Men as signs

[HopeForever]

I'm feeling "manipulated" by the universe although this is simply my interpretation of things. I feel like it's using love to keep me going in life. As a background, I've been single for 2 years and a half. My history with love is awful.

Here is how the signs have been unfolding:

Man A) when I'm feeling very anxious, I see men everywhere who look like a man from my past who represented safety and security. I also hear and see his name, smell his cologne, etc. I am being reminded that I am safe. It helps a lot and I don't want it to stop. I no longer have contact with him.

Man B) if I start to think of romance with guy a, the universe tells me no and redirects me to a feeling of horniness or of wanting passion, intensity, I see and hear a guys name that we will call B. I also see men that look like him everywhere I go. Not a great choice as he's an alcoholic and I had a fling with in the last 2 years. He's gone and I no longer have contact with him.

Man C) then when I think about guy B too much I get sick of it, I come to the conclusion that I deserve better. I want a really good, gentle guy. That's where guy C comes in. its a colleague at work I barely speak to but who seems super nice. He's not as attractive as guy B but I fantasize about having a balanced relationship with him. So what's been happening is I tend to see him first thing on Monday when I get back to work. It gives me hope but then what happens is I'm too shy and he hasn't approached me and so I lose interest until the next week...

The cycle goes like this: so when I start to think of a romantic relationship with guy a, the universe tells me no and points me to guy b, and then on my own I'm like "oh ya I don't want guy b, I deserve true love" and then I am pointed to guy c. When I really get into guy c all of a sudden I am pointed towards guy b again and start to have doubts and think guy b will come back and have changed. That never happened!

What I want: a guy who is a combo of all three of those!!!

Questions to universe: does a man with all of the above exist? Why are you sending me representations and not the real thing? Why are you using this to push me in life? Is any of those men the one? Should I add guy c on Facebook (lol)?

[wolfgaze]

Hope, is there by any chance unresolved emotional energy that you have been holding onto associated with Man A and Man B?

[HopeForever]

Wolfgaze that's a great question haha. If there is how do I get rid of it? Guy A is what I believe to be a twin flame and I understood with time there will not be a romantic relationship with him and I but he does represent "safety" for me. Guy b I still have feelings for unfortunately and it probably has a lot to do with no closure and hope. To explain: he left to go to rehab, he moved as well. He left things on "I can't be in a relationship right now"...the door was left open. I always hold on to hope and then get crushed...

I am feeling overwhelmed right now. Here I was jogging this morning fantasizing about guy c, the nice guy, imagining a first date etc. as I jog I see a paper on the floor with guy b's name so I jog faster. As I jog I see two guys walking towards me, one looking a lot like guy b. I try not to look. As I jog past them I turn my head around to have a better look, and guess what? He turned his head to look at me at the exact same time. He had some very discernible features like guy b and so I'm wondering if it was him, I feel like I'm losing my sanity. Then I got home and cried...how do I make this stop?!

[wolfgaze]

Wolfgaze that's a great question haha. If there is how do I get rid of it? Guy A is what I believe to be a twin flame and I understood with time there will not be a romantic relationship with him and I but he does represent "safety" for me. Guy b I still have feelings for unfortunately and it probably has a lot to do with no closure and hope. To explain: he left to go to rehab, he moved as well. He left things on "I can't be in a relationship right now"...the door was left open. I always hold on to hope and then get crushed...

I am feeling overwhelmed right now. Here I was jogging this morning fantasizing about guy c, the nice guy, imagining a first date etc. as I jog I see a paper on the floor with guy b's name so I jog faster. As I jog I see two guys walking towards me, one looking a lot like guy b. I try not to look. As I jog past them I turn my head around to have a better look, and guess what? He turned his head to look at me at the exact same time. He had some very discernible features like guy b and so I'm wondering if it was him, I feel like I'm losing my sanity. Then I got home and cried...how do I make this stop?!

Okay Hope, thanks for the additional information, that's helpful... Work with me on this perspective that I'm going to propose to you, alright? Try to temporarily detach from the mindset of feeling you need a man/partner/relationship right now, and try to temporarily abandon this line of thinking that the Universe is trying to guide you to find someone like these men (or these men themselves).

What if the Universe is giving you these signs (coincidences/occurrenes) because you are going through internal (spiritual) growth at this time in your life and there is something for you to resolve inwardly relating to these two men? Let's call it a 'blockage', something that is limiting you and demands to be cleared (resolved/transcended) in order for you to purify yourself and transition to a new state of being. How would you go about this? Through intensive introspection (self reflection), deep contemplation, and through allowing yourself to acknowledge, confront, and experience any sensitive emotions (emotional energy) that you have stored within you for the purpose of releasing (purging) it and freeing yourself up....

