How do you deal with people who slam on your beliefs

[annabelle239]

I'm very upset and in tears now. Twice now,i was in a place of expressing myself authentically and trying to be open and got shut down out of nowhere and a bunch of a variety of insults thrown at me. It hurts that someone could be that cold. The small minded people seem to have disdain for those with more wide views. First,i had tried explaining one thing to her(this is my mom all the her i am referring to),and she sent me a bunch of insults and i got so angry,i flipped out at her for her crazy things she said. And,then,today I was in a good place,and happy and shared the ADC i recieved today,thinking she maybe not believe it but at least would be tolerant. Instead I got the rudest text that made want to burst into tears. I don't know how people can be so mean and intolerant. First,she couldn't understand i'm still grieving and expected it to be over it within a week. I had to explain to her it's been less then 2 months. Less then 2 months! She knows this,too. I don't have depression. It's called grief!
With the text tonight,after I told her about the ADC,she just replied "Get a job."

Ok,keep in my mind. I am in my 20's. I do not live with her. I have my own place. I work several jobs(i'm not a 9-5er,i work freelance and have several things I do). I have friends. I have interests and passions,more then I can do all at once. Admittedly,money had been a bit slow as grief did set me back. I know that's not an excuse,I should be better then that,but I am just being honest.Also,it's not her business as I don't get any money in any way from her. Also,she is the one who always is asking me for things. Asking to borrow money,and food,etc,etc. And,she is going to have to have the nerve to say these insults to me?!
I just really needed to vent in a private place about this. It's just really upsetting. The first text that insulted me the other day was when I was trying to explain to her how my mind goes OCD sometimes and she tells me I have depression,need to go to a doctor and get medicine and get some hobbies and a job. This is so so so rude! I do not have depression! At all. I blog on spiritual matters about healing and how I haven't had depression in so long. I'm normally a happy and optimistic individual who encourages others to be happier and find the happiness. I also believe in self healing. I'm grieving right now and she accuses me of depression and basically saying i'm just bored and need a hobby and job. Yeah,that's what it is. With my various jobs,interests,and friends,and goals in life,i'm just bored and it's making me depressed. Yep,exactly. I don't see how anyone can be so obnoxious.I'm grieving and doing damn well in my opinion and my best friend agrees to.
I know people have different beliefs but I did not think someone would be so obnoxious about it and mean. I deleted her number from my phone. I won't be talking to her ever again. I mean,seriously,i am happy and tell her i got an ADC from my cat and she replies get a job.
It proves more and more to me how much when people act out,it is them. It really is. She is the one who is always bored and telling me how bored she is. She is broke and looking for a job. She has been saying she has no friends. And,then she says all these grossly wrong presumptuous things to me. It hurts when someone you opened up to a little bit over the past weeks does all this.

[primrose]

You don't seem to be asking for opinions, I hope by venting here it made you feel better. Don't take what your mom says so personally, likely you're right about her, it would be best to avoid her for awhile, do you have anyone else you could talk to that would be understanding?

[yumi14]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

[annabelle239]

my best friend but he is out. i will talk to him later. my friend i work with,too but it's late here and this just happened late at night. I just wonder how people deal with people who slam your beliefs down. I guess only thing to do is avoid them. She is clearly very lost to be accusing me of all the things that are her...I almost feel bad. She really killed my vibe. I'm a good person. I'm nice,i'm successful and doing good things in my life,and im usually the person people turn to for advice. it made no sense for me to attacked like that. I wasn't harming her in anyway. Idk how hard it is to be supportive of people. I mean,how would someone like if someone important to them recently deceased and that person grieving said something positive that made them feel good and the other person responded get a life. Because that's basically what she did....all i can think is people must pick on the good..

[annabelle239]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.


I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

[Black Sheep]

Hugs if wanted. I'm sorry about your loss. It sounds like a very trying situation with your mom. I've found that some people, family or not, can be incredibly rigid, and threatened by other's expressions. Like you said, not even converting, just you being you, is threatening enough.

For my own mom, whom I had similar difficulties, I love her, but also love and respect myself enough to not let her treat me that way. Set some healthy bounderies, and if she ever grows to the point she can accept me peacefully, then more power to her. Till that point, I keep a healthy distance from her, she can live freely in her chaos/anger/closed nature, and I can grow, learn, and be free to express myself.

What you are going through is really hard, but there are those of us, who've experienced similar....we support you. :)
Much love.

