Should I settle on being celibate?

[PercevalX]

I look around and I see people getting hitched as naturally as trees grow leaves. I know it's not as simple as that and people all have their challenges meeting the right person. Still, it seems like a natural gravitation for most people. I'm in my late 30's, male and I haven't dated since I was 17, the first and last time I was in love. Hard to say what's happened since then. I've just gone through my educational / career life never meeting someone I really loved or even putting forth a real effort to.

It's not been an overriding dream of mine to have a family like it is with most men. Maybe a couple times a year I'd get a short-lived itch to maybe meet someone and a desire to have a child but not strong enough. I'm shy, live simple, and am fairly comfortable with bachelor life--a hermit. I can say I've had some issues connecting with people in general. There was some heartbreak in my childhood. I've surrendered it, acted on it, and experienced some healing. My heart chakra is light and free most of the time.

So I was sort of in a comfortable limbo as a single until I became kundalini active with the increased libido and the strong desire to connect and share with people, especially of the opposite sex. The divine infusion in flesh is wonderful and I think that sharing it with the right person who has the same spiritual aspirations would be heavenly. In general I just want to share and love and live much more than before. So with all this new vitality I start getting out of the house and also making contacts on spiritual singles' networks. One nice lady wanted to meet me. We really seemed to connect perfectly but when I informed her I was a virgin (Shakti was my first) and talked about the importance of kundalini in my life and that the sex dynamic for me is a special consideration she lost interest, even though she is also on a spiritual path. It wasn't a dissapointment but I'm not sure which issue played the biggest factor. I suppose being a virgin at my age projects lack of sexual prowess--some primal, subconscious thing with women? I'm more comfortable with it than ever. Also my broken-heart syndrom, which always brought intense grief when faced with my inability to connect with the opposite sex has changed. It's lately become an ache for greater union with God and has refined the awakening experience.

Yet, the other desire is there at times, especially when I'm around people. I still want to connect and share love with a partner but it seems impossible, like walls bar my attempts. If I do connect I have doubts because I'm so careful with this process in me. I think my odd situation is such that only the angels could bring the right partner at this point. All I can do now is surrender I think and see what happens.

I'm wondering though if I should settle on being celebate in this existence so I don't have to keep coming back to the issue and wasting energy. Is celebacy even possible being a naturally sensual and passionate person? I thought the Apostle Paul said that celebacy is a gift that most men don't have, or are made that way as eunics. I don't seem to fall into his categories for celibacy. Is there a point in trying to be celebate for giving total devotion to God if you're constantly having to battle lust and/or a healthy desire for union with another person? Family and friends always tell me I'm good-looking and would make a good husband and father making this harder to avoid. Either way my spiritual path takes presidence whether I'm alone or with the special partner. Any thoughts, experience or insight?

[inspirit]

There is nothing wrong with celibacy but there is nothing wrong with non-celibacy either. So if you're having feelings for the opposite sex then I think you wouldn't be harming anyone to act on them. You might just wind up finding happiness.

[PercevalX]

There is nothing wrong with celibacy but there is nothing wrong with non-celibacy either. So if you're having feelings for the opposite sex then I think you wouldn't be harming anyone to act on them. You might just wind up finding happiness.

I hope I didn't convey the idea that there's an overall right or wrong with either. I think you're right but I just get tired of being tugged in different directions. At some point soon if I'm going to move on with any purpose in life I think I have to decide. Or maybe not. If my desires, needs, situations are always in conflict is there a way to just let the whole thing go without deciding? If you saw my birth chart this talking in circles would make sense. How to find balance... now I just need sleep.

[Sangress]

Firstly, I apologize for being blunt and seeming maybe a tad harsh. It is how I am, so it is nothing personal.

If you need to ask yourself whether you should be celibate and question the reasons for taking up celibacy, then perhaps you should not be celibate at all.

I find most times that people who are truly celibate do not actively choose to be that way for any kind of external reason such as a spiritual vice or because of personal situations.

In my experience celibacy is just how they are and it does not effect their lives in a negative way because they feel and have no need for sexual relations.

People who choose celibacy often get negative effects from suppressing and ignoring their primal needs. It can make all kinds of complications. Not to mention unnecessary guilt, a strain on self control and it can inspire depression as well.