You said that Guy A represents 'safety' to you. So the question I would ask yourself and really contemplate is - why exactly do you find yourself feeling 'unsafe' absent someone else's presence? What has transpired in your life and created a void (lack of security) that influences you to seek feelings of 'safety' in another? Try to mentally review your life experiences and search for an event or period of your life that may have led you to feel unsafe/insecure/vulnerable - and then you have to decide if you may still be harboring emotional energy from that experience in your life which would be subconsciously affecting you and thereby influencing you to seek 'safety' through another. Just as a general commentary (applicable to all), when we feel that we need another person to help supply us with certain internal feelings, we are still very much vulnerable in a way because the subsequent feelings that are generated are condtional in the sense that they are dependent on another person's presence in our life and their treating us a certain way. Therefore if you remove that person from the equation, thereby removing the 'condition' - you are back to square one and left feeling the same way you originally did. This is why it's vitally important that we do the challenging 'inner work' so that we can heal ourselves of our insecurities and purify ourselves - that way we will come to experience a state of being that is unconditional and therefore no longer dependent on any external conditions or circumstances being present. So what you would likely find is that if you can identify and consciously process the underlying cause of these feelings of lack of safety/security - that once you go through that you will no longer find yourself being drawn to an individual who you feel can supply those feelings (safety/security) for you. Does that make sense? You have this underlying 'cause' which leads to certain behaviors/feelings/tendencies (symptoms) manifesting - so in order to alleviate the symptoms you must necessarily address the underlying cause (getting to the heart of the matter).

Guy B you clearly recognize that you still harbor feelings (emotional energy) associated with this individual. That's certainly understandable, especially if the relationship ended abruptly. You are clearly aware how the cycle of having 'hope' and then going through the feeling of being 'crushed' is limiting you and not contributing to your well-being (rather, dragging you down). So it's readily apparent that you need to resolve this way of feeling that is associated with this individual. Now on the surface level, your mind may be misleading you to believe that if you can just get back together with this person (or find someone who's like him), then you'll be alright and feel better/fine/whole - that the hurting and insecurity will be resolved. But that's not going to be the case. That would be the equivalent of putting a bandaid over a deeper wound. Your healing has to come not through covering up the wound with an external solution (condition/circumstance), but come from inwardly generated healing and emotional release (clearing/purging). Did experiencing someone telling you that he cannot be in a relationship with you at that time in his life cause you to question yourself, to question your self image and self-worth? Did it by any chance make you feel insecure and inadequate in some way? These are the types of questions you should explore and contemplate. When you ask the right questions and engage in reflection sufficiently - you will eventually locate and hit the sensitive emotional energy that is forming the 'blockage', and then it's just a matter of having the courage and willpower to allow yourself to fully experience it so that it can be process and purged (released). Yes this will involve cathartic crying and you will feel vulnerable while this is playing out - but it's absolutely worth it and the temporary price that you need to pay in order to free (liberate) yourself.

You are naturally and understandably experiencing internal conflicts/disturbances/disruptions - so how does one resolve that which has an internal origin? By looking outwardly for a solution (external), or looking inwardly for a solution (internal)? See what I'm hinting at here? When you find yourself inclined to think that you are searching for the 'right man' to complete you, or a man who resembles these other individuals who impacted/affected your life in some manner - try to consider that you may be searching for something (healing) where it ultimately isn't going to be found. You will find that when you do the necessary inner-work to resolve these internal conflicts and heal yourself - that you will stop receiving these 'signs' (coincidences/occurrences) from the Universe. The Universe is trying to encourage you to do this work, it's telling you that now is the time to take care of this. You're ready, and you need to go through with this so that you can continue to elevate your state of being and eventually come to experience your true nature and the wholeness that exists within you (and all of us).

:icon_smile:

[wolfgaze]

And I just want to clarify one last thing. None of what I have communicated above is to suggest that you cannot find and form a valuable and meaningful relationship with someone. The important thing here is that you want to work on yourself and bring yourself to a state of being where you are no longer seeking out someone else from a position of 'need' and no longer looking upon someone else to help alleviate and cover up sensitive feelings/emotions/insecurities that were generated from earlier life experiences and which truly need to be healed inwardly and on your own accord (through your own doing). You do this important work first and foremost for your own well-being (independent of any context of being in a relationship with someone else). However a byproduct of doing this work is that you will know yourself better, you will see everything more clearly, and you will put yourself in a position where you will be able to form and experience a significantly healthier relationship with someone because you won't be relying on that someone to supply you with feelings that you at an earlier time in your life could not figure out how to generate within. So don't toss the idea of being in a relationship with someone out the window. It may be more appropriate to set it aside (for now) and remind yourself that the most important priority right now is for you to focus on YOU and concentrate your conscious energy towards the endeavor of healing and refining yourself.