[LPC]

Grieving the passing of a beloved pet can take weeks, months or years; it depends on the individual. It is a pity that your mother does not understand the significance of an after death communication from a pet. If you have the time to send me the details (in confidence, via private message or the contact page of my site), I would be interested to read them.

But, no matter if you feel hurt or angry at the moment, remember the golden rule of spirituality: forgive and love, no matter what you get in return. That way, you will keep your soul pure and this will help in your healing. Having said that, a little break from each other might let things cool down a bit.

Every best wish to you!

[LadyTerra]

I'm very upset and in tears now. Twice now,i was in a place of expressing myself authentically and trying to be open and got shut down out of nowhere and a bunch of a variety of insults thrown at me. It hurts that someone could be that cold. The small minded people seem to have disdain for those with more wide views. First,i had tried explaining one thing to her(this is my mom all the her i am referring to),and she sent me a bunch of insults and i got so angry,i flipped out at her for her crazy things she said. And,then,today I was in a good place,and happy and shared the ADC i recieved today,thinking she maybe not believe it but at least would be tolerant. Instead I got the rudest text that made want to burst into tears. I don't know how people can be so mean and intolerant. First,she couldn't understand i'm still grieving and expected it to be over it within a week. I had to explain to her it's been less then 2 months. Less then 2 months! She knows this,too. I don't have depression. It's called grief!
With the text tonight,after I told her about the ADC,she just replied "Get a job."

Ok,keep in my mind. I am in my 20's. I do not live with her. I have my own place. I work several jobs(i'm not a 9-5er,i work freelance and have several things I do). I have friends. I have interests and passions,more then I can do all at once. Admittedly,money had been a bit slow as grief did set me back. I know that's not an excuse,I should be better then that,but I am just being honest.Also,it's not her business as I don't get any money in any way from her. Also,she is the one who always is asking me for things. Asking to borrow money,and food,etc,etc. And,she is going to have to have the nerve to say these insults to me?!
I just really needed to vent in a private place about this. It's just really upsetting. The first text that insulted me the other day was when I was trying to explain to her how my mind goes OCD sometimes and she tells me I have depression,need to go to a doctor and get medicine and get some hobbies and a job. This is so so so rude! I do not have depression! At all. I blog on spiritual matters about healing and how I haven't had depression in so long. I'm normally a happy and optimistic individual who encourages others to be happier and find the happiness. I also believe in self healing. I'm grieving right now and she accuses me of depression and basically saying i'm just bored and need a hobby and job. Yeah,that's what it is. With my various jobs,interests,and friends,and goals in life,i'm just bored and it's making me depressed. Yep,exactly. I don't see how anyone can be so obnoxious.I'm grieving and doing damn well in my opinion and my best friend agrees to.
I know people have different beliefs but I did not think someone would be so obnoxious about it and mean. I deleted her number from my phone. I won't be talking to her ever again. I mean,seriously,i am happy and tell her i got an ADC from my cat and she replies get a job.
It proves more and more to me how much when people act out,it is them. It really is. She is the one who is always bored and telling me how bored she is. She is broke and looking for a job. She has been saying she has no friends. And,then she says all these grossly wrong presumptuous things to me. It hurts when someone you opened up to a little bit over the past weeks does all this.

Sounds like your Mom is projecting...so it really is about her and has nothing to do with you.:hug2: She knows all your buttons...perhaps it would be better for you to share your insights here at SF...I would love to hear them!:hug:

Ever your friend,

LadyTerra

P.S.

The great thing about SF is...you can put anyone who annoys you on your ignore list! LOL :wink:

[Native spirit]

:icon_eek: Sounds like your mother is grieving to but cant express how she feels so she takes it out on you,people can be very closed minded.they are not interested in what you think.she sounds a very shallow person to me and believe me ive met a few.
as you dont live with her dont contact her she will need you before you need her,
grief is a very personal thing and can take a long time to come to terms with.
my mother was like that, only spoke to me in a okay way when she wanted something that my siblings couldnt provide,and that was care. just come to terms with your own grief.nevermind your mother.she will have to deal with it in another way.

Namaste

[yumi14]

I have to agree with what Black Sheep pointed out.

