I want my heart back...

[Kiran]

I need to lose attachment with the great love of my life and I don't know how to do it...


We live in different countries (me in Austria and he in Spain), and I fell in love with him during a study trip... at first sight, there was a huge attraction, we were like magnets. I went for a walk to the Alhambra with him at three in the morning, I trusted him blindly. We talked our hearts out in the gardens. I accompanied him home to have tea, and we ended up in bed... it was pure magic, two souls completely merged while outside a new day was breaking.

The following day I experienced what people who know about soulmates and twin flames call "the heart pull" - a feeling like my heart was being torn out of my chest. But it was a sweet pain, I WANTED to give him my heart, my soul, my everything.

I had to return to Austria, but we kept in contact over the phone (that phone bill!) and I returned to Granada during my winter holidays. We were madly in love.

Then I started studying, and I got seduced by a boy at university. My love accepted it with no whimper, and I came to think "how much can he love me if he doesn't even mind that I cheat?" Today I know that it was the biggest sign of his love, to let me have freedom and make my experiences.

In the end we broke up over a stupidity - I yelled at him and told him to get lost from my life. And he took me by the word. Any message I sent him afterwards was in vain, he doesn't want any more contact with me. From what I know from his Facebook profile he is taken and working as a DJ nowadays. My friendship proposal he first accepted, then deleted. The second proposal he didn't respond at all.
:icon_frown: :icon_frown: :icon_frown:

He told me from the very start of our relationship: "You won't find another one like me." I know I won't. But I also know that I have to stop feeling guilty about this loss, free myself from this constant pain of having lost the love of my life... I NEED MY HEART BACK!!!

And I want freedom to maybe start a new relationship, which most likely would never reach the heights of this one, but still... I long for love and I know that with the love of my life, there are too many things that stand between us now.

:crybaby2:
WHAT TO DO TO GET MY HEART BACK?

[Smiler]

Dear Kiran

This may sound strange but "Acceptance is the key"
He may have his own lessons in life to complete .. focus on yours .. when you think of him think of him with acceptance and love , know that sometimes the people we have very strong love connections with have other things to complete in life. If you are too be at some point you will be, you sent out an olive branch so the door is not closed .. Be kind to you ... okay!
Take a day at a time.
Place him in a small part of yr heart with your mind and fill with light.. The heart charka is pretty big.
And no-one knows how deep love can get with another they always gage by last experience..

blessings
True love cannot die .. remember that !

:)

[Kiran]

Thank you, Smiler... :hug:

Yes, he has his own lessons to learn and I have to accept it... I guess we are just not meant to be in this life.

You are right, I need to put myself first and be kind to myself and take my time, one day at a time... and keep him in my heart because he IS a true love of mine...

"no-one knows how deep love can get with another" - hopefully I'll find my soulmate... some day...


Blessings to you. :hug3:

[Smiler]

You will Kiran... I feel it !


Love and light
:)

[Tom]

Well first Kiran, you need to quit placing him above you. So he says, "You'll never find another one like me." Oh...That's deep. Let me feel in my pockets. Oops! There's a hole in them. And that's where you need to put that comment...and then lose it. What a grandiose opinion this guy has of himself. How does he get up in the morning without burning a hole in his head when he looks in the mirror? Obviously he can't walk the talk, because if he could he wouldn't have to talk about it! Sounds like a man who never grew up. He's still tugging on someone to be "mommy" and give him attention. Trust me when I tell you Kiran. You are MUCH better off without this loser. Release yourself from this idealized version of him which simply doesn't exist. A real man would have at least addressed the problem with you. He would rather sulk to see how long you will hang around. That's juvenile and stupid. Dump this loser and go find someone who makes your heart sing. It is HIS loss, not yours. :hug2: BTW, real confidence comes from accepting responsibility for your own actions and learning how to talk through issues. Clearly this guy has no confidence. Remember that.

[Racer X]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8


This will shed a little light.....

[Kiran]

Thank you for your answers, Tom and Racer_X.

Tom, you are probably right about that he isn't really as confident as he shows off. I hope you will also be right about me finding someone better than him.

Racer_X, I found the video to be very interesting. You seem to be quite a fan of Eckhart Tolle. The name sounds german and german is my mother tongue - just in case there is a book or something you would like to recommend. Funny I've never heard of him before!

I found this to be true what he said, that we seek partners to fill that inner lack of joy and happiness... we "try to find someone to make us happy" when in fact it needs to be ourselves who work for our own happiness...

In the end, it comes down to the same as I've been told before... I now need to put myself first, and recuperate day by day... until maybe some day I can love again! :smile:

Thank you all! Have a hug! :hug2:

[Gerryh]

Dear Kiran!
The Universe or God or whatever you wish to call it always knows whats best for you. Without fail it is unerring,accurate and can be relied upon.The problem is that fantasy makes way for reality.I would suggest to take good care of yourself and to get on with your life and once you are ready something good will happen to you.
Best wishes Gerry

[Kiran]

Unbelievable it's more than a year and a half that I wrote the above.

My life has changed. I have a partner now. We have our issues, small things that still need some ironing out, but we are very, very, very happy together. Never thought of getting to this stage again.

I am still thinking of the spanish guy from time to time. It seems he will always occupy some space in my heart. Like someone said to me one day, "people will never forget how you made them feel". I will never forget how he made me feel. The highest of joys, but then also, so many tears I've shed for him and because of him. Don't want that, ever again.


I am ready for true love with my new partner. Ready for happiness.


Wish me luck.

[WhiteWolfy]

That's great news Kiran!! Time does heal but some people always leave an imprint on your heart :wink: and I hope all goes well with your new love :smile:

[7luminaries]

Kiran, good for you :hug3: But I would say good for you whether you were in a relationship now or not :hug: The good for you is FOR YOU :smile:

You will be ok -- whether partnered or not -- and you know that now.
I saw your quote, and I feel like those words could come from my heart as well (if I were so poetic and eloquent :tongue:).

I feel the unconditional love for someone, but whether or not anything comes of it now or ever is ok with me in either case. Yes, I'd welcome the opportunity to express my love in person, to touch and to share in the presence of one another. But I am good with it regardless of what happens. I want their happiness, and I also want that for myself.

If there is someone else for me down the road, I am open to that. And if not, that's fine too. Most of all, I value my peace of mind, my dignity, my presence, and my authentic self and expression. And I value that for others as well.

This is why, although I had been dating someone else for the past several months (not the same man as above), I will continue to pull back from that so that I can honour my own need to be happy and free from the issues he sought to impose upon me. I feel very free, happy, and at peace.

Though I miss sharing the day to day presence of my soul connection -- well, this is just owning the natural inclination to share the love in my heart. It is nothing to be ashamed of, or to deny. In fact, I think there is great strength in honouring my feelings, just as I would honour yours or others.

Meanwhile, I can walk my path with ever more clarity and love.
And I wish the same for you, and for all of us, always :hug3:

Peace & blessings,
7L