WHAT WAR DID I FIGHT IN?
What war he asked did I fight in? Well, I didn’t really say
So, I stopped and thought for a little while, then I answered him this way
I was in the landing at Gallipoli fighting under Turkish skies
When my father, he was just a gleam inside my grand-dad’s eyes
And I lay there on a bed in France amid the dying and the dead
With my face turned in toward the wall to hide my hideous head
I never was no hero, I simply moved by instinct, when,
I grabbed a sandbag, dived on the bomb, and saved those other men
Both my hands were missing, I lay in bed a shattered wreck
When an angel stood beside me and she kissed me on the neck
A girl no more than seventeen, my heart danced and seemed to skip
As I turned my blind eyes to her and felt her warm and tender lips
She didn’t see my patchwork face she saw a hero young and brave
For her father was among those men my instinctive actions saved
And that was me there in New Guinea with bandaged eyes and looking frail
As that fuzzy wuzzy native led me down Kokoda trail
I was also in Korea and I died in Vietnam
And one day some Aussie soldier poet will take me to Afghanistan
In dream, I was in Babylon where I heard a young lad pray
A young soldier born in Queensland; now I long see the day
That he puts his thoughts in writing for my friends, these words you mark
Your Grand-kids of the future will fight with him, there in Iraq
In the ocean where man’s spirits merge, to where life’s rivers flow and end
Don’t just wallow in the shallows mate, but to the darkest depths descend
There you’ll merge with spirits of the past, you’ll live a thousand lives
You’ll share their joys and laughter, but then, a thousand deaths you’ll die
Torn and tortured on the barbed wire, the sun searing from the blue
My revolver lying by my side, I did what God refused to do.
What war, you ask did I fight in, what war do I recall
In every war throughout man’s history mate, I have fought and died in all.
He was a travelling western preacher
A healer of renown
He would preach and heal the poor and sick
In every western town.
It was at a local council hall
In a town just north of Bourke
Where many came in search of help
They were broke and out of work.
There he preached his favourite sermons
Then he asked if any there
Were sick or otherwise infirmed
And had need of his healing prayer.
Then a lad walked to the pulpit
A young man of Aussie bearing
And he asked the priest if he could help
In some way, with his hearing.
"Step forward son," the preacher said,
And stuck a finger in his ear;
Then chanting his mighty healing prayer
He asked, "Now can you hear?"
"Oh! I can hear you mate," the young bloke said,
"I hear everything you speak,
But the Hearing where I needs your help
Is in the court house late next week."
MY SEXY ROOSTER.
When first we got that rooster, before we started selling eggs
We only had a dozen hens or so,
And them hens were feeding peaceful like, they never had a care
Till I opened up his cage and let him go.
There were feathers flying everywhere, me hens were being killed
I felt awful, cos I knew it was my fault,
And as he chased them chooks around the yard, I threw him out some wheat
And when he saw that grain, he skidded to a halt.
To watch him tuck into the chook food, you’d think he’d not been fed
And that’s when I went and grabbed a hold of him,
Me hens were totally knackerd at least the hens that wasn’t dead
That rooster knocked the stuffin’s out of them.
So I locked me rooster in his cage and walked back to our shed
And me wife was there, with food piled on a plate,
And I asked, “Why all the tucker, it’s not lunch, but then she said,
I won’t ever let 'YOU' get that hungry mate……… The Anointed.
I’ve seen spiders that were bigger, though to that I wouldn’t swear
And the sandflies and mosquitos, there every flamin where
They’re in me ears and up me nostrils, they’re more than I can take
But I’ve got to keep on runnin yea, and I don’t care about them snakes
They’re hanging from the branches and slithering ‘cross me feet
The only thing that worries me, is how to get across that creek
I know that somewhere there’s a crossing, a line of slippery rocks
But one mistake, I’m in the water being eaten by them crocs.
And even if I make it, there’s ten more miles to go
Through swamplands full of crocodiles and half crazed buffalo
Now that thunder storm has broken and the rain? she’ pouring down
I’ll be swimming in another hour, less I get to higher ground
The last thing that I want to do, is to climb a flaming tree
I’ll have every snake and spider, in the branches there with me
Some might think that I’m a mad man, battling through this goo
But if you saw what was behind me mate, you’d be running too.
It was only flaming yesterday, I finished up me job
I had a years pay in me pocket, which was worth a tidy bob
And I promised when I got to town to do the proper thing
And buy a ticket back to Brisbane, plus some matching wedding rings.
Twelve months without a woman, stuck in the scrub here all alone
Hanging out to see me girlfriend, who was waiting back at home
But with alcoholic constipation, I couldn’t pass the pub
Drank all night there with some tourists, woke up this morning in the scrub.