Sometimes people simply feel threatened by things they don't understand. It shuts them down and they react with force or pure rejection. Perhaps they are so afraid of the subject at hand that they feel they may 'catch' it. The thing is, what they don't realize is they won't Catch anything at all and if they opened themselves to a greater understanding of things, they may just grow themselves as well. It doesnt mean they have to agree with other viewpoints; but to open oneself up enough to know that there are indeed different angles at looking at things. Some people are so rigid with their beliefs or viewpoints that they shelter themselves from the unknown and put a brick wall up which becomes impenetrable. . Its threatening to them. So what does one do if they perceive a threat to their own thoughts of what reality is? They, then go in defense mode. They don't know what to do with that information.

I don't think it has anything at all to do with you. It has everything to do with your Mom trying to maintain HER reality of how she sees things.

Its sad, tho. Because its not going to hurt her to sit down and truly listen to you and your experiences and to embrace them for what they are. It hurts. I know it hurts. Maybe someday down the road she will be capable of lowering down that wall she has up and open herself up to listening to you. Until then, I would distance yourself a little. Don't stop talking to her, but guard your heart with the things you bring up.

Hang in there. And please, do share here on the forums. I think this is a pretty safe place to open yourself up to. There are people here who will embrace your experiences :). Hugs

[Visitor]

People who respond with tension (anger, insults, put downs, etc) are scared people.
They fear loss, or further loss, of an investment (ideals, beliefs, hopes, expectations, etc).
The best way to deal with it is to simply see these people as scared/fearful and they themselves do not know how to deal with it.
Approach and respond to them as you would to a scared person - gently, softly, reassuring, listening, and never take any of their tension upon yourself.

In times of grief and loss, there are several stages one goes through before the last stage - acceptance. Anger and blaming is an earlier stage.
I suggest you have a read about this and then you can deal better with yourself and others through the grieving period (which is usually about 3 months).

Here is a Link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

[LadyTerra]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Just remember that there is no limit in the duration of time when in the process of grieving. Its an individual process. Nobody has the right to tell you to get over it. For some people, grieving may be a short duration, for others it may last a long time. So, give yourself permission to get thru the process your way. Its your healing, nobody else's.

I wouldn't shut your mom off completely. But, I have a mom that also doesn't get me, nor has she ever truly tried to get me. I have come to her time and time again, thinking she would be a soft place to land, but I always felt worse than before I went to her in the first place. Instead of truly listening to the messages I was trying to get across, I was usually met with judgement. So, that would throw me deeper into a tizzy.

I have to remind myself that she is wired differently than me as well. She is conservative and life must be xyz in order to live happily. But, life is not that black and white.

People like us see and view the world on a whole different level that I suspect most people are afraid to even consider its realm of possibility.

There's nothing wrong with how you view the world, nor is it wrong the way your mom does either. Everyone has their own views.

The trick, at least in my case, is letting go. I finally stopped opening up my heart and wounds to my mom. I recently did reopen myself again to her in a desperate need to communicate things that have happened lately....I wasn't planning on it. In fact, I called to leave a birthday wish for her the day before her birthday, because I didn't want to risk getting a hold of her on her actual birthday and ruin the day for her. I was hoping to quickly leave a voice message and be done. Well, she picked up the phone in the middle of my message and I was so emotionally distraught, I melted. I reopened myself up and ended up in excruciating pain after our conversation was done. I kicked myself for being so weak as to entrust those raw feeling again. In hind sight, I should have just let her be and my birthday card in the mail be the only thing said. For both of us, I think that would have been best.

I'm not saying don't talk to your mom. Just be selective on what you share with her. You can't force someone to open their eyes to see things they don't want to see, or hear things they don't want to hear.

I know...I know all too well....its supposed to be a natural thing.....its supposed to be easy for child and parent to get each other. Sadly, I just don't think that is the case in some instances. It hurts. I know it hurts bad. You want that connection with your mom. I did too. I really did. But, we just see the world differently.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there.


This is very wise advice.

You are a very good Daughter...Yumi14...to keep trying with her the way you do.:hug2:

I reach out to my Daughter and receive only silence. Your Mother doesn't realize just how lucky she is to have you in her life.

[LadyTerra]

I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?

