The dark side of I AM.
An insight. I am on the dark side of I AM. Have been barking up the wrong tree because for many years I thought I had problems with God. But in fact my relationship with God is fine. When it comes to I AM or the universal 'I' then I fall to pieces.
To be on the wrong side of I AM is horrible. It is painful, scary and unstable. Having realised my predicament I am working to heal it and slowly day by day I improve. A Freudian analyst would have a field day with me. |
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The 'I am ' or Self is beyond the pair of opposites. A positive side or dark side implies the egoic mind ( rather than the Self) which perceives the field of opposites and sees duality and differences instead of unity. |
Meaning that there is no dark side of I AM? Well it is thought to be possible to be on the dark side of God, so why not I AM? I am thinking that I am so out of touch with my true self, that I am in its dark side??
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"I Am" is firmly within duality as it's of mind. So yeah, it has light and dark sides. In Ramana Maharshi's "Who Am I?" he explains Vedantic Self-inquiry following the sense of "I Am" will eventually take one beyond "I Am". That's the "space" of Self also known as Atman and by extension Brahman. It's that "space" of utter stillness and silence. I believe he phrases it something like "the mind is quiescent".
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What I would suggest, what helped me, is to read the Shiva stories as allegory. And relate his story to your own way of being. As a kind of role model of one who has already been there. The story of Shiva relates to how one knows their true self and so becomes a master of the world.
Metaphors are a good way to bridge out when lost in the mind. Instead of allowing your existence to be challenged and getting lost in endless ideas trying to find yourself, which was never lost in the first place, you maintain self awareness and witness yourself playing out the timeless story also played out by countless others. A way to make it a bit less personal but in a good way. Because now you are a part of the larger story and your right to exist as an individual is also preserved without question. So no fears are triggered while you consider the enormity of the greater whole. The dark side is when you loose perspective as the witness of your circumstance and start relating to the world on it's terms instead of who you truly are. Becoming lost in distractions. Allowing passionate ideas from others to invade your mind and take you for a ride and take you to the cleaners. Shiva, in his wisdom and with impeccable discipline, would never allow that. The point being, you can be involved with the world but never allow distractions to cause you to loose the focus of your being while doing so. Om Namah Shivaya |
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Just checking. Is the 'I am' the fundamental ego-thought , and of the mind ! As per Ramana the ego is the 'I' thought. Ego is 'I-thought'. In its subtle form it remains a thought, whereas in its gross aspect it embraces the mind, the senses and the body. ~ Ramana Maharshi The 'I am' is stated by Nisargadatta to not be a thought or modification of the mind. Quote:
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But ultimately, the 'I am' is not a thought but beyond thought and mind. It is non-conceptual. |
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https://www.hinduwebsite.com/sacreds...arama/kena.asp II. The disciple said: I do not think I know It well, nor do I think that I do not know It. He among us who knows It truly, knows (what is meant by) "I know" and also what is meant by "I know It not." |
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It certainly feels like I am. Imagine being on the wrong side of your own 'I'. It can be terrible for me at times. |
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