What is the point in making yourself suffer for a cause you believe you cannot appease?

What I'm saying is that I think you should take time to be sure of yourself and understand that you would be doing this for yourself before you are doing this for a spiritual purpose.

No one but you can know whether celibacy is the right path for you to take.

Hope my opinion sheds some light on the darkness.

Good luck.

[inspirit]

My point is that just because you haven't met "the one" yet doesn't mean she isn't out there.

[White Wolf]

PercevalX,

Your post brought tears to my eyes... :hug3:

Due to familial obligations, (and accompanying living arrangements), I've been single for a long time. Sometimes I handle the situation easily, yet at other times I cry myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness and the desire to be close - physically, spiritually, emotionally - with a man.

Do you have to make a life-long decision now? Can you leave the door open for the right woman while just getting on with your life? (Easier said than done, I know.)

Sorry, there is too much to say and I just can't find the right words...

White Wolf.

[psychoslice]

Hi PercevalX, remember that we don't need anyone to have love or to share love, you are pure love, that is, your true Self, I spent years looking for this so call love, I had relationships that were just too technical for me. I found after many relationships that I only really needed them because I was insecure, or had to because what would others think. After I realized that I only wanted a relationship because I was lonely and insecure, I just dropped it all, I live by my SELF now and really for the first time in my life am really happy. I have friends that I love and I have coffee with them, but now I don't need to take them home to bed or want to live with them for the rest of my life. When we do so, call fall in love and marry, we are told that we should love this person more than any other person, I just can't swallow that, to me that is selfish love but I think different than the crowed , but you just got to work it out for your self, as long as you are true to your self and do what you want to do, not for some one else, because of what they may think of you, and be careful to read between the lines when others try to project their own feelings of what they what you to do because of their own insecurity.

[PercevalX]

Guys, thanks for your responses to my recent attack. I've been hitting against a core, lifelong issue that's difficult. It's intensified with kundalini so when the dam breaks it helps to be able to post on places where I think it's appropriate and there are people who have a level of understanding I can't find just anywhere. I don't do it to find the perfect answer. I just know my need for community and it helps to reach out and release what I'm feeling. I enjoy the wisdom that often comes from others. I know I seem like a wreck but I'm actually doing better than I have in decades. It's just I don't have anything to prove anymore and kundalini for a cancer with years of pent up stuff is like being on a boat that's on fire in a typhoon.

Sangress: You're right and thanks confirming what the gift of celebacy is. It's just being single is all I've known and maybe all I'll know for awhile. I've already been faced with all the challenges you mentioned and I endeavor not to "suffer" being single. I don't accept guilt even if I feel it, realize Grace and Love is constant for me and (when I can) draw strength from these when it gets hard. I probably can't make the ultimate decision to be celebate given who I am. I hope you don't mind my momentary lack of reasoning when this happens. I think finding the right partner would bring both of us closer to union with God. If "Myself" and my "spiritual reasons" aren't the same thing yet I think they can be... hopefully in this lifetime. I will take time to be sure... it's one thing I'm good at. :)

admin: Diddo! I have to keep being patient. These storms can seem eternal in the middle of one but they pass.

White Wolf: Thank you for your compassion. I'm sorry for your pain also. The stabbing sensations I feel sometimes I know are tied to desire for companionship but may be due to other things. One rare time I didn't try to escape it but allowed the expression as frustrating as it was--like listening to a child cry to find out what's wrong instead of giving it something to play with. The pain turned into a desire to go deeper spiritually and I had peace for awhile after that. It wasn't a fix but tought me the pain doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. What feels like rejection can draw me closer to God. There is Love for us no matter what happens. You're right, I don't have make a decision now. Phew! Thanks WW. :)

psychoslice: Absolutely. What little I've experienced of Her I've grown absolutely infatuated with (my spirit). I know Love comes from the wellspring inside us although I still have insecurity and neediness to work with. I honestly had all but forgotten about women until my awakening because it involves a "wake up" of all the bodies of being including mental, physical and emotional. I can have contentment and balance now but be willing to accept and share love from someone.