[LadyTerra]

I just feel it'd be so much easier for us to not talk. It seems better that way for people like us..i wasn't trying to convert her beliefs just for her to be at least tolerant. Just earlier,i had texted her too telling her how i appreciate how much she loves her children,and is kind to animals and that she was the one who saved my cat by adopting her back years ago. I was trying to see the good in her and be peace. She said thank you. Then this..I actually am wondering if she is drunk sending that. It just sucks. I was in such a good mood and then this,and now it's blurred all my perceptions again on things. :( I obviously can not ever talk about this stuff again to people unless i know they are more open..i never knew people could be so harshly against things. My work friend is open. She brought up certain things even before me about how she believes in certain things. I wasnt sure I did,but was listening,and polite and intrigued and appreciated her open mind. My best friend believes in some things I do,but not all,but is always supportive no matter what. It's just bizarre to me. If someone had beliefs that were non harmful that made them feel good,i wouldn't be so mean,if i didn't agree. I'd at least be polite. I agree with you about letting go and i'm sorry you have issues with your mom,too. It can feel like a slap in the face. :( I remember at times my mom would literally randomly snap at me quite coldly and i'd feel like bursting into tears instantly. It's funny how the universe put us in the same family. I'm a very sensitive sort,always known to cry very easily ever since I was born,and my mother is a cold individual who can be harsh at times.

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?


IMHO--you are very wise to put some distance between yourself and your Mom--while you are trying to deal with your loss.

I hope (in time) she will find a better way of communicating with you and realize how much her indifference has hurt you.:hug2:

[annabelle239]

I actually feel bad. She had to have been in a low place to act out like that. She's had a hard life and she also lost her mother,brother,and father in a matter of just a few years. Because of that,i thought she'd be more open. She doesn't seem to have the slightest interest in discovering more. It just feels like she is being user-ish to me lately as well and I feel bad but when I try to tell her in a way I feel will help her because it lowers my vibration,it doesn't work. Although,i have empathy for her,too much time around her really lowers my vibration. I'm also pretty sure she gossips about me in a negative way. I ended up attracting a really bad yesterday and today by that outburst of hers and how much it lowered my mood but i am letting that negativity go now and letting myself go back to trying to feel good.

[annabelle239]

Hugs if wanted. I'm sorry about your loss. It sounds like a very trying situation with your mom. I've found that some people, family or not, can be incredibly rigid, and threatened by other's expressions. Like you said, not even converting, just you being you, is threatening enough.

For my own mom, whom I had similar difficulties, I love her, but also love and respect myself enough to not let her treat me that way. Set some healthy bounderies, and if she ever grows to the point she can accept me peacefully, then more power to her. Till that point, I keep a healthy distance from her, she can live freely in her chaos/anger/closed nature, and I can grow, learn, and be free to express myself.

What you are going through is really hard, but there are those of us, who've experienced similar....we support you. :)
Much love.
Yeah,i think she thinks i'm crazy and being dramatic and not letting go. You don't have to forget imo,you can honor things in a positive way and remember. It's kinda bizarre to me how closed she is but perhaps i should try putting myself in her shoes to understand. I agree about loving oneself enough to keep a distance.

[annabelle239]

Grieving the passing of a beloved pet can take weeks, months or years; it depends on the individual. It is a pity that your mother does not understand the significance of an after death communication from a pet. If you have the time to send me the details (in confidence, via private message or the contact page of my site), I would be interested to read them.

But, no matter if you feel hurt or angry at the moment, remember the golden rule of spirituality: forgive and love, no matter what you get in return. That way, you will keep your soul pure and this will help in your healing. Having said that, a little break from each other might let things cool down a bit.

Every best wish to you!
I am actually becoming firmly convinced she doesn't believe in after death communication which is so odd to me,it makes me wonder how do i. Is it that odd of a thing to believe in? Well,she is much more narrow-minded. I will message you and check out your site. I made sure to keep my cool with my response towards her last outburst. There wasn't much to be said without turning it into a dramatic argument and i just could not care to indulge that. Even in my thoughts after with my anger,i tried to remain neutral and not have mean thoughts but instead just letting go thoughts.

[annabelle239]

I should also say it did hit me yesterday it annoys me she herself wasn't just a little more sad and understanding. The cat was her cat,too as she was the one who adopted her when i was little girl and took care of her,too. I know she cares about her,too but still.

[annabelle239]

Sounds like your Mom is projecting...so it really is about her and has nothing to do with you.:hug2: She knows all your buttons...perhaps it would be better for you to share your insights here at SF...I would love to hear them!:hug:

Ever your friend,

LadyTerra

P.S.

The great thing about SF is...you can put anyone who annoys you on your ignore list! LOL :wink:
Yeah,she was really projecting. This was an excellent example of that spiritual truth. The fact that she was projecting,really does just make me feel bad now. But,what can i do.