Oh and when a person is going through process of experiencing significant internal growth in their lives - it's natural to go through periods of feeling overwhelmed and times where you are questioning your sanity. So you are not alone in feeling that way. I think recognizing that others have felt that way and been through similar feelings is both comforting and reassuring - it helps to keep you grounded.

:icon_thumright:

[HopeForever]

Wow. That was amazing wolfgaze. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this, it's exactly what I needed and it's making me cry lol. I haven't felt understood like this....in a really long time. You sound like an amazing counsellor and such a great writer. I feel like you hit the nail on the head with so many things.

I feel like I know what the issues are and where they come from, but I never made the link between that and the messages I'm getting from the universe. Deep down I knew "the universe" does not have bad intentions towards me.

In regards to guy A and feeling a lack of security, that's something that stems really far in my childhood. I've always had trouble with social interactions and had difficulties in school, was bullied early on, was told I needed to go to a school for "special kids" which didn't hAppen. All that to say that the world did not feel safe for me when I entered school, and this pattern continued, got worse in high school. Social situations and interactions is where I feel unsafe. The universe is helping me heal by showing me that no matter what interaction I have with someone, in the end I'll be ok. Things have become easier because even though I'm always nervous or scared the worst case scenarios don't happen. It's so challenging though because that anxiety never goes away. ironically I chose a field of work where I am constantly interacting with others. I'm still confronted with people whose energy I don't like, and I try to understand.

With regards to guy B, I think your right, him coming back "healed" is not going to make anything better for me. It's only if I heal myself that I can make things better for me (external vs. internal). Him leaving definitely made me question my self-worth - i will be honest I felt like I fell in love and never experienced that feeling before and so him leaving did not make any sense to me.i think it's related to abandonment issues. I was adopted. I've felt abandoned by my dad as well. Guy B resembles strangely to my grandfather who meant everything for me and then passed away. I also experienced past loss related to an alcoholic man. You just made me realize that guy b represents all of those people....combined. That's probably why it feels so intense. then the question is is it really love or something else? Perhaps healing would mean I am no longer attracted or interested in him at all. I find that that's actually happening more than before. I also see ppl that look like guy b a lot when I do something I'm proud of and in that moment the message I feel I'm sending is "look at how great I am".

I won't lie to you though I'm still feeling like a human being with no sex life and so being reminded of guy B also makes me miss that romance and passion but perhaps that's only a human need and not so important from a spiritual perspective.

In a weird way this is a gift for me to be able to heal...

As you describe the next step is to work on these blockages and issues, which I've definitely been doing, but then the question is what more do I need to do. Can I assume its being done on its own? I feel that way. It's a long process and sometimes it feels like it's too long. Of course I would like to meet someone at some point.

[HopeForever]

...and yes my hope is that the someone I will meet will be a reflection of a healthier, happier me. Can't wait for that to happen.

[wolfgaze]

Wow. That was amazing wolfgaze. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this, it's exactly what I needed and it's making me cry lol. I haven't felt understood like this....in a really long time. You sound like an amazing counsellor and such a great writer. I feel like you hit the nail on the head with so many things.

You're very welcome, friend. Thank you very much for your honest feedback and for expressing your gratitude - that means a lot to me. I'm glad to hear you found yourself tearing up because those are the therapeutic/cathartic tears and it's beneficial that you experience that.

I feel like I know what the issues are and where they come from, but I never made the link between that and the messages I'm getting from the universe. Deep down I knew "the universe" does not have bad intentions towards me.

In regards to guy A and feeling a lack of security, that's something that stems really far in my childhood. I've always had trouble with social interactions and had difficulties in school, was bullied early on, was told I needed to go to a school for "special kids" which didn't hAppen. All that to say that the world did not feel safe for me when I entered school, and this pattern continued, got worse in high school. Social situations and interactions is where I feel unsafe. The universe is helping me heal by showing me that no matter what interaction I have with someone, in the end I'll be ok. Things have become easier because even though I'm always nervous or scared the worst case scenarios don't happen. It's so challenging though because that anxiety never goes away. ironically I chose a field of work where I am constantly interacting with others. I'm still confronted with people whose energy I don't like, and I try to understand.

