Healing myself
 

Hello,

Over the last few years my anxiety and fears about so many things have increased, to the point I am constantly catastrophizing and ruminating, mostly about past mistakes. I feel like this is trauma and its paralysing. And this is stopping me from doing things, achieving things, it’s like all my hopes and dreams for the future are impossible now as I don’t believe in myself at all and feel that I will fail at anything I do. I think all of this has generated a depression that I fear I will never shake.

I do live with an elderly narcissistic parent who is only is interested in her feelings and thoughts and every one else does not matter, especially me. I feel they are an energy vampire and I emotionally I don’t feel safe around them. I don’t know if that further compounds all my other feelings of anxiety and fear.

It hasn’t always been like this. In the past I could help myself, fix myself if I needed to, I had greater self belief, I trusted my intuition. I could rely on myself. But now every time I try to help myself, to heal myself, every thing seems to get worse. Every time I resolve to get better and stronger something new comes up and tears me down deeper into fear and helplessness.

I am going to go the doctor, of course, but how else can I help myself? I feel like I am drowning in dark and bad energy, fighting against something that seems to always win. I just want to be a better and confident human being. I want to be the best parent I can be. I want to be of service to others. I want to do good. What else can I do to help myself? What kind of energy work could help unblock and release whatever this darkness is?

Many thanks.

I am attacking by my own traumas and for the moment i can't fix it.Like you said,like 'something' insists to keep you at this low level frequency.

Some possible scenarios.

You're undergoing the so called 'spiritual awakening' which brings your consious in partial contact with the subconsious.(which means that all dirt and garbage stored there,find their way to rise to your consious,and even manifest).

An entity attachment (parasite).

You are a natural empath-psychic,being an open conduct to anything around you.

Energy work might treat the outer manifestation,but if the problem is rooted to your subconsious,it can even make things worse.( i tried as well).

I have similar..

I am just curious, if you find yourself fighting something, maybe within?

I cannot answer your queries, as I am hurting deeply myself.

I don't know for you guys,but in my case i think i know what i have to do.
'To get my power back'.

Without power,you're vulnerable to everything and everyone.And of course you'll get attacked only when you're weak.

I hate to say that,but in the world we live,is the survival of the fittest.

Also from my own experience,the subconsious doesn't forgive.Unresolved issues will stuck there,until you decide to solve them.

Thanks for your responses. Just need to find a way to get my power back.

You know,when i was a kid i was wondering WHY i feel this way when i was near my father.(divorced parents).Not an evil person exactly,but one of those who had no problem to install 'guilts' or make you feel that you're the one responsible for his negative behaviour.Unfortunately his mother (my grandma) was exactly the same.

I was raised by my mother but i was paying a visit to them at least once-two times per week as a teenager.After that,i had to stay away from them for at least three days,because i was getting sick and depressed.And not only that,but i was also blaming my self for this,feeling guilty about why i don't love them,and why i keep paying visits to them only to get some money and to show them my good side.

I was harming my self,dennying to accept that my own father makes me sick and i don't love him at all.

I really wish them to die alone,or to be in need of my help,so i could happily trash them and treat them like nothing.
Is it the right thing to do?Who cares.It's a truth.This is how i feel.

And as you said,i think my father and grandma are energy vampires.That's why i was getting sick,and always fear of them.

you know humans dialogue have a lot of holes energy vampires have as much power as you let them have on you,
have some experience at those things from where I grow let me give you an example by doing excessive interactions and foul language talk they drop your vibration but only if you take part of those talks when you drop your vibration your vulnerable, by raising your vibration and when start to feel them lower your vibration and start to sap you,
that when you stop dialogue and go do your own things when vampire can't feed they just go elsewhere, many energy vampires are not bad it's just that they suffered a great deal of damage both emotionally and in an etheric level that turned them like this, remember this all souls are good at their core no soul like to suffer so when a soul suffer it unloads it's frustration upon nearby targets no soul enjoy suffering, the damage that done to them overtime maybe will be repaired but you can't help them and that something they will have to do by their own, so just at times that get too tough let them be ignore and go your own matters,
set defining lines if you have to
,never wish anyone bad ill dear beloved one just as a blessing and good will spread the fortune to everywhere including the caster so is ill intend, forsaken despair and anger and embrace love and compassion, that a true power the power of love the most strongest energy of all,
your high vibration is your shield cultivate them and keeps them and nothing can harm you,make sure also to purify your living space too and believe me
everything going to be alright.

Thanks for the input but i was born sensitive,and i was traumatized at a very young age.A kid doesn't know about raising vibrations.He wants to feel safe and secure,at least with his own people.
As for the second part,(about wishing to harm others),i appreciate your view,but i prefer to go my own way.After all,everyone's different and we don't share the same experiences.

I think the 'eye for an eye' suits me better.You do harm to me,you'll pay for that.Clear and simple.:smile:

The real challenge for me is to develop the skill of judgment.To be able to know when someone deserves punishment,and when not.
The only thing that i learned by staying at the victim mode,was how stupid i was,and why i have to embrace my dark side as well.

That's the human nature.If you don't attack,you'll get attacked.

Mildred, Boy are you gonna love this. Easy peasy...jot down the points on a stick figure, til they are automatic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V4SWbrWTz8
or
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xp6AfcntJ0

You will see a dozen youtubes on EFT or Tapping.
In 3 days you will see such a slowing of these neg thoughts and feelings.
If you had 50 in a day ...you'll have 10, until you may have 10 a month!
And they don't have the juice they did ...they come in and exit with very little feeling attached to them.

Also, I highly recommend using Flower Essences. The Bach ones are ok.
Tell me how you feel in one week of doing those things!
Ha, first 10 drops of the correct one you chose and in 2 minutes you'll feel the difference!!!! :smile:

well either way I am honored to talk with you, sending you all the love in the world, I wish all happiness in the world because deep inside we all want to be happy like you said feel secured no matter what and loved unconditionally, I think something we all want that and not just us every creation both here and at the other side.