[annabelle239]

:icon_eek: Sounds like your mother is grieving to but cant express how she feels so she takes it out on you,people can be very closed minded.they are not interested in what you think.she sounds a very shallow person to me and believe me ive met a few.
as you dont live with her dont contact her she will need you before you need her,
grief is a very personal thing and can take a long time to come to terms with.
my mother was like that, only spoke to me in a okay way when she wanted something that my siblings couldnt provide,and that was care. just come to terms with your own grief.nevermind your mother.she will have to deal with it in another way.

Namaste

It's funny,too she was saying recently how much she likes talking to me because i don't yell at her like my brother and dad do. Distance is the answer.

[annabelle239]

I have to agree with what Black Sheep pointed out.

Sometimes people simply feel threatened by things they don't understand. It shuts them down and they react with force or pure rejection. Perhaps they are so afraid of the subject at hand that they feel they may 'catch' it. The thing is, what they don't realize is they won't Catch anything at all and if they opened themselves to a greater understanding of things, they may just grow themselves as well. It doesnt mean they have to agree with other viewpoints; but to open oneself up enough to know that there are indeed different angles at looking at things. Some people are so rigid with their beliefs or viewpoints that they shelter themselves from the unknown and put a brick wall up which becomes impenetrable. . Its threatening to them. So what does one do if they perceive a threat to their own thoughts of what reality is? They, then go in defense mode. They don't know what to do with that information.

I don't think it has anything at all to do with you. It has everything to do with your Mom trying to maintain HER reality of how she sees things.

Its sad, tho. Because its not going to hurt her to sit down and truly listen to you and your experiences and to embrace them for what they are. It hurts. I know it hurts. Maybe someday down the road she will be capable of lowering down that wall she has up and open herself up to listening to you. Until then, I would distance yourself a little. Don't stop talking to her, but guard your heart with the things you bring up.

Hang in there. And please, do share here on the forums. I think this is a pretty safe place to open yourself up to. There are people here who will embrace your experiences :). Hugs

I'm truly convinced she thinks i'm psycho and won't move on. Although really,i think i've been healing at an authentic pace. Feeling my feelings,while using them to transform,express,be creative and still being logical enough to work on functioning and doing the practical things in life. I don't think i've moved on too fast. Nor do i think i'm moving on too slow. My very practical friend i work with who is very smart with science and went to medical school and has doctor husband believes in this stuff and i even got her intrigued showing her a near death stories website. She was getting quite immersed reading some of the stories. I appreciate that she can be open to things,things even i wasn't sure about before,and is still very practical,much more so then me.

i suppose i shouldnt be surprised by my mother. she got angry at me few years ago when i would start talking about positivity and law of attraction stuff. at first,tolerating and calling me crazy but then getting very annoyed by it. i just thought the ADC stuff she might find comforting since she lost her mother,brother,and father in a few year span.

[annabelle239]

People who respond with tension (anger, insults, put downs, etc) are scared people.
They fear loss, or further loss, of an investment (ideals, beliefs, hopes, expectations, etc).
The best way to deal with it is to simply see these people as scared/fearful and they themselves do not know how to deal with it.
Approach and respond to them as you would to a scared person - gently, softly, reassuring, listening, and never take any of their tension upon yourself.

In times of grief and loss, there are several stages one goes through before the last stage - acceptance. Anger and blaming is an earlier stage.
I suggest you have a read about this and then you can deal better with yourself and others through the grieving period (which is usually about 3 months).

Here is a Link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
Yeah,that is smart. I need to do that next time,just see them that way and respond that way. I do feel bad a little.

[annabelle239]

I am so glad you have a friend to help you through this time. It is very difficult to lose a Beloved FurBaby. My FurBabies are just like my own Children.

How comforting it must have been when your Kitty came to visit you.

May I ask about the experience? If so--how did your Kitty communicate with you?
It was very comforting especially because this was the first one to happen when I was in a good mood. I had worried if i healed enough and seemed well,if she would see i'm ok and not feel the need to communicate. Since,i was in a good mood,and having a good day,it was like the icing on the cake of a great day,like she was saying,even on your good days,i'm here. Since my mood was good,the ADC occured and i felt more focused during it that it literally felt so unexpected like i got scared for a minute and was like do i have ghost. then was like "her name." and just knew it was her. and felt happy. the ADC was my good condition computer that was charged and even charging while i used it flicked off suddenly like a TV would if someone had shut it off. It was like a plug was pulled out. I had to re-start it. This only happened once when she did it before when i was very emotional and had just talked about how upset i was that she gone,so very shortly after name was mentioned. Both times same incident. Just very different moods. The mood of this recent one,i had actually set the intention the night before that i would hear from her again before the month was over. And,lo and behold,it took less then 24 hours. I don't watch TV at all but use my computer quite a bit so it's natural she would use that as communication vessel. I sometimes felt while alive she would think i was on the computer too much. lol. This ADC was like she was saying,hey,i'm still here in a friendly way so i feel good. Actually,that's the feeling all the ADC's from here have had,like she's just saying hey,it's ok,i'm still here.