With regards to guy B, I think your right, him coming back "healed" is not going to make anything better for me. It's only if I heal myself that I can make things better for me (external vs. internal). Him leaving definitely made me question my self-worth - i will be honest I felt like I fell in love and never experienced that feeling before and so him leaving did not make any sense to me.i think it's related to abandonment issues. I was adopted. I've felt abandoned by my dad as well. Guy B resembles strangely to my grandfather who meant everything for me and then passed away. I also experienced past loss related to an alcoholic man. You just made me realize that guy b represents all of those people....combined. That's probably why it feels so intense. then the question is is it really love or something else? Perhaps healing would mean I am no longer attracted or interested in him at all. I find that that's actually happening more than before. I also see ppl that look like guy b a lot when I do something I'm proud of and in that moment the message I feel I'm sending is "look at how great I am".

I won't lie to you though I'm still feeling like a human being with no sex life and so being reminded of guy B also makes me miss that romance and passion but perhaps that's only a human need and not so important from a spiritual perspective.

In a weird way this is a gift for me to be able to heal...

As you describe the next step is to work on these blockages and issues, which I've definitely been doing, but then the question is what more do I need to do. Can I assume its being done on its own? I feel that way. It's a long process and sometimes it feels like it's too long. Of course I would like to meet someone at some point.

I read through and acknowledged everything - thank you for sharing all this. You have very good insights and a strong awareness of yourself and how you have been affected by earlier life experiences. This is really important as it relates to the healing/purification process. Keep up the good work....

As far as what do you 'need' to do? Well, sometimes when we overthink things and try to really force some experience or change upon ourselves, we can end up getting in our own way. There is the line of thinking that our intuition will guide and influence us accordingly along the path that we find ourselves on - sort of like a natural unfolding where there is a time and a place for everything we experience. You have obviously brought yourself to this point where you are experiencing significant internal growth and are on the cusp of even bigger breakthroughs - so try to continue to tap into what you have been doing that has been working for you and brought you to where you find yourself now. In a very general sense, the awakening/purification process is one of elevating and expanding your state of awareness, refining your character (nature) and enhancing your qualities, quieting the activity of the physical mind and reducing your conscious identification with its influence, releasing (purging) sensitive emotional energy to clear blockages, and maintaining the goal (or aim) to strive to 'go beyond' your former state of being. So you can be mindful of and maintain a general awareness and intention of these endeavors - and you will influence and guide yourself accordingly as you move forward.

Before I forget, there is a book that explains in clear terms the process of purification and releasing emotional energy - it also has really good insights about the nature of consciousness itself. Here are a couple quotes relevant to what we were discussing earlier:

"Life creates situations that push you to your edges, all with the effect of removing what is blocked inside of you. That which is blocked and buried within you forms the root of fear. Fear is caused by blockages in the flow of your energy. When your energy is blocked, it can’t come up and feed your heart. Therefore, your heart becomes weak. When your heart is weak it becomes susceptible to lower vibrations, and one of the lowest of all vibrations is fear. Fear is the cause of every problem." ~ The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)

"If you truly want to grow spiritually, you’ll realize that keeping your stuff is keeping you trapped. Eventually you’ll want out, at any cost. You will then realize that life is actually trying to help you. Life is surrounding you with people and situations that stimulate growth. You don’t have to decide who’s right or wrong. You don’t have to worry about other people’s issues. You only have to be willing to open your heart in the face of anything and everything, and permit the purification process to take place. When you do this, the first thing you’ll see is that situations will unfold that hit your stuff. But, in truth, that’s exactly what has been happening your entire life. The only difference is that now you see it as a good thing because it’s an opportunity to let go." ~ The Untethered Soul (Michael Singer)


Kind Regards,
~WOLF

[HopeForever]

You didn't speak once about guy C haha. What about him?!

[wolfgaze]

You didn't speak once about guy C haha. What about him?!

Okay, I can't say with any certainty so I'll just toss some ideas out there and you see if anything written feels accurate to you (if not, disregard)....

