Married but no love left
 

We have been together 7 years. I was told several weeks ago by my husband that he doesn't care for me anymore. And it's honestly mutual. But it's not an option to separate. We have 2 small children. I stay at home and take care of the kids. And I don't want to put them through a divorce so I don't see it happening for a very long time.

It doesn't bother me because it feels like we have sort of a business relationship going on now. I guess the part that bothers me is I feel kind of empty, or lonely. I'm trying to figure out how to work on that part. Like we used to talk about out future and devise all these plans but now I have no idea what the future holds and my life feels sort of blank in a way. It's like breaking up with someone mentally but not physically. Has anyone else experienced this?

This is an unhealthy situation for you. With two small children, work, and what goes on in the home it could be stress and that there has been too much focus on all the practical stuff, leaving very little to care for the romantic relationship. No matter if you two are done or not I would go into counseling because you two have 2 children together and always will and it's important how to communicate right. Of course you have an uncertaincy of the future and questions to ask yourself, and to ask him, this is only natural. :hug3:

Perhaps you could go to a support group if there is something around in your area. It would be good to meet other people in your situation.

I would agree with a searcher its not a healthy enviroment for yourself or your kids.
you need to sit down with your partner and talk,
when you have kids your Focus changes to them rather than to you and your partner,


Namaste

Hi Darling...I feel for you..I really do. I'm Empath / HSP...so I would naturally feel your despair anyway...
But given I have have walked in your shoes , I know even more how it feels.
I was married to my first husband for 22 years. We had 3 boys.
The whole world thought we were the perfect couple/family... Because that's what you do isn't it ? You put on an act .
But my life was miserable..
I was living with a control freak with whom I lost respect for.
Because I lost respect for him, I could not even start to enjoy any intimate relationship with him anymore.
But I didn't dare tell him.
Do I just "gritted my teeth" and got on with it.
I was doing all of this to protect my children.
But in the end, it got so bad, that even the children were telling me and begging me ""Mum.. you and dad need to split up..""
How bad is that ?
Only after he hit me in front of my boys ,did I do something about it...

Then I married again...
To an alcoholic...
Not that him being alcoholic was an issue...
What became an issue was his relationships online with other women !!!

I'm very loyal..!

You need to be brave, and take the bull by the horns...and decide what you want for you and your children....

In other words, don't carry on thinking you are doing your children a favour...
Know, in fact, that by doing the hardest thing now, will in turn, be giving your babies a bigger/ better gift...

It might help to think from a third person's point of view. If your beloved sibling were in that situation, what would you recommend them to do?

Also, it is better for the kids to grow into a loving family. Growing up and seeing a fallen apart family, where their parents don't care for each other, it may be even more damaging than having them divorced and (maybe) happy alone, or in other marriages. People make mistakes, and overcome them. That may be a good lesson for kids.

Think of how would you look back at your life in 10 years, or 20 years.

I am sorry that you are going through this! I understand it is very confusing and the prospects seem frightening. After 21 years of marriage I have landed firmly on the idea that you have to follow your heart. Things may seem illogical or like perhaps they will be scary or uncomfortable, but, I have found that when you tap into what the best thing to do for the greatest good of all is, and then really listen to it and follow it, that which seems scary, dissolves and transforms. Of course if you are doing it in truth. I've spent most of my life operating from a place of fear and trying to make decisions that will end up the most comfortable. Sometimes comfortable isn't the best though. I have found that when I follow my heart, even the things that appear like they are going to be uncomfortable have away of smoothing out. I wish you the best and agree that everyone deserves to be in a relationship where they are valued and appreciated. There is a lot of love out there.

It's a sad situation but hopefully you aren't quarrelling. I suppose it happens. In the early days people talk to each other a lot, plan things, are romantic. But the talk eventually dries up. Children become the focus.

I'm not married but hoped I'd found a long term bf a few years ago. Alas it isn't working; hasn't been improved by lockdown and his parents don't like me - I mean they don't know me at all well and I think it's to do with my background, plans, aspirations etc., perhaps he inadvertently mentioned I'd dabbled with the occult. The guy isn't ruled by his family at all but it's uncomfortable. He isn't a controller but he wants to steer my life on a way that I'm unwilling to take.

We talked a lot; both have hobbies - this is important - we don't have to talk a lot to feel together. We can be together engaged in our various things. It used to be enough to know he was there and occasionally striking up a conversation: a news item, a business matter etc.

That seems to be over. Well...it's easy for me. I'm in no rush to find a new man being something of a loner and happy with the keep fit classes, a few (real) friends that I have, and always have time for my parents.

But you sound to be braving it, concerned to look after your children, acknowledging that a divorce could have a lasting impact. So it would be some time before that's in the offing.

I agree with Native Spirit. But I also ask if you have any relief with, say, a hobby or interest group - dance-fit, dancing, art, a mother's circle? Something that can inspire your interest and focus.

Even so, I wish you all the strength you need to carry on and if the chance arises, take Native Spirit's advice and talk to your man,

Peace and light.

I agree with this advice.
Because you have children, it is more important to find a happier place for yourself.

Your husband is being very honest and he probably will move on.
Hence it is very unhealthy to holding onto the unhealthy marriage for a "business arrangement".

Even in true business sense, if you are not happy with your job, you will find a different career or an other job.

He will have to support his kids. So, you will still have the business arrangement even after the divorce. - But in a much happier space for all of you including your kids.

But his financial support will end in several years later.
You are still young and I highly encourage you to start building your own job skills so you can support yourself and your kids, - in case something happens to him and his "business arrangement" can not continue abruptly.

Relying on others for the survival of you and your kids is never a good life plan.
Most schools are now online and lectures are recorded. So, you can do your school work after your kids are in bed. Take an advantage of it.

dup.....................