[LadyTerra]

It was very comforting especially because this was the first one to happen when I was in a good mood. I had worried if i healed enough and seemed well,if she would see i'm ok and not feel the need to communicate. Since,i was in a good mood,and having a good day,it was like the icing on the cake of a great day,like she was saying,even on your good days,i'm here. Since my mood was good,the ADC occured and i felt more focused during it that it literally felt so unexpected like i got scared for a minute and was like do i have ghost. then was like "her name." and just knew it was her. and felt happy. the ADC was my good condition computer that was charged and even charging while i used it flicked off suddenly like a TV would if someone had shut it off. It was like a plug was pulled out. I had to re-start it. This only happened once when she did it before when i was very emotional and had just talked about how upset i was that she gone,so very shortly after name was mentioned. Both times same incident. Just very different moods. The mood of this recent one,i had actually set the intention the night before that i would hear from her again before the month was over. And,lo and behold,it took less then 24 hours. I don't watch TV at all but use my computer quite a bit so it's natural she would use that as communication vessel. I sometimes felt while alive she would think i was on the computer too much. lol. This ADC was like she was saying,hey,i'm still here in a friendly way so i feel good. Actually,that's the feeling all the ADC's from here have had,like she's just saying hey,it's ok,i'm still here.


Oh what a wonderful experience...thank you for sharing it!:hug:

It is (also) a confirmation that you can call on her and connect. You have a wonderful Gift and it is wonderful to see what can be accomplished when we remain open to all the possibilities!:hug3: :D

IMHO--she will continue to watch-over you and be with you (always).:wink:

[elisi]

there's also a very subtle way of slamming your beliefs. if a person keeps preaching THEIR beliefs as if it's the only truth, you know they're really saying they don't believe in yours.

someone on this board said it's all good IF one starts off by say 'this is what i think' or 'this is my opinion'.

[LadyTerra]

Yeah,she was really projecting. This was an excellent example of that spiritual truth. The fact that she was projecting,really does just make me feel bad now. But,what can i do.


IMHO...there is really nothing we can do about others--they must find there own way--in their own time.

What I do is work hard to be the best that I can be and abide by my principles and forgive others (and myself) when we inevitably fall a bit short.

We are only human and sometimes we can travel with others (for a time) when our paths take us in a similar direction and then there are times when our journey takes us in different directions. The best situation (to my way of thinking) is when we are able to wish the other well and part company in a loving and considerate way. However--because of basic human nature--unfortunately--this may not always be possible--but I (for one) do try.:hug:

[LadyTerra]

there's also a very subtle way of slamming your beliefs. if a person keeps preaching THEIR beliefs as if it's the only truth, you know they're really saying they don't believe in yours.

someone on this board said it's all good IF one starts off by say 'this is what i think' or 'this is my opinion'.


I agree.:hug:

I think it is (also) helpful when we thank the other person for sharing their perspective...especially if we hold a different one.

IMHO--circular arguments are futile and sometimes it is best to agree to disagree. Unfortunately--some people feel differently--as if they have a right to keep forcing the issue.

What is your view...Elisi?

[elisi]

I agree.:hug:

I think it is (also) helpful when we thank the other person for sharing their perspective...especially if we hold a different one.

IMHO--circular arguments are futile and sometimes it is best to agree to disagree. Unfortunately--some people feel differently--as if they have a right to keep forcing the issue.

What is you view...Elisi?

i agree with you. i try to make sure i present my words as 'my opinion' although i may not have done that. the only time i get irritated is when the person presents like their truth is the only way and you are less than if you don't think the same way. then i guess i can be a pain in the butt. :)

[LadyTerra]

i agree with you. i try to make sure i present my words as 'my opinion' although i may not have done that. the only time i get irritated is when the person presents like their truth is the only way and you are less than if you don't think the same way. then i guess i can be a pain in the butt. :)


LOL...me--too...until I remember that wonderful "Ignore List" option.:wink:

[Tobi]

I can understand how this reaction must have hurt you, coming on top of such lovely, positive experiences as your recent ADC!