It's safe to say that you really don't know this individual very well since you have barely spoken with him and therefore haven't had the opportunity to get to know him on a more personal level - yes? If so, you need to consider that the way/manner in which you perceive him may (at this time) be largely be a product of your own mind's creation (a reflection of your needs, wants, inclinations, tendencies). When you say, "I fantasize about having a balanced relationship with him", I think that is very telling. Do you think that fantasy and impression is stemming from your personal and internal need (desire) for balance and stability? Is that sense of imbalance and instability related to your previous interactions with Man A and Man B, and the subsequent unresolved emotions related to those relationships? In this context, you may be perceiving Man C in a light that makes him appear as a remedy or solution to the lingering unresolved issues tied to Man A and Man B - as someone who will 'repair' things for you. (In my honest opinion that would be like another 'bandaid' type treatment of a deeper wound - trying to cover it up and not really getting to the heart of the cause.) So if this line of thinking feels accurate to you - you may need to acknowledge that how you perceive Man C and how your perception of him makes you feel may have little to do with his actual character/nature, and is not a product of anything he has actually demonstrated to you through your limited interaction with him. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with this guy (I don't know him), and not to say that he might not be a genuinely nice person.... It's just important for you to engage in introspection and gain awareness of what role you are playing in creating the perceptions that you hold - versus what perceptions are legitimately a product of what has been observed relating to the actions and energy of the other individual. It might help to ask yourself if you think other people in your shoes and interacting with this individual would be likely to arrive at similar impressions and perceptions.

The other possibility I'll suggest is could your feelings for this individual simply be the product of what many of us have experienced as a 'crush'? Of course there is the innate inclination to experience physical attraction and a natural longing for romantic affection, but beneath that and on a deeper level, there can be a mental/psychological component to our attraction to someone - and this can come in the form of the perception that this individual is going to love and care for you deeply, and that his actions are going to help generate the feelings/emotions that you feel may be absent in your life or that you are unable to create on your own accord (feelings of love, acceptance, wholeness). So even before we actually know someone and what they are really like, we may find ourselves building them up in our own minds and making them out to be someone who they may not be - and this stems from our own internal needs and insecurities, and our internal need/longing for the experience of love/acceptance/wholeness. In my honest opinion, and this was referenced earlier in the discussion, genuine feelings of love/acceptance/wholeness need to be crafted and generated from within you - or else they will always be conditional (dependent on another's presence and their actions/feelings). So while I think it is natural to have the experience of perceiving that someone else can help supply you with such feelings/emotions (I have experienced this myself) - I also really think it's important to consider that if we want such feelings to become a permanent fixture in our lives, we need to be the ones who take the initiative to do the difficult inner-work to bring them about. The notion that no one else can do that heavy-lifting for us.

Just to be clear, I'm not making any predictions about your future interactions with this individual. Just encouraging you to really examine and contemplate all the possible reasons why you may be perceiving him in a certain light, and why you may be feeling certain emotions when looking upon him. If you can gain clarity about this then you will in good shape to make informed, sound decisions.

Okay that's all I've got, friend...

~WOLF

[Riboflavin]

I'm feeling "manipulated" by the universe although this is simply my interpretation of things. I feel like it's using love to keep me going in life. As a background, I've been single for 2 years and a half. My history with love is awful.

Here is how the signs have been unfolding:

Man A) when I'm feeling very anxious, I see men everywhere who look like a man from my past who represented safety and security. I also hear and see his name, smell his cologne, etc. I am being reminded that I am safe. It helps a lot and I don't want it to stop. I no longer have contact with him.

Man B) if I start to think of romance with guy a, the universe tells me no and redirects me to a feeling of horniness or of wanting passion, intensity, I see and hear a guys name that we will call B. I also see men that look like him everywhere I go. Not a great choice as he's an alcoholic and I had a fling with in the last 2 years. He's gone and I no longer have contact with him.

Man C) then when I think about guy B too much I get sick of it, I come to the conclusion that I deserve better. I want a really good, gentle guy. That's where guy C comes in. its a colleague at work I barely speak to but who seems super nice. He's not as attractive as guy B but I fantasize about having a balanced relationship with him. So what's been happening is I tend to see him first thing on Monday when I get back to work. It gives me hope but then what happens is I'm too shy and he hasn't approached me and so I lose interest until the next week...

The cycle goes like this: so when I start to think of a romantic relationship with guy a, the universe tells me no and points me to guy b, and then on my own I'm like "oh ya I don't want guy b, I deserve true love" and then I am pointed to guy c. When I really get into guy c all of a sudden I am pointed towards guy b again and start to have doubts and think guy b will come back and have changed. That never happened!

What I want: a guy who is a combo of all three of those!!!

Questions to universe: does a man with all of the above exist? Why are you sending me representations and not the real thing? Why are you using this to push me in life? Is any of those men the one? Should I add guy c on Facebook (lol)?
You're alone because you don't do anything. You have to try to form a relationship if you want to have one. Sure, you've had some bad experiences, but you can't win the lottery if you don't play. It appears to me that you feel that your current situation is untenable, if that's the case there's really only one thing you can do about it.