieces of my "soul" simply ripped from me.

What does anything you've ever felt matter, if it all is contained in that which can be forcefully changed, and inevitably will?

I want to die and not have a future as a spirit, unless as a spirit I am my past self.

I've bottled up my emotions for years. Everyone I would've had as an ally or helper is gone. There is no mental escape, except that other people go on happily/have good things (I can't even fully hold it). My ability to find any consolation with that will be replaced with a nightmare.

I am not sure where you live but if its in the USA

Call this number -1-800-273 8255 they can help you if you need help if you live in the UK call the samaritans on116 123


Namaste

Thanks regardless

Use the hotline given

Yeah it's not gonna help. You people just want to feel like you're doing something good, ig?

Idk I can't delve into your motives anymore.

So according to you, we respond to you just so we can feel like we are doing something good.

Perhaps we see someone who is suffering and we genuinely want to help. But it is difficult to provide practical help over the internet which is why we have made many suggestions that you reach out and contact those who can offer such help person to person.

Whatever we say, you seem to throw it back in our faces. I don't actually understand what is going on with you, because whenever I ask for simple clear descriptions of your situation and how you have tried to resolve it, you say things like "I want to die and not have a future as a spirit, unless as a spirit I am my past self." This leaves me none the wiser.

You say "I've bottled up my emotions for years." It sounds like all these repressed feelings are now coming to the surface and it is overwhelming you. So you use dramatic language like you are being lobotomised and bits of your soul are being ripped from you. But this does not help us to understand what is really going on.

It also sounds like you carry a huge burden of guilt, when you say things like "I'm sorry to everyone I ever failed/hurt." Perhaps you think of yourself as a terrible person who is not worthy of being loved because of whatever it is you might have done. I can only assume that you were deeply rejected as a child, and you have internalised this and blamed yourself. But this is only an assumption because you don't actually provide any information to help us understand.

And you say "Everyone I would've had as an ally or helper is gone." Perhaps they have gone because you rejected them, just as you reject us and our attempts to help you. This would fit in with the possibility that you yourself were rejected as a child. Such rejection creates the mindset of "All those I love abandon me and reject me, so I will deal with it by rejecting them first. If I reject them before they reject me then they cannot hurt me."

This is all speculation, because I can only look for clues in your posts in the absence of any real information.

And maybe you will also reject all of this and say I am just responding so I can pat myself on the back and say to myself "What a wonderful caring fellow I am."

But it is also possible that I see someone who is suffering, and (like most of us) I too have suffered from having to deal with overwhelming suppressed emotions. So I try to help, because I know that once all these old fears and pain have been released then we can live in a state of balance and harmony.

Peace

I am saying no more on the matter other what Iamthat has said is correct. we cant help you if you are not willing to help yourself
please use the numbers given they can help


Namaste

I'm not saying all of you are, like I said I don't really know anymore. I know certain types of people are out there.

I've tried to explain why I can't give simple clear descriptions... tldr: you can't when you're being lobotomized, basically?

Don't feel bad for me, it's fine. Don't get attached in any way.