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-   -   Telling others of autism spectrum? (http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=143845)

asearcher 13-05-2022 07:53 PM

Telling others of autism spectrum?
 
My luv has autism and has learned to hide it in some ways. Has learned of this later in life.

There is this suspicion that the autism, genetic, is in his family in the older and younger generation. Nobody has said anything about this. I don't think anyone knows.

I have felt so far it is a good idea to not say anything, but I don't know if it is because there is a person in his family that's famous for creating all sorts of bad stuff, and I Know if this person learns he has it it is all going to become some kind of circus, instead of something good coming out of it. After everything my family been through I can't stand the thought of drama and basically want us to be to ourselves.

Still I feel a sort of responsibility that other family members have the right to know, as it is genetic, in case it can help in some way.

I have told him I will not say anything unless he would request that I do. That I respect his wishes. I will do what he wants me to do.

He himself has not taken it as a bad thing at all, instead he has felt at home and finally understood why he has been, is the way he is sometimes.

Even if several family members goes around without the diagnose he has told me as if he wants to explain that when this person says, does that and when that person says, does this - that it is because he think they are like him, and he understands them.

He wants to explain to me that it is not because they are rude or don't like me. I have told him several times that it's fine, that I understand. I know that the trouble-maker in his first family has done all sort of sick things to deliberately make me feel as if I am not wanted there and I leave it at that.

I think that will the trouble maker find out it will try to use it so that my luv looks stupid and so will then the others we suspect and he is not stupid nor is the others. I know from experience this trouble-maker will use what ever it can get it's hand on and turn it into something bad.

I don't want him to be stressed out in any way, and as we have one clear trouble maker from his first family I just know there is a high risk of that happening.

I have had just this urge, instinct to keep our little family to ourselves, but also the responsibility to at least share this with our own generation so we can help the younger, if need be.

My luv does not have all the answers yet, is waiting for that, further progress. Is it better perhaps to not say anything until all that is done with?

Native spirit 13-05-2022 08:52 PM

My friends son has Autism badly he is now 33 but he cant be left alone he has got no road sense. and his speech is fading he stammers a lot now.
I could see that he was different from a baby he wasn't progressing as other babies were.it took until he was 7 years old for him to be diagnosed after he was hit by a car,
My friends cousins son had Autism so i asked if there was Genetic link between them she said no. because it had been no where else in the family.
her cousin is totally dependent on his mother.

Her uncles daughter became pregnant they did tests and said the baby is fine.
she didn't want anyone to know so they kept it quiet. the baby was born he has Autism also
her other cousin had a little girl she has Autism but the doctor has only now admitted that their is a Genetic link.

Some people are happy for others to know but others are not you have got to take it on a one to one case



Namaste

utopiandreamchild 14-05-2022 04:07 AM

Be positive and overcome obstacles with love in your hearts. Negativity will never overcome the positive, be aware of that, turn a blind eye to the hate and continue to love no matter what, in the end love shall prevail.

Much love
utopia

Izz 14-05-2022 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asearcher
I have told him I will not say anything unless he would request that I do. That I respect his wishes. I will do what he wants me to do.

He himself has not taken it as a bad thing at all, instead he has felt at home and finally understood why he has been, is the way he is sometimes.


In my opinion, you are doing the right thing by respecting his wishes

However I could see why you would feel internally conflicted about it

As Native Spirit has rightfully said, must take it on a one to one case

RedEmbers 14-05-2022 08:11 AM

Someone outed me a few years ago and it felt pretty terrible at the time. Actually two people outed me, one on this forum and the other was my old boss.

I'm embracing of my autist label now, a few years later and those around me have come to terms with it also.


I remember the I'm feeling of being quite hurt and shocked by someone else's outing of me before I was ready though.

It's been a few years for me as an adult, female autist and I still struggle with acceptance because I've been masking for my entire life and passing as "nuero typical" for a very long time.