Thanks guys for taking the time. You honor me. Much love and blessing.

[easy]

Hi PercevalX, remember that we don't need anyone to have love or to share love, you are pure love, that is, your true Self, I spent years looking for this so call love, I had relationships that were just too technical for me. I found after many relationships that I only really needed them because I was insecure, or had to because what would others think. After I realized that I only wanted a relationship because I was lonely and insecure, I just dropped it all, I live by my SELF now and really for the first time in my life am really happy. I have friends that I love and I have coffee with them, but now I don't need to take them home to bed or want to live with them for the rest of my life. When we do so, call fall in love and marry, we are told that we should love this person more than any other person, I just can't swallow that, to me that is selfish love but I think different than the crowed , but you just got to work it out for your self, as long as you are true to your self and do what you want to do, not for some one else, because of what they may think of you, and be careful to read between the lines when others try to project their own feelings of what they what you to do because of their own insecurity.

Thanks psychoslice, I enjoyed this share of yours a lot on many levels :)

[easy]

Guys, thanks for your responses to my recent attack. I've been hitting against a core, lifelong issue that's difficult. It's intensified with kundalini so when the dam breaks it helps to be able to post on places where I think it's appropriate and there are people who have a level of understanding I can't find just anywhere. I don't do it to find the perfect answer. I just know my need for community and it helps to reach out and release what I'm feeling. I enjoy the wisdom that often comes from others. I know I seem like a wreck but I'm actually doing better than I have in decades. It's just I don't have anything to prove anymore and kundalini for a cancer with years of pent up stuff is like being on a boat that's on fire in a typhoon.

Thanks for sharing your experience I cannot truly relate to it as mine has been more like psychoslice's :D
I also went throught this journey of feeling I was hitting against the core... it required pure courage to look within and face the biggest fear of all... and once it was done and dusted... I just remember laughing at my own self for being so fearfull of such a tiny thing :tongue:
However what I was very curious to know was if this kundalini experience started to come naturally or if you are actually working actively at it...? Either way the energy of kundalini can be used for many purposes and finding your personal way to express it... is a way of settling the powerfull feelings that comes with it :smile:
Good luck, blessings :hug:

[pre-dawn]

If it is virginity which bothers you or the woman you meet then that is easily cured. There is no shortage of woman who would be happy to help
TBH, reading your OP I can understand why your take about sex scares the hell out of woman.

edit by SF staff

[PercevalX]

Thanks for sharing your experience I cannot truly relate to it as mine has been more like psychoslice's :D
I also went throught this journey of feeling I was hitting against the core... it required pure courage to look within and face the biggest fear of all... and once it was done and dusted... I just remember laughing at my own self for being so fearfull of such a tiny thing :tongue:
However what I was very curious to know was if this kundalini experience started to come naturally or if you are actually working actively at it...? Either way the energy of kundalini can be used for many purposes and finding your personal way to express it... is a way of settling the powerfull feelings that comes with it :smile:
Good luck, blessings :hug:

In a way I can relate to each person's K story but I'm often amazed at the unique ways in which it meets each individual. Unlike many I had some foreknowledge of it. I read material and asked for it beforehand. I sensed something calling to me. Previously my dogmatic religious mindset was challenged through dissolution--the classic chaos to re-ordering. Once it happened though there was no doubt in my mind that it was due to the grace of divine feminine, not my own efforts. I had been doing meditation and energy work on my own (rather nonchalantly) but it was a total surprise once it happened. There was also a car accident, which might have contributed and other factors. In a way it seems like I've been guided, ignorantly, my whole life for this. I was brought to a place where I had nothing to loose and was finished with life. Now I just want to honor it and be the best vessel I can although I'm far from perfect. I'm grateful for Shakti's forgiving although sensitive nature. I would say that "hunger" and "surrender" have been the most valuable commodities through the whole experience. It's like there's a fathomless, invisible ocean churning just below. It wants to spring up more than we want it to. We just have to surrender.

[LotusBlossom]

I think the answer to your question is reflected in the title of the thread. With the choice of the word "settle". If celibacy is settling then it sounds to me like it's not the thing you want.