We were camped along the roadside, in some mobile home or truck
A naked woman either side of me, I’ve never had such luck
But when I saw em in the daylight, they were uglier than sin
Big bloated blobs of blubber, I think the two of them were twins
They were breaking wind, ‘Phew’ and snoring, all I wanted was to run
But first, I had to get away, without waking either one
Bare naked, I’m climbing over one, a leg on either side
When she wakes and yells, “no mate not me, it’s my sister who’s your bride”
Well, that’s it, me legs start pumping, and I’m bolting down the track
And I hears that pair behind me, but I ain’t looking back
I know this country backwards, the town, it’s twelve miles over there
Smack bang, right through those wetlands and if I make it mate, I swear
I’ll never touch another drop, God! I musta give that grog a nudge
Ah, flamin hell they’re right behind me, like fat pigs in the mud.
I must have been a tiger in the cot the way she’s crying
But if she catches me my future life will be worse than flamin dying.
She’s screaming and she’s waving marriage papers in the air
Well, she can keep em, all they’re good for is to wipe her derriere
But I’m still stuck here on the river bank and they’re gaining on me fast
I got to make a quick decision and it might just be me last
Rain has swollen all the rivers, they’re full of crocs and western browns.
But to get these marriage vows annulled, I gotta get back into town.
Ah god! here she is, in all her glory, with that gummy toothless grin
I’ve made me damned decision mate, "MOVE OVER CROCS, I’M COMING IN. ……The Anointed.
THE LAW OF THE LAND
Nothing will grow here any more,
Only salt rises out of this earth
Vast tracts of desolate waste land,
With not a blade of turf
And though it was done in ignorance,
And we didn’t understand
We now must face the consequence,
For breaking the law of the land.
Millions of acres of timber,
Were flattened to grow the grain
To feed this hungry nation,
But then there came no rain
The scorching winds and then the dust storms,
That blackened out the sun
And our fertile land was ruined,
For years and years to come.
We deplete the ozone layer.
In our atmospheric dump
How many tons of poisonous gas,
From our factories do we pump?
They say the seas are rising,
Encroaching o’er the sands
What a terrible price we’ll have to pay’
For breaking the law of the land.
The coral reefs that border,
This vast and wonderous land
Are under threat and dying,
Due to the ignorance of man
We hurt the earth, she hurts us back,
We must learn and understand
To live in harmony with our mother earth,
We must live by the law of the land.
Love your poetry man...
Among the thistles, we now gingerly walk....
And the heated desert sands.
I hear you, but do they understand?
I sure love my 4X4 Truck.
Yet it's been noted that Tesla's pollute just as much.
Let's go to Mars.
Artificial intelligence is going to save us...
I will just go sit at my favorite bar..
Work, who works when you own a bot?
THE MIN MIN LIGHT.
“Well, I’ve never seen nothing like it, what about you old mate?”
“Nah! It’s the darndest thing I’ve ever seen and I’m nigh on sixty-eight”
“Well where do you think it come from, it’s like something from outer space.”
“Yeah! Don’t think no one’s built it, it seems so out of place.
There’s no light I’ve seen what’s similar, nothin’ does the things it can.”
“Well do you think we oughta report it, hey what do you reckon old man?”
“Nah! The flamin thing’d just disappear and we’d be left with egg on our face.”
“Hey look, the damn thing’s following us, what d’ya reckon we crack on the pace.
Let’s see how fast this light can go, hey, ya don’t think the things alive?”
“Well, that’s hard to tell young fella, but ya better put your foot down and drive!
Cos the bloomin thing’s getting closer, and I don’t care if it’s metal or meat,
If ya can’t get this truck over fifty, then let me out - I’ll use me feet.”
“Hey, I don’t think that it’s gettin’ closer, just seems to be growin’ in size.”
“Yeah! Well the flamin things gettin’ brighter, it’s startin’ to hurt me eyes.”
“Then turn them flamin’ mirrors round, cause the light it’s floodin’ the car.”
“Yeah! And ya batteries are gettin’ weaker, Oh God, I just remembered where we are!
That’s Polygammon Creek we’ve crossed, near the site of the Min Min Hotel.”
“Oh crust! You silly old bugger! You wanted to come this way, Hell!
Do ya think we can make it to Boulia, what are our chances old mate?”
“Don’t worry about gettin’ to Boulia, up ahead can you see that gate?
Well don’t stop if the things not opened, turn your foot to a lump of lead,
And keep that pedal flat to the floorboards, till we reach that station ahead!”
Property owner .......................
“You’ll have to speak up a little Gordon, this line it’s pretty bad,
There seems to more interference tonight, than we’ve ever had.
