I Think I May Be Relapsing!!

[Saggi]

:(

Basically, I've worked with overcoming Co-dependency and I feel I may be on the verge of relapsing.

My partner (of 9 months) gives me his problems (almost daily) and I offer advice and sometimes I get annoyed if he doesn't take it and he keeps moaning.

I am consumed with guilty feelings about this at the moment, mainly because of the anger. It's my frustration that is causing me to feel angry, yet if he wasn't giving me his problems I wouldn't be feeling this!!

It took me a long time to consider myself and a part of me feels I may lose that!
I've tried just listening, sometimes that can wind me up too, because it's continous and repetetive!

I take time out of the relationship on my say so regularly, this is pointed out, yet I continue to do so.

Sometimes I feel totally drained!

Sorry to offload like this

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Guthee]

:hug2:
ranting is good for you, best not to hold onto neg. emotions. :)

[Saggi]

:hug2:
ranting is good for you, best not to hold onto neg. emotions. :)

Thank you! :hug2:

This was just what I needed!!

I popped in and read it earlier and have been releasing since!

There's more to come and it feels refreshing!

Thank you again!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[iolite]

:(

Basically, I've worked with overcoming Co-dependency and I feel I may be on the verge of relapsing.

My partner (of 9 months) gives me his problems (almost daily) and I offer advice and sometimes I get annoyed if he doesn't take it and he keeps moaning.

I am consumed with guilty feelings about this at the moment, mainly because of the anger. It's my frustration that is causing me to feel angry, yet if he wasn't giving me his problems I wouldn't be feeling this!!

It took me a long time to consider myself and a part of me feels I may lose that!
I've tried just listening, sometimes that can wind me up too, because it's continous and repetetive!

I take time out of the relationship on my say so regularly, this is pointed out, yet I continue to do so.

Sometimes I feel totally drained!

Sorry to offload like this

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Perfectly ok to get angry...you might want to say something like "Gee... it seems like I've heard this before, maybe there is a different way of handling things?" Seriously, engage him in some problem solving dialog. Get him to come up with solutions. Just ask questions.

Or...you might want to do what I do when my hubs starts ranting at the news , I tell him maybe he should change the channel. Years ago, he would rant about Microsoft and how bad the OS was and how bloated their software was. It got so that he'd do it several times a week. I told him he had a quota. He could complain about Microsoft only 3 times a week and after that he'd have to wait until next week. It helped defuse his frustration and helped him realize he obsessed sometimes about things he had no control over.

[Saggi]

Perfectly ok to get angry...you might want to say something like "Gee... it seems like I've heard this before, maybe there is a different way of handling things?" Seriously, engage him in some problem solving dialog. Get him to come up with solutions. Just ask questions.

Or...you might want to do what I do when my hubs starts ranting at the news , I tell him maybe he should change the channel. Years ago, he would rant about Microsoft and how bad the OS was and how bloated their software was. It got so that he'd do it several times a week. I told him he had a quota. He could complain about Microsoft only 3 times a week and after that he'd have to wait until next week. It helped defuse his frustration and helped him realize he obsessed sometimes about things he had no control over.

Thanks Iolite!

I'll try that!

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

[Summerland]

Iolite, I have to say your solution is one of the best that I have ever heard and applies to many people in our lives, no doubt. Brilliant!

[Osian]

:(

Basically, I've worked with overcoming Co-dependency and I feel I may be on the verge of relapsing.

My partner (of 9 months) gives me his problems (almost daily) and I offer advice and sometimes I get annoyed if he doesn't take it and he keeps moaning.

I am consumed with guilty feelings about this at the moment, mainly because of the anger. It's my frustration that is causing me to feel angry, yet if he wasn't giving me his problems I wouldn't be feeling this!!

It took me a long time to consider myself and a part of me feels I may lose that!
I've tried just listening, sometimes that can wind me up too, because it's continous and repetetive!

I take time out of the relationship on my say so regularly, this is pointed out, yet I continue to do so.

Sometimes I feel totally drained!

Sorry to offload like this

Love and hugs

Jo

XxXx

Hi Jo

9 months and he's getting on your nerves already :D . If it was me i wouldn.t cut any mustard and get straight in there and tell him how you feel. I would pick a good moment (when he's not moaning on) and bring it up explaining your frustrations etc, talk through it - he obviously likes to talk! If it doesn't work out i'd move on to phase 2, look at myself and if i'm being loving tolerant patient etc then i would look to see if the relationship is balanced and after if the moaning hasn't stopped i would point out VERY clearly this is not good for me, i am loosing myself here so space is needed. Then i would carry that out, the space bit. Relationships should be free and flowing, happy and loving not uptight and peed off lol. I'd certainly change the channel.