Best of luck to you

[Mountain-Goat]

I look around and I see people getting hitched as naturally as trees grow leaves. I know it's not as simple as that and people all have their challenges meeting the right person. Still, it seems like a natural gravitation for most people. Gravitation denotes external influences dictates their life and not from conscious choice.
And I agree with your statement. Lots of people decide to do things without knowing why they do.
It's not been an overriding dream of mine to have a family like it is with most men. You assume most men think this.
Is it not "society" that assumes the authority of classifying what is normal and what isn't? IE: "being single is weird."
Anyone, being a part of society, potentially can unconsciously be influenced by it's so called classifications.

I suppose being a virgin at my age projects lack of sexual prowess--some primal, subconscious thing with women? It's regarded as uncommon, unusual, and you know how some react to the unusual.
And unusual doesn't mean it's wrong.
I'm wondering though if I should settle on being celebate in this existence so I don't have to keep coming back to the issue and wasting energy. If the issues are things you need to deal with, no.
If celibacy is part of your journey and you choose it for positive reasons, yes.

Is celebacy even possible being a naturally sensual and passionate person? I am a sensual and passionate person and I chose celibacy and it's been brilliant.
I chose celibacy, not because I was born that way, I chose it because from my marriage breakup I saw how painful it was for my 2 kids when my X had another man in her life.
I chose to forego another partner till my kids grew up and left home.
Little did I know at the time how powerfully alchemaic celibacy is in regards to personal development.

I thought the Apostle Paul said that celebacy is a gift that most men don't have, or are made that way as eunics. I don't seem to fall into his categories for celibacy. Yeah, that's what he said, doesn't mean he's right or has the whole picture.

Is there a point in trying to be celebate for giving total devotion to God if you're constantly having to battle lust and/or a healthy desire for union with another person? Family and friends always tell me I'm good-looking and would make a good husband and father making this harder to avoid. Either way my spiritual path takes presidence whether I'm alone or with the special partner. Any thoughts, experience or insight? Celibacy or no celibacy has no extra merit with god.
God requires one thing, be yourself, know yourself.

Bottom line is this. If you're using celibacy to avoid your inner issues, you will simply create more inner issues.
If you had no inner issues, would you be contemplating celibacy?
Decisions you make, paths you take, do you do them from freely running to them or from running away from something?

[easy]

In a way I can relate to each person's K story but I'm often amazed at the unique ways in which it meets each individual. Unlike many I had some foreknowledge of it. I read material and asked for it beforehand. I sensed something calling to me. Previously my dogmatic religious mindset was challenged through dissolution--the classic chaos to re-ordering. Once it happened though there was no doubt in my mind that it was due to the grace of divine feminine, not my own efforts. I had been doing meditation and energy work on my own (rather nonchalantly) but it was a total surprise once it happened. There was also a car accident, which might have contributed and other factors. In a way it seems like I've been guided, ignorantly, my whole life for this. I was brought to a place where I had nothing to loose and was finished with life. Now I just want to honor it and be the best vessel I can although I'm far from perfect. I'm grateful for Shakti's forgiving although sensitive nature. I would say that "hunger" and "surrender" have been the most valuable commodities through the whole experience. It's like there's a fathomless, invisible ocean churning just below. It wants to spring up more than we want it to. We just have to surrender.

WOW... I never expected that answer... do not take me wrong I am impressed... truly impressed!
I am honoured to have met a man like you and please do believe what is yours will come to you... :smile:
Love and blessings :hug:
Easy

[psychoslice]

Not many can be a true celibate, to be a true celibate you must Know your true SELF, so many go through their whole life never really Knowing them SELF, they have big families and smother their selves with children just so they wont be lonely in their old age. There are also many that after working nearly all their lives wouldn't have a clue what to do with selves after retirement, in fact most just lay down and die not long after. It takes a special person to be a true celibate, a person who has realized that its not really celibacy, but a celebration, a celebration of their true Being.

[Jules]

Hi Pre-Dawn
Just to let you know I've edited your reply on the Should I Settle On Being Celibate thread. Although I appreciate your reasoning behind your answer, as you know SF is a family orientated forum soo with that in mind I had to edit 'women would relieve him for a fee'
I trust I have your understanding in this matter
Namaste
Jules
SF Moderator

[happyfool]

Brother plz do not think too much....I lost my virginity fews days back..I am 24 yrs old...it feels wonderful..