Yeah that’s right, thought ya better know, seein’ as you’re the district cop.
Yeah, found him wanderin’ out there in the paddock, he ain’t got much up top.
Nah! He aint right here beside me, cos when Mum came out with the light
He saw it and started shakin’ then he ran away in fright.
He’s hiding out there in the woodpile, dug himself in real tight.
He seems to prefer the darkness, it’s as though he’s frightened of light.
Nah, there’s no sign of any vehicle, don’t know how the hell he got here.
Ah! here come the boys, they’ve been searchin’. Hang on, I’ll get ‘em a beer.
Yeah righto mate, I’ll let ya know if the boys found anything.
OK mate, tomorrow, yeah if there’s anything urgent I’ll ring.”
“Well, what’s the story Jackie? Did ya find out from where he come?”
“Ya, can stick that bloomin beer Boss. Where’s a bottle of flamin’ rum?”
“God! what the hell did ya see out there, anyone would swear you were white.
I’ve seen ya face mad bullocks mate, I thought nothin’ would give you a fright.
Come on, out with it Jackie, what the flamin’ hell did ya see?
Don’t just stand there flamin shakin,’ you’re startin’ to frighten me!”
“Here, have another sip of rum, careful there don’t drink the lot!
Ya bloomin greedy mongrel, ya didn’t leave a drop!
Well, at least ya colours comin’ back, now sit down for a while.
Ah! come on Jack, don’t go to sleep, and wipe that grin from off your dial!
That’s it, we’ve flamin’ lost him, righto Bruce, you better speak,
And ya don’t get a drink till you’ve told me, cos now I’ve got the flamin’creeps!”
“Well, get another bottle boss, cos what I’m gonna tell you about,
Is so damned unbelievable, when I’m finished, I’ll wipe myself out.
Cos tonight I wanna sleep like the dead, and not relive these pictures in me head.
Good, ya got it there, I see ya bought two, one for me and one for you.”
“Well, we rode down to the boundary, and found this break in the fence,
But the tracks of the truck that done it, didn’t seem to make no sense.
Ya could follow ‘em for a little while, then there was nothin’ to be found.
The truck just leapt into the air, and up ahead it hit the ground.
And those broken tracks followed no straight line, they were scattered everywhere.
It was like a bloomin buckin’ bronco, ya don’t believe me? But I swear!”
“That everything I say is true and nah, we didn’t have no grog!
But when I tell you all the rest we seen, you’ll think me brain has jumped a cog.
After goin’ through five damn paddocks and searchin’ for half the night,
Away out there in the distance, we saw this flamin’ light!
I thought it had to be the truck, what that bloke we found, came in,
And it was, well sorta, but she was smashed and all stove in.”
“And that light wasn’t comin’ from outta the truck, Nah! the truck was in the light!
With some old galoot inside it, cursin’ and screamin’ and wantin’ ta fight.
And then, he started to bloomin glow, I don’t mean he started to burn!
He just kept on gettin’ brighter, and then into light he turned!
And all that was left, was his boots and strides, his shirt and his flamin’ hat!
And ya ain’t gettin’ me out there again, I don’t care if ya give me the sack!”
“(Hic) Hi there Gordon! Yeah it’s me again mate, nah (Hic) everything seems to be right
Yeah, young fella had a hhaccident, (Hic) his truck’s a bloomin sight
Nah, we’ll bring him into town. Oh, I don’t know (Hic) later on today!
Hey Gordon, I’m thinkin’ of sellin’ me property mate, ya know anyone interested, hey!”
There was an article in the local news paper about some young people in Charters Towers, who were having a wild party on Towers Hill, when they swore that a huge and hairy naked man ran through their party and scared the living daylights out of them. Although the towns folk believed that it was only a huge kangaroo that they had seen, the story inspired the following poem.
BIG JIM HIGGINS AND THE DYNAMITE
It was here, in Charters Towers,
And, although it wasn’t ours
Some dynamite was found just out the back.
It seemed the blacksmith owned it,
And when we accidentally found it,
It was leaking all the nitro from its pack.
So, the blacksmith went and bought a
Bucket full of water,
And he soaked that lethal substance for a week.
Then when the casings were disposed of,
Seemed the danger was all over,
But for the bucket, into which that nitro leaked.
And yet he didn’t think he oughta
Throw away all that good water,
So he poured the stuff into his cooling bin,
And then what happened after
Was a total damned disaster,
I tell you mate, there weren’t much left of him.
You see, dynamite, it’s new,
And there’s more than just a few
Who have used it, and blown ’emselves to bits.
