Polyamory v monogamy
 

Polyamory v monogamy How do you feel about it?


I have a twin flame and soul mates and soulmates that are friends...

But I'm a monogamy kind of guy...

In times of old people had a system where they could be with another person than their own regular partner if they both felt something. It is possible to have loving feelings for another person.
This was in the time where society was matriarchal, not patriarchal.

The difference I think with polyamory is that this is more lust-based, and the impression I get men having a lot of fun. Certain sects have (had) a male leader with loads of women and he had the right to have sex with them all and have babies from them.
I've never heard of a woman in this position with loads of men.

Which leads me to think it's a patriarchal thing, and I typically don't like that much.

In the matriarchal system from way back when it wasn't based on sexercising as many as you could under the excuse of love.
I think during life -when involved in a relationship- we all at some point meet someone that does trigger something in us. Most won't act upon that, but in the other kind of society you could, provided both wanted that.

In any case, I can understand the system, in a way it serves a purpose but I couldn't live that. For me it's monogamous or not.

In fairness I've heared of atoms that split in half that form different avatars ...the argument is each image is serial definitioned towards the singular of symmetrical choice... Finally the atom will have to merge back via the flame as the winner of atom of choice...

Poly is probably the natural thing. Sex with one person falls into a routine all too quickly so unless there are binding things otherwise in a relationship it probably won't last based on sex.

However, marriage was invented a) because (I suppose at time) society wasn't ready to look after children collectively (as in Huxley's novel "Chrome Yellow") and to cut down the spread of disease. Sex is one of the major transmitters.

The danger is of course that no one can claim to know themselves if they have yet to be deflowered. It seems unwise to count on the long term (marriage/parenthood) with no knowledge of one's carnal reactions. But that was thought secondary at the time.

I don't see it as one versus the other but its an attitude of society. The rules are different now. We support sex for pleasure rather than reproduction and very few people I know remain uninitiated until they're married.

One thing's for sure - sex and love aren't the same thing.
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Although I understand poly, it is not something I would do. If one feels the need to be with others, then he/she needs to move on. Having said that, I also understand people getting sexually bored with each other and the no 1 complained in relationships is alway sex. Sex drives people insane and is has become an obsession, especially since the internet. Still today, when a man has multiple partners it is seen as normal, when the woman does it she is seen as..we all know the words. The focus is so much on sex, it kills everything else in the relationship.

I'm a monogamy guy and always have been ~ anything else just isn't me

but one time I saw a whole bunch of Chinese ladies and I thought ~

" how could you not want them all ? "

at that moment ~ I thought that having a whole bunch of wives would be a really great thing

Maybe I'm too much of an old romantic, but the couple of times I've been madly in love with a person, I only had eyes for them and only wanted to be with them. The notion of bringing other lovers into the equation didn't enter my mind for a moment, the person in question was all that I felt I needed or wanted.

Great insights...although I still believing polomory relations have a bad name- I'm kind of set out to reframe from a bad name- in nature these thing exist and there's nothing one can do about it... If it's arising then there must be a tolerant let for it? That has some compassion - without sex being the stigma...these classes of relationships are sub classed and fall by nature :it's self?

I think when you are connected to someone, truly, you only want to be connected to that someone, then you have no need for others. That if you are in love with someone you can only been in love with that someone while you are in this state, anyone else won't. I remember I was in someone's back garden and there were people there, other guests, and there were guys there that to me looked nice, were nice and the feeling then just hit me as the hours passed. That the only person I wanted to be there was the one I was in love with. And it was a moment when I understood I was falling in love with this other guy. That he was in color but the rest of the guys were black and white. I missed him there. He was to later become my first boyfriend. To me that moment was such a realisation. That I knew for a fact that these were some really nice people, guys, but something about me had changed. I only needed him there, he who was in color =)

It is usually them I think, I don't know but I can imagine, that have rather superficial relationships because they themselves are superficial that are fine with having multiple partners at the same time. Or could be someone is looking for a connection but have lost it or not found it with it's current partner and crave it, but usually then the moral codes step in sooner or later and you don't want to be in that situation or cause that situation for someone else. Just my thoughts.

Some people are monogamous, others aren't. Same as some are heterosexual and others are homosexual.

I think you should know yourself and be honest about it. Anything you truly are is ok in that case because you aren't hurting others.