If u love that woman then why r u stopping...love has more energy and power than the negatives of ur mind and the all other obstacle...

love is devine...and u need to lossen up a bit forget about you and ur problems...dont know how peoples will react to this advice of mine but u should try marijuana...
I am a follower or Shiva and I take marijuana for spiritual purposes..http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/C:\Documents and Settings\pratap\My Documents\My Pictures\shiva-cartoons

[happyfool]

http://smsjokes.co.in/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/shiva-cartoons.jpg

LORD SHIVA

[PercevalX]

Brother plz do not think too much....I lost my virginity fews days back..I am 24 yrs old...it feels wonderful..

If u love that woman then why r u stopping...love has more energy and power than the negatives of ur mind and the all other obstacle...

love is devine...and u need to lossen up a bit forget about you and ur problems...dont know how peoples will react to this advice of mine but u should try marijuana...
I am a follower or Shiva and I take marijuana for spiritual purposes..http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/C:\Documents and Settings\pratap\My Documents\My Pictures\shiva-cartoons

LOL. Nice pic. I agree that love, including what some would call human love, is divine. It's the best of divine love that most people will experience in this lifetime even if it's only for a brief, yet timeless period--falling in love. I can't go there right now. I was starting to move in that direction and I'm not ready to commit to meeting a woman's (and possibly children's) needs on that level. I don't think it would be fair to them or me. This isn't a firm decision, just something I'm seeing. I can't make firm decisions right now about the future, other than surrendering to this process. I certainly can't seek out a sexual relationship without love. It wouldn't be good for my particular emotional makeup nor compatible with the process.

Yes, I need to loosen up. I've had to realize lately that what I'm in is much bigger than my situation and any mental confusion or hang-ups I have. I need to relax, buckle up and enjoy the ride. The choices I make matter though. Not taking myself serioiusly, but taking IT seriously. Maybe having gleeful reverence is the best way to put it. As with everything I'll have that balance. The closest I've come to seeing what this is all about is like being taken into a kind of blissful, bewildering, unknowing mesmerization. It's like facing a window into a different world that only serves to blind and confuse me further. It seems to have no relevance to my world so my mind doesn't know how to translate it. But something makes me want to stand there gazing. It's being blinded, like when one's looked at the sun for too long and can't see much else for awhile afterwards. Nothing makes sense anymore and I can't describe it but it's wonderful.

I'm trying to say that it would take someone really different to join me on this ride because I don't know what it is or where I'm headed but I'm not going to deviate now for the sake of anything. I hesitate to try to figure out what prompted me to post here because I'm sure it's deeply subconscious. It has to do with the build-up of my experiences on earth, my pre-conception spiritual DNA maybe, and was obviously prompted by recent activity. Typically the first area of operation happens in the 1st and 2nd chakras, so one's sexuality is activated and utilized. Mindsets/hangups are confronted. How the ego consciously and subconsciously handles this operation is what's "amusing" to watch. Now that I have some history with this I'm learning not to go to message boards with every little crisis but to be an observer. I don't regret it though. I'm also not diminishing the importance of social interaction and reaching out. I value every reply because each represents the experience of humanity which I share in.

I have a long, long history with drugs, especially for the purposes of stiffling my overactive mind and "enjoying" life. I prefered opiates over weed. They served their function teaching me and helping me to cope but there are consequences.

[PercevalX]

Not many can be a true celibate, to be a true celibate you must Know your true SELF, so many go through their whole life never really Knowing them SELF, they have big families and smother their selves with children just so they wont be lonely in their old age. There are also many that after working nearly all their lives wouldn't have a clue what to do with selves after retirement, in fact most just lay down and die not long after. It takes a special person to be a true celibate, a person who has realized that its not really celibacy, but a celebration, a celebration of their true Being.

