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-   -   Is shyness really fear? (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=97964)

naturesflow 25-02-2016 08:53 PM


Originally Posted by Clover
A lot of these shy traits are learned behaviors too. My mother was very shy with outsiders and struggled with social anxiety, I believe it was in part of the cultural clash she struggled with. I feel like I picked up some of her introverted behaviors. For example, I have inadvertently came off cold or standoffish to people without realizing It until It was later pointed out to me. Therefore, no I don't think introversion is always attributed to fear. Personally,I would consider myself outgoing however, first impressions may not always appear what they seem.I can't tell you how many times I have heard this statement about me: " I thought you were this, but now that I got to know your really cool". :rolleyes:
I would argue I am ambivert, and more times than none I am just reserved by default. It is most likely however, If I am not interacting with you it's probably because I really just dont want to talk to you...:tongue:

I think first impressions aren't always the best ones.We are all different and we interact differently. I say, take the time to get to know someone, no matter how different they are from you. Open up and give them a chance, you never know how much they will impact or inspire your life.

Yes learned behaviours comes into this too, most definitely. Observing how your parents/models interacted and related to the world and other adults. Taking in their view and feelings (especially of your highly sensitive and inward reflecting with no outward source to help you with that taking in,it can lock it in you, over your natural open self) I think you bring up a good point Clover that we underneath can be covered over on the surface of others unknowingly and send out that signal as being that person. But in fact the true essence of our natural self can shine a very different view on the world long after its gone or you are seen more as the person deeper in you.

I naturally look at people deeper and that gets me into trouble..hehe
So sometimes coming back to that surface movements, I can take in a much broader view of someone and move more with them in process rather than just turning away because they are not to my liking or I choose only to relate one way etc etc..

naturesflow 25-02-2016 09:09 PM


Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn
Shyness 101 according to Miss Hepburn, hahaha. I make myself laugh.

Fear is at the root of these social anxieties, yes.
The initial core fear is the fear of abandonment as a baby...can't get much more basic than that.

If we are abandoned we will die.
So, rejection (being judged, disliked, disagreed with, laughed at) =s abandonment, which =s fear....at the core
is our initial primal survival...self-protection.

Shyness is (and this is not a bad thing) is self-centeredness...
too much focus on 'us'/ 'me'.

If we were to enter late to a party, for example, all eyes were on us...
ha, how awful for a shy person...!...
if we turn our focus from ourselves and turn it to the hostess and say, "What a beautiful house! I love it!"
Then, turn to people as you are taking off your coat and smile and say
a big, enthusiastic "Hi!".

Now, where did the shyness go...we are now being kind and giving our love and attention to others. :thumbsup:

I didn't go to therapy 20 years ago and not learn 'something'!!! :wink:

I can relate to all this. And to the core fears of abandonment and not feeling safe and connected in the world and feelings associated to death. That is a very real issue in all this holding introverts down. Or the reverse, just wishing to die because *you cant get out* of this trap in yourself.

Inward focus as a child can be turned to the extreme if their is no one their to help bring you out of that focus, support you to be more open about feelings and what you see. Rather than internalizing everything and holding it all in, creating no room to express or feel more clearly knowing you alone in all this. This in some ways sets up a pattern whereby your focus is always deep in thought/lost in self and not in balance of being and sharing that focus outwardly. This then sets up a perception as having nothing to give/shy and closed off, so naturally the balance of giving to self (self centred) cannot be balanced in receiving (Self expression/received by the world) Self bringing itself out (inclusive state) to build a more complete picture of yourself others and the world around you in yourself, creating a more balanced way of being inwardly and outwardly reflected. Or as someone mentioned more balanced as an ambiverted nature.

I think the balance works for both introversion and extroversion. You can be too far out in the world not taking time to inward reflect and build the balance as well. So often then you will find people like myself who say are in introverted mode, feeling overwhelmed by extroverts who have no down time in themselves, no balance of inward reflection to counter out their constant projections in outward processing mode. So naturally in my introvert mode I will perceive everything they are relaying inwardly and they just keep bouncing off every wall in themselves without a care in the world. Then most often you will hear introverts saying they feel drained and its all one sided in connection. Which will deter people from interacting unless they are in their own extroverted state to understand and flow more readily..or if they have found their own balance to manage it more so.

If you have ever watched an extrovert in full flight in a room full of introverts who don't have the balance to build flow of inward reflecting and flowing outward sharing, their is a very defining moment of all being centred around *one* person. The extrovert blissfully unaware that their introverted friends might want to talk or might want to share all the while perceiving they are *great listeners*.. All the while being very happy as the centre of attention, carefree and open..lol Then the introverts in fear mode of that very thing, will judge the extrovert as being self absorbed/selfish all the while they are being the same, just in inward reflecting mode..lol how confusing people can get by not accepting themselves..:D

Never judge a book by its cover
Wait till you have read the book complete to make your mind up
to then let your mind go and read it again
All the while knowing you are the book
The judge, the mind, and the one reading it
both times.

Miss Hepburn 25-02-2016 10:47 PM

Ah, yes, accepting the introvert and the extrovert; the fat and the thin,
the rich and the poor.
All actors on a stage...all part of the One expressing and experiencing
itself (as you brought up on your other thread, naturesflow)...

Accepting...a key to happiness and peace!

Somnia 25-02-2016 11:46 PM

Oh yes, in my personal experience my shyness was heavily tied to fear. Fear of being judged when people were looking/staring at me. Not knowing what the other person was thinking about me caused me extreme anxiety. This was mostly from strangers but once I got to know someone I felt more relaxed an open. The not knowing, the unknown, greatly terrified me as a child/young teen.

Now that I'm older I'm not nearly as shy as I was when I was younger. Learning I no longer need to fear what other people think of me. Learning to be who I really am and realizing you're not going to get along with everyone and not everyone will like you. Keep holding love for yourself and show love for others and it will attract love to you. To not worry what other people think about you because the only person who really matters what you think of yourself *is* yourself. :)

I have my soul-friend to thank for being the catalyst in overcoming this fear of mine. We are no longer in touch and haven't been for several years (not since the 9th grade in public school when I briefly lived in Utah for 9 months), but I am very grateful to her for helping me see the way. It's taken a lot of practice and self-growth for me to have the level of confidence in myself I have now. It is an extremely liberating feeling.

Howla Dark 27-02-2016 11:04 PM


Originally Posted by naturesflow
Yes we are part of nature so we do respond in so many ways according to what we know and understand about nature in everyway.

I don't relate introversion to shyness, but fear in the mix certainly can make one shy away from being more open and outgoing.

Well If your feeling embarrassed in this way, isn't that more your worrying about how you look in front of others, which would be more about acceptance to be as you want to be.

Again though this is part of fear and anxiety. Or just a call to avoid something you don't like doing or want to be a part of all the while knowing what affects it has on you.

It seems placing shyness as a trait upon people potentially has so much more going on within it that its hard to say whether it actually exists alone.

That was the most interesting and beautiful ideas about the subject.
Thanks for replying :smile:

Somnia 27-02-2016 11:39 PM

Hey Howla Dark! I really like your avatar. :wink: :D

Howla Dark 29-02-2016 10:04 AM


Originally Posted by somnia
Hey Howla Dark! I really like your avatar. :wink: :D

Thanks :biggrin: I love yours too.

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