The Demon Inside Me
 

Ok guys, I finally figured out what this was. Im going to write it down here while its still fresh in memory and so I can reflect upon it for myself personally as I write. I just got back from seeing this therapist/psychic whos been doing this for over 30 years. Shes good friends with my dad, and even though Im totally new to spirituality, I get the sense that she knows what shes talking about. This is the second time Ive seen her and I have already figured out so much about myself, its crazy! Ok. First of all, this demon. Its been in me for as long as I can remember, but I always thought it was simply some dark part of myself. We do this exercise where I draw out things I feel inside me to get a "better picture". I drew this one out and told her about it and she told me it was a demon. I said, are you sure? Most stories Ive heard about demons regard the demon as "scary" and "threatening", and to me this presence is neither. She said they can take many forms. She seemed very sure of it. I guess she is right because she really knows her stuff. Anyway let me describe this presence to anyone reading so that they know what to look out for--
(You have to remember that the descriptions that follow may not be real, and most of them are not, but it is how I "feel")
Firstly, this demon would NEVER hurt me. I get the sense in fact that this demon is protecting me by inflicting evil on whoever tries to hurt me. I feel as though this demon is constantly watching my back and watching out for intruders.
This demon wants VERY MUCH to convert me over to the evil side. This seems to be his main goal, in fact. We have been debating for years over and over-- his argument goes as follows-- Greg, everyone that is good in this world is a fool. Good people are good to others and then think that the universe will reward their good behavior. This is not true. Good people are in fact foolish because they are not being good to themselves, only others! What power could come out of that? (He is very power thirsty!)
My argument..
Yes, but they are NOT foolish, because good DOES come back to them! How do you think this universe even exists? In this universe, there is more good than evil, right? If there was more evil than good, than this universe would be horrible to live in, but this is NOT the case, theres more good than evil. So- if it is foolish to be good, than why has everyone been good (or lets say "more good than evil") since humans became civilised? It doesnt add up!
He would say-- Its not evil, Greg! Its just what is smart! It is not evil to take power and use it however you please, it is only smart! There really is no good or evil in the world, greg. Only power. Those who are "good" and who dont take advantage of it are fools!
Yes, but it just doesnt feel right to have that much power! It feels like Im disrupting the balance of the universe! And I live my entire life on these gut feelings.
this is where the argument stops. or keeps going lol. But whenever we do these debates its never angry. Its actually quite calm. Ok-- onto more characteristics of this demon.
He is super super charming. I get the sense that hes trying to coax me into taking his hand so he can make my life a living hell. Me and my dad were talking about this-- I get the sense that he wants me to coax others that have a weak and angry personality into joining with my evil force, only to take advantage of them. Where I would go up to someone and say "Hey buddy, Im sorry you feel so bad and angry at the world! You know, you could have a lot of power... all you have to do is join with me." And then after they join we take their power and make them work for us. So we trick them in a sense.
Now whats really interesting here is the instant I said this, I said hey wait a minute, could this demon be doing to me what I envision doing to others? Coaxing them into our dark force so that we can take advantage of them? Well isnt the demon coaxing me into HIS dark force so he can take advantage of ME?
Another thing is that he can be compared to the evil character in any movie who is like at the top of the criminals, the King of Evil you could say, and he knows how much power has, so he doesnt have to show it off. So its a very calm, knowing power. Its very stable too. most people think of evil and they think of disorganized, chaotic evil. This is not so. The evil this demon has is a very stable, very organized, still type of evil. Like, I know how powerful I am, and you do too, so I dont even have to prove anything.
Another thing is that he hardly EVER shows himself to me. His energy is always facing the other way so I cant fully feel it. He always keeps me guessing. Its all part of his game-- he knows that Im attracted to mystery, so hell keep it that way! Whats interesting though is that when I started talking about him to the psychic lady I saw today, and I was about to draw him, he COMPLETELY ran away! Its like he didnt want me to draw him! I guess that means hes afraid of her.
Wow, thats a lot of stuff. Lets see though, theres still a little more.
She put me in a meditative state today as well and walked me through a spirit guide contact. I pictured myself in a garden and asked my spirit guide to come forth. What appeared was a tiny silver light that got bigger and bigger until it was a knight in armor! On a horse too. He had his helmet on though. She told me to ask him to take it off, and he did, and I saw a 35ish year old man, white, long brown hair, looked a little like me! But I did not feel love for this person. I felt like there was space between me and him, because if I saw what he truly was I would get hurt. Even though I did get the sense that he was protecting me. She said that this person was a trickster spirit, and not a good one. So I pushed him away, and asked again, for my spirit guide. THIS time a black circle appeared... and grew in size until it was a huge dragon-like spirit, like half huge man and half dragon, extremely strong and powerful, and was black, red and purple. It was about 50 feet tall and had huge wings and was totally evil. I am quite sure that this is the demon Ive been feeling and talking about in this post.
Well, I think that about sums it up. Thanks for reading!

I think I would keep away from this person, it disturbs me some of the things i've read in your post about her.

Thirty years experience does not necessarily make someone good at what they do, it can make them exceptionally bad too especially if all her clients are being treated this way.

Oh well she didnt say it straight out, what happened is she guided me through the meditation where I met my spirit guides who werent really guides, they were really "tricksters" she used the word, the first was the knight in armor who was a tricking spirit because I felt no real love between me and him, and the second was obviously not a guide because it was an evil dragon thing. Why do you think shes not good at this?

So... some flaky psychic tells you you have a demon inside you based of a little scetch you did and you believe her?

I think next time you wish to consult someone about inner dialogue a qualified psychologist would serve you much better.

All this is just an imaginary game isn't it? Be honest with yourself.

No its not an imaginary game. I thought this forum of all places would be understanding of these kinds of things. Thats why I wrote everything down in such an open manner.

It's not that I don't understand things like this... but if you wish to entertain the idea then you will listen to those who re-enforce it and discard anything that weakens it.

You look into it and see what it really is ... a truthful self inquiry... and stop listening to all the dramatists who entertain you.

I dont know man. I dont know wat to believe anymore.

You know for a start that you aren't really going to trick people into something just to use them for your benefit.

okay okay ... so you're working in an inner scenario wherein you're up against tricky entities. put aside for a minute the notion that these entities are "real' (as in externally generated) and try looking upon them as unpleasant and unwanted self aspects, some self deceptive part of your psyche of which you have been, up till now, unaware. the reason i ask you to do this is because if you give them a life of their own with your belief you give them power they don't actually have.

instead of feeding those illusionary tricky entities the power of your belief be dispassionate and study them for what they can teach about the strange nature of the human psyche. there really shouldn't be much there to study since tricks are for kids and illusions don't last.

wait so im confused.. I should treat these entities as a part of myself ive just now descovered, even though they are entities? But if you say that they ARE entities but to look at them like they are a part of me I created, then wouldnt I be lying to myself?