Thanks psy. Whether it was unfair judgement on my part or something deeper, I knew early on that what you described was not the life I wanted. I have to believe though that those things can be done in the context of enlightenment and greater meaning, although with great adversity in our age. I hope that society once again enters a new golden age and rivives puberty, marriage, child-rearing and other important institutions / rites of passage within the unifying Whole. We're in the worse mess humanity has know, made worse by the fact that we think we're advanced and enlightened. We've lost our center. Do we become separatists or revisionists or something else? My role and many people's are still to be determined. Either way I think we're beyond the point of no return because we're so far removed from truth--so broke in our limited perceptions. I want to bring whatever light I can and wait for the inevitable chaos and re-ordering. With grace perhaps we can spur on the action of both.

[PercevalX]

WOW... I never expected that answer... do not take me wrong I am impressed... truly impressed!
I am honoured to have met a man like you and please do believe what is yours will come to you... :smile:
Love and blessings :hug:
Easy

Thanks easy. :) Most of us don't get that kind of feedback often. I answered your PM. Be blessed.

[PercevalX]

http://i53.tinypic.com/11j1bhe.jpg

[PercevalX]

Gravitation denotes external influences dictates their life and not from conscious choice.
And I agree with your statement. Lots of people decide to do things without knowing why they do.

Decisions you make, paths you take, do you do them from freely running to them or from running away from something?

When I say "most men" I'm relating some of what my brother and brother-in-law have shared about their lives--that they always knew it was their purpose. I observe it in many and I honestly have the same natural tendency although I haven't made it reality. I like what you say. I still live with this pressure. I go out, with family or otherwise, and feel like the odd man out. There's not only loneliness in having no partner but a larger social disconnection. I'm naturally not in the mindset of most my age, including many functions involving my old friends and their wives/families. I shouldn't put thoughts in people's heads but seems like they would naturally judge me as incomplete, deficient, lazy, a non-contributor, a poor sap. I have to be honest about these thoughts because they may be perceptions I have towards myself, as I'm in the process of dis-identification. Also, I need to focus on what I do have and who I can relate to instead of what I lack.

I won't try take a guess at what you mean by "alchemaic celibacy". I didn't know previously how important sexuality was, especially in the context of kundalini activation. I won't elaborate but to say that true spirituality doesn't suppress or deny anything but seeks to activate, synchronize and fullfill every aspect of being. What an individual can experience within the divine infusion is unbelievable.

Your final questions are wise and should be simple to answer. I honestly don't know the answers accept, I certainly I have inner issues. My forcing myself to contemplate in terms of this vs. that maybe represents duality thinking which is a result of the bigger problem. I have to surrender it for now. As far as testing my motives in making decisions your final statement is one to remember. Life should be filled with ecstasy due to the motives and results of decisions we make, even if some things look like pain and sacrifice to those who don't understand. Thanks for the provoking discussion.

[Kiran]

Hello PercevalX (nice name!)


From my experience, I can only say that I don't recommend it. It can become very hard. I'll tell you why.

I have always been a very emotional girl, and sensual. I lost my virginity at 16 after a party, it was a one night stand. I just wanted to get it over with because everyone seemed to "have had it". I liked that guy and he wanted to keep on seeing me, but I forgot his number and never saw him again. I wasn't very active after that, as it was kinda like "huh? That should be it? That great thing everyone is talking about? Well, ummm, it's nice, but... why this obsession?"

I started falling in and out of love with several guys from my school which I watched from a distance. I finally focused on one which I called "the sand-coloured". I used to follow his steps in the snow after school was over, but we never talked above friendship. I wrote many poems about him and a "rather long short story" that got a public reading but was never published.

Then I knew a guy from India on the internet, he came to visit me and my family for spring break and he started to like me but expected sex, so I gave it to him. It was good and with him I learnt how to enjoy it. I promised to come and visit him in London during the summer vacations.

But shortly before those, we had a study trip to Spain, and there I met my soulmate. It was incredible and very intense to feel that connection to someone. We had known each other three days and spent a magical night where the universe opened on us. Very spiritual and blissful, a union of body, mind and soul. Total self-giving. Wow.

Nevertheless, I went to see my "boyfriend" in the summer and lived with him, making love with him, like several times a day. But it started bothering me. I had felt the REAL pleasure. I was in love with someone else. I struggled hard with myself because he threatened to kill himself if I left him, but finally, I did (he is still alive and a very successful businessman nowadays).