Gunpowder's used to set it off,
And even that, its dangerous stuff,
Yet they store them both together down the pits.
And in them pits it’s black as night,
That’s why them miners carry lights,
Like candles and other naked flames.
God them safety boys are nappin’
Cos one day it’s gotta happen,
And no company boss will ever wear the blame.
Last month a miner met his fate,
And I lost a damn good bloody mate.
He was settin’ off a charge down in the mine,
He took the full blast in the chest,
And though there wasn’t too much left,
We buried all the pieces we could find.
Two plugs and then some powder
And because he knew no better,
He rammed that charge down with a copper rod.
One tiny spark was all it took,
And hell that mine shaft fairly shook,
Now he’s livin’ with the Devil, or with God.
That’s the reason why they hired a Pro,
An expert who would actually know
The dangers of that new explosive clap.
And when he first rode into town
The word soon got around
He was the powder monkey bloke from Ballarat.
Big Jim Higgins was his name,
And dynamiting was his game.
He was a huge and hairy man, but not too bright.
And when he spoke, his words where slow,
But, didn’t take us long to know,
That he knew the ins and outs of dynamite.
He could blast one rock from out the wall,
And not another stone would fall.
He was an artist, a master at his trade,
And since the day of his commencement
There ain’t been a single accident,
He was worth every penny he was paid.
But Jim Higgins had a fear
Which he whispered in the ear
Of a mate of his one night while drinkin’ rum,
“Absorbin’ nitro every day,
Could have a monstrous price to pay,
Hey, do you think I might become a walkin’ bomb?”
Well, two louts were sittin’ near
And couldn’t help but overhear.
So, they planned to play a little joke on Jim,
If he thought that he’d become
A living, walking human bomb,
They were gonna scare the daylights out of him.
So, with some powder from the mine
Wrapped in packing, bound with twine,
They made the biggest bunger you could make.
And they thought it kind of funny,
Crouching there behind the dunny,
As they watched Jim Higgins comin’ down the track.
Now that hole there in the ground
It was more than twelve foot down,
And I tell you mate, that dunny was well used,
Then just as Jim broke wind,
They dropped the bunger in,
With no more than a half an inch of fuse.
Well from the depths there come a rumblin’,
Roof and walls began a tumblin’,
And a bellow like a mad bull pierced the air.
Then through the dust and smoke and clap
Staggered Jim without his daks,
With mud and blood and stuff all through his hair.
On that very day, Jim disappeared,
And the search was stopped, ‘cos people feared,
He’d crawled into a shaft, and finally died.
But they don’t realise,
That he actually survives,
In the hills and mullock heaps, where now he hides.
And in those hills ‘round Charters Towers,
In the dark and early hours,
You might see a huge and hairy man run by,
But he won’t venture near
‘Cos he has this awful fear,
That if he farts my friend, then you are gonna die.
Now when there’s lightning and there’s thunder,
I often sit and wonder,
Is that a storm behind the hills, or is it Jim
Running naked in all his glory,
Too afraid to tell the story,
Of the day he blew the local dunny in …… The Anointed.
HOP IN THE BACK
He took her to the drive-in
In his brand new panel van
And he kissed her warm young tender lips
As she grasped his wandering hands
A mattress lay behind the seat
And he asked if she’d care to lie on it
But the sweet young thing wouldn’t move
And adamantly, she refused
Now the blood in his veins was running riot
He had to win this woman tonight
His warm wet kisses smothered her face
And she melted in his strong embrace
Her breathing now was short and fast
And he knew he’d get his way at last
But what was this, had he lost the knack?
Cos again she refused to hop in the back
Her passion now stirred, the boy lost control
And it was she who took the leading role
Exhausted and spent, he lay on the seat
Then he looked at her and said “You got me beat
I really thought I’d lost the knack
Why the hell wouldn’t you, just hop in the back?”
And oh so sweetly that young girl cooed
“Cos I wanted to stay in the front with you!”...... The Anointed.
THE WATTLE TREES.
He was camped out on some no name creek
He knew his time had come
He was happy just to die out there
Neath the Wattle tree and Gum.
But we couldn't let him die that way
Even though I think we knew
That the doctors couldn't help him
And there was nothing they could do.
Yet, we brought him here so he could die
In this nice clean sterile room
Where he couldn't smell the fragrance
Of the Wattle trees in bloom.
And as I passed his room this morning
With trembling voice he said to me
"Please take me back to the place I love
Where my spirit longs to be."
"You can have my gold chain and my watch
They're all I have to give.
Plus this little book, in which I've writ
All the things of worth I've did."
"Then take this worn old body
And let it die out there,
Where the Wattle trees are blooming
And their perfume fills the air."...... The Anointed.
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