Almost everyone I know in my personal life does not have any experiences like the ones I have, and does not believe in a world beyond, life after death, etc. I probably wouldn't either -except that I had things happen which showed me for sure. (as you have had)
Those people, so far, have not had those things happen, obviously. But for all I know, they might, tonight....next week....who is to say?

Although I am happy to be very open about my experiences, and if asked, or in the right context, will gladly talk about the events which changed my life and viewpoint dramatically....when I am with those people I don't mention anything, unless the topic of conversation comes around to it.
I am so very lucky in that, if by any chance, the topic gets mentioned, and I briefly say that I have had ADCs, people who don't believe or know, will still be polite. What they think of me, or whisper to each other when I've gone....lol....I have no idea!

But it must be so much harder to receive rude or harsh comments, especially from a close family member. Especially when you are still processing the passing of loved ones.
I do get 'argument and discussion' from my brother, if the topic comes up however, as he does not believe in such things one little bit. Although he is a mathematician, and knows there are many dimensions, he does not think living Souls can possibly be multi-dimensional, and certainly does not believe in life after death.
We debate awhile, but I don't labour the point, and agree to differ, as only personal experience changed me -not someone telling me what happened to them. So I completely understand his viewpoint.

Strangely, being related to someone doesn't always mean you see eye-to-eye, or can discuss every topic which means something to you, with them. All we can do is have a tolerance, respect for our own state of mind, and their singular viewpoint, and try to be good acquaintances, even if 'real friends who can talk about anything' is impossible. Sometimes, it's best to keep a relationship a slightly more distant one, with kind thoughts to the person, and a visit every week/two weeks.
A big hug without words can often work miracles even with people who cannot reconcile their viewpoints. So can laughter.

One good thing....there is always someone who will understand on here.
Blessings,
Tobi.

[annabelle239]

Yeah,i definitely can see how it is an out there topic. for example.i wouldn't mention things like this to friends unless they seemed very open types or were like my best friend. i guess thinking blood,i thought thinking of it as a little different. but i'm also a believer blood doesn't make you family,it just makes you related.i guess in the moment of things,i also forgot how out there of a topic it is.
Well,the good thing is,as my vibration has raised i am seeing how the law of attraction can really aid me with ADC as well. A half hour ago i did my theta intention exercises and in one intention i wrote out i would recieve another ADC from her before the month was over in a way that was easy for her to do and comfortable for us both. Well,ten minutes after the exercise,the computer did the flicking off thing and i had to restart it. since it just happened this week earlier,too i was like is this for real? and,started feeling skeptical but remembered i did set the intention for it,and this must be a way that's easy for her. also,checked the laptop even though it was in charger and it was like 84&charged so not low at all and it's a good working computer. The best thing about loa,is it can help prove things to you because when you set an intention and it manifests less then 24 hours later,and then again you set an intention and it manifests less then a half hour later....well it's hard to say that's a coincidence. it's literally proving. this just makes me appreciate the loa even more.i firmly believe if i had religion,it would be happiness. happiness creates miracles.
I do kinda wish ADC could become a bit more mainstream. I think veganism would become mainstream before ADC would. Before my little one transitioned,even i thought ADC and mediumship was a bit weird and i questioned it.i didn't know why people would want to talk to dead people for a living. lol. of course,now i understand these things more and it makes sense. I like that things can be sacred though. Things don't have to be public to be special. I just want to be myself. I don't want to be the crazy weird person but don't want to have to hide EVERYTHING either. I will tell people i am still connected to her for example,but computer flicking off i save for only people who believe in that stuff or i can tell anything to. Which,makes sense it's like anything in life in a way. I don't tell people everything about other areas of my life as well. I can say she is still here without needing to tell stories about it.

[annabelle239]

IMHO...there is really nothing we can do about others--they must find there own way--in their own time.

What I do is work hard to be the best that I can be and abide by my principles and forgive others (and myself) when we inevitably fall a bit short.

We are only human and sometimes we can travel with others (for a time) when our paths take us in a similar direction and then there are times when our journey takes us in different directions. The best situation (to my way of thinking) is when we are able to wish the other well and part company in a loving and considerate way. However--because of basic human nature--unfortunately--this may not always be possible--but I (for one) do try.:hug:
i agree with this.