Magic started. I called my love in Spain almost every day for at least half an hour (that phone bill!)... we agreed I came back to Granada for the winter holidays, after spending Christmas with my family. I had myself prescribed the pill, but I wasn't used to it and kept forgetting it a lot of times. So one day he came in and asked "did you already take your drug?". I was shocked as by that time "drug" meant to me a different thing than "medicament" and I thought he was disapproving of it, so I told him I would not take it anymore, thinking we could find a different method. But it came out the other way, we stopped having intercourse at all. I would seek him but he wouldn't let me, he would give me hugs and kisses and sensual massages but nothing more. Still we were madly in love and thinking we could handle a celibate relationship, supposing it would help our spiritual development.

But being a hot-blooded female just turning 20, you can guess what happened. I got seduced by a boy at university and went to bed with him. He hadn't finished yet when I would start crying - I was so ashamed at myself. I promised myself to never let this happen again. But desire was stronger. I met a man ten years older than me and we had an almost abusive relationship - he told me I was a masochist, and I might be because I enjoyed the roughness, being taken. I indulged totally in that, until he left scared of my feelings.

My soulmate accepted all this with no whimper, and I came to think "how much can he love me if it doesn't even bother him that I cheat?". Wrong thought, it was the biggest sign of his love.

I desvirgined a boy without knowing (he told me later) and felt responsible, thinking of my own first time. I stayed with him for two years until he proposed marriage to me. My soulmate and him got into a word fight and in the fury I told the person I had always loved "lose yourself, never bother me again in my life".

Biggest mistake of my life because he took me by the word, as always, and even nowadays wouldn' react to my messages.

That guy I was finally proposed to brought me down, financially, emotionally and spiritually. When I finally escaped, back to my family, it took me a long time to recover.


I'm at it. Ever since I have been living celibate, and don't miss it. At least not the usual thing. I DO however want back what me and my soulmate had together.



So no, I would not recommend it. One day you will find the right person to merge with and then it will be the most perfect, tantric experience you could imagine. And if you do, hold on tight to that person and be careful never to misunderstand her.

[LightFilledHeart]

I'm at it. Ever since I have been living celibate, and don't miss it. At least not the usual thing. I DO however want back what me and my soulmate had together.


That's pretty much where I'm at. I long for what I had with my Twin Soul, but I would rather not enter into sexually intimate relations with any less of a bond that what I had with him. Those days are over for me. I have become an ascetic.

[PercevalX]

My deep soul searching, which prompted me to start this thread, was answered quickly and head-on. I knew changes were happening inside and around me but couldn’t have guessed my rant would take me any further than this forum conversation.

“Easy” and I are different in many ways (religious backgrounds, cultures,personalities) yet the tug of kindred Spirit was impossible to deny from the start. Since our first text conversations we’ve barely spent a day apart. It feels as if heaven had prepared an oasis for us, from time immemorial,waiting for our eventual meeting. Past symbols, dreams, and life’s moulding now made sense. There is bliss but also challenges as soul sheds its old skin, exposing its wound’s dirty bindings to the open air. The Spirit knows when to trust but our other parts may not give in so easy. I’d started this process but now with her it becomes mutually beneficial and accelerated. I was prepared to go it alone but I’m happy, very happy with my choice and hers. I'm glad that I was celebate for as long as I was. It lasted longer than most, but it was a good time. Without it I would not have met her.

I salute her for the beautiful soul she is, for loving in me what others miss, for her naked honesty, resolve in life, for facing her challenges and hardship bravely and remaining good, and for diving in to this new life with me 100 percent despite the risks. She is my soul sister, my bride, my best friend.

I could go on about how God has prepared for, marked and blessed our union and about the amazing events that have happened in this wonderful, head-spinning couple of years. Big thanks to this site and the good people here. May you find truth,strength, and blessings in your journeys.

[easy]

Perc wanted to place this image in his post but we need to use my account. Our new family member... something else we can blame on this thread.

http://breakthroughchurch.com/IMG_2170d.jpg

[Belle]

Oh my - what an amazing journey.

I wish you every happiness both of you and thank you for sharing.

[Jules