RedEmbers 14-05-2022 08:18 AM

I think it's important to be sensitive of the needs and desires of the person you're in connection with.
Talk to them and ask them how they feel.


I felt quite hurt when my old boss outed me because she also seemed to use it against me as well and I felt quite vulnerable and manipulated in the workplace in the aftermath.

It can be quite traumatic to out a person in front of others, especially if they are still coming to terms with it themselves and also because we do still get discriminated against alot, especially in the workplace in my experience.

asearcher 14-05-2022 08:18 AM

Thank you both very much, Native Spirit and utopiandreamchild, I agree with you both, and thanking you also for letting me have an insight in how it can be in other families. Love is the key, but so is understanding, when we don't understand/ignorance things can go wrong very fast, and it is a good reminder that to not think the worst then, but think positive despite :) I know I have some work to do on my self to at least if I can be neutral (I mean neutral is better than negative, and in time maybe, just maybe, I can move on to being positive, hopefully).

As for me I realized as a child that something was different with someone else in my family and that this someone could not help that. Perhaps because I was a child I could see things differently than the adults. I remember the adults being so frustrated, angry, not understanding, pushing and the grim effects from that. Now looking back it is so clear to me.

I could agree in silence that some of the things that someone did could appear to be wrong but I could also see that that was not the intention at all why it did it like the grown ups thought.

That someone has had, has still such mental problems but the real diagnose was for years missed. I think had the grown ups understood early on what this really was I think it could have been helpful indeed even to prevent or to make the other conditions weaker.

I have understood that I like everyone else go "where home is". What is familiar. Why I found my luv to be "home" to me.

My luv has said before that living with me was so easy and that I seemed to understand him and he could not understand what I saw as problems in the relationship was taking a real toll on me, as I guess he was used to a lot worse. He thought we had it "so good" when he began seeing a change in me. I know now his natural take to take distance from people could both be because of bad experiences in his past (that he now knows how to avoid like a ninja), but also that he relates differently. I've been one of the few he has brought in closer which I sort of took for granted. But when it has been about some other things I have completely failed to understand, as I could not go pass my own emotions, reaction and he did not exactly communicate. I know now that had I only known back then some of those things that I have had a very strong reaction to, caused insecurity in me, made me withdraw from him, was not at all his intent. Had someone without his diagnose done that, someone who for instance knew social codes, the message would then have been clear to me, and that was how i read him off then (but really again just feeling my own emotions, my own hurt). But that was not his intention, not his message. Not what he wanted me to experience, go through. He has told me he now gets why I changed.

I just don't want anyone else, especially the younger generation, to go through something similar, to be misunderstood.

Izz 14-05-2022 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedEmbers

I remember the I'm feeling of being quite hurt and shocked by someone else's outing of me before I was ready though.

It's been a few years for me as an adult, female autist and I still struggle with acceptance because I've been masking for my entire life and passing as "nuero typical" for a very long time.


That's terrible :icon_frown: Sorry to hear that, RedEmbers

asearcher 14-05-2022 08:41 AM

Hi RedEmbers and Izz! I'm so sorry you were exposed to such horrid treatment by that boss RedEmberas, too the friend, and you make a very good point. That is too what I am afraid will happen, that the troublemaker/a narc will if get the news of this transform it into something bad, a tool to abuse. The troublemaker/the narc has done several times, exposing a child, to make others laugh at it, and point out it's vulnerability. Sometimes a vulnerability it did not even know was suppose to be a vulnerability for it to then later as it was seen as something bad, to be laughed at, then got to be a vulnerability, that I then and others had to work and work on making the child not see it as something wrong. This why today I will not allow any child in my home to have any unsupervised visits with the troublemaker/the narc.

you two must have written here while I replied before, did not see it til now:)
thank you so much

Izz 14-05-2022 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asearcher
This why today I will not allow any child in my home to have any unsupervised visits with the troublemaker/the narc.


Well done asearcher - you are, for your luv too, the one who puts the wrench in to break a certain cycle of limiting beliefs from being passed down :hug2:


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