[LadyTerra]

Good morning Annabelle239...how are you doing (today)?:hug:

[annabelle239]

Good morning Annabelle239...how are you doing (today)?:hug:
i'm doing pretty good! getting ready to go to work. i had a lot of work offers this week so i'm happy about that. i didn't get into something i wanted to do that was starting today but decided to trust it wasn't meant to happen and surely enough i ended up getting a job offer for each day that the thing i didn't get into was. so,it's like the universe knew this was better for me right now. how are you?

[LadyTerra]

i'm doing pretty good! getting ready to go to work. i had a lot of work offers this week so i'm happy about that. i didn't get into something i wanted to do that was starting today but decided to trust it wasn't meant to happen and surely enough i ended up getting a job offer for each day that the thing i didn't get into was. so,it's like the universe knew this was better for me right now. how are you?


Now this is a grand example of Natural Magic...Congratulations on your new assignments...I love your perspective!:hug3:

I am sitting here with my first cup of coffee watching FatherSun share the Sky with MotherMoon and thinking what a great day it is to be alive!:D

I would like to invite you to the "Most Anything Section" on the Home Page. Come see us in the "Lounge" Forum and join in the Fun & Games. Look forward to seeing you there.:wink:

[annabelle239]

Now this is a grand example of Natural Magic...Congratulations on your new assignments...I love your perspective!:hug3:

I am sitting here with my first cup of coffee watching FatherSun share the Sky with MotherMoon and thinking what a great day it is to be alive!:D

I would like to invite you to the "Most Anything Section" on the Home Page. Come see us in the "Lounge" Forum and join in the Fun & Games. Look forward to seeing you there.:wink:
Awesome. I will join. :) Love the sun and moon. :) lol,don't know if you are into astrology but my astrology sun and moon sign are in fact ruled by moon(sun sign cancer)and sun(moon sign leo).

[LadyTerra]

Awesome. I will join. :) Love the sun and moon. :) lol,don't know if you are into astrology but my astrology sun and moon sign are in fact ruled by moon(sun sign cancer)and sun(moon sign leo).


That is a most interesting reversal...as the Moon is exalted when in the Sign of Cancer and the Sun is exalted when in the Sign of Leo.

Since they are interchanged...this should mean that you have a Gift for seeing both sides of most issues and situations.:D

[Djurplagare89]

They think its mental because it aint logic, thats why. Spiritual beliefs make sense in our hearts, a leader to rely on when others dont or when you need guidance.
Its cool with me as long as they dont say Im out of my head or asks if I do drugs (I dont and would never!) I can tell insanity from spiritual beliefs because Ive been there both times, Ive seen the Demon inside my own eyes, now Ive got Angels guiding me along the Demonic way to sanity and good health. Chemicals are most "Demonic" substitute, my good win comes from nature and exercise.

Edit: Just wanna make sure youll understand my point, I dont want to flush your pills away down into the toilet, some works very good and are harmless but naturals are an option too.

[annabelle239]

That is a most interesting reversal...as the Moon is exalted when in the Sign of Cancer and the Sun is exalted when in the Sign of Leo.

Since they are interchanged...this should mean that you have a Gift for seeing both sides of most issues and situations.:D
i do! i'm really good at reading people,too and all about live and let live.

[LadyTerra]

i do! i'm really good at reading people,too and all about live and let live.


That's what I'm all about (as well). I firmly believe that people should be free to think and decide for themselves. As long as we aren't harming anyone...it's all good.:hug3: :D :cool:

[desert rat]

I dont know if this was covered as I just scanned the comments . Dont let the beliefs of others bother you . We all have the rite to believe as we wish . I dont know if my beliefs are any more true as some one that believes some thing compleetly different .

[annabelle239]

That's what I'm all about (as well). I firmly believe that people should be free to think and decide for themselves. As long as we aren't harming anyone...it's all good.:hug3: :D :cool:
Exactly how i feel! It's a big wide world out there with a lot of different beliefs. much more peaceful to live and let live. :)

[LadyTerra]

I dont know if this was covered as I just scanned the comments . Dont let the beliefs of others bother you . We all have the rite to believe as we wish . I dont know if my beliefs are any more true as some one that believes some thing compleetly different .


Thank you for sharing this concept...Desert Rat!:hug:

Just think about it...all the arguments, violence, and atrocities (such as War)--started simply--because some exercise the right to think for themselves and dare to follow their own inner-guidance.

I am always getting into trouble--because I am determined to find my own way.:icon_eek: What I believe (today) is not the same as what I believed when I was 20 (Spiritually Speaking). We need to be free to explore and evolve.:hug3:

Life is a journey!!!:D :cool: