among the riches
 

had this dream that were a mix of things. one was as if i saw, walked on what i am guessing was the backside "garden" (more of a park) to this large building (home?) but i could not see the home before it all went away.

then it was that i was having my arm relaxed around a little girl, just the two of us.

i was then having breakfast and while so it was as if the girl's father came too close and said something but i was disengaged. the room to eat breakfast in felt as large as a company's conference room if not larger. That was one ridiculous large breakfast, dining table. i can still feel the unpleasant feeling when the girl's father came too close to say something to me but have no idea of what was said. it was only the feeling he had no business coming in that close.

the absolute strongest feelings that came to me where moving in a quick shift:
it was a)the girls father's father was my protector and as long as i stayed on his ground i was protected and i was protected from then my very husband?, then man who had bothered me during breakfast.

b)it was the saying that i was fragile and hysterical in the past but all women were so that hardly came as a surprise, it was that attitude, that this was something all women had and had to watch out so it did not blossom. That men did not have it. we were also the gossip-people and nothing we said was seen as solid as if a man said the very same thing. My past "hysteria" and now being more stable, something off the past, had to do with my relation with the girl's father and now it was as if i was taken in and shielded by the girls grandparent but can't say i even saw him but had a knowing.

i did not feel hysterical but had a knowing of what the girl's father was truly about. it was too as if his own father knew the truth about him and had him under control through money and status. the girl's father would not really try to do something (or something more) to me and we both knew that. he did not get me off balance when he came too close with his head into my space during the breakfast. My disengagement was complete. i did not care what he said or did. he was a thing of the past for me. i had clarity in knowing his character, i had zero interest in him.

c)there was a sadness as the girl was going away and that i was to be enrolled in the meaningless life of someone from my social group. i felt like this leaf, that there was this schedule of meaningless, points that i had to go through for everyone to think i was OK now, one was me holding a type of racket. it was mostly women surrounding me.

d)there was a knowing the father was not interested in the girl had it been the same way had it been a boy and for that i was grateful. that he then would enroll him in something else. it felt very much as the girl was mine, mine to hold but that the schedule of her kept her apart but that i knew she would come back once older and i was looking forward that time in age, why i did not mind getting older. besides from myself there was a string of people although i do not know who they were to guard this girl's life. it was as if the father could not and would not break through. there was this silent satisfaction that he had a lower status because he did not have a boy with me, that i had stripped him off that ever happening and that he too in his own way was just as caught in this system as i was.

i woke up when the startling feeling came what would happen once the girl's grandfather would pass, would i be safe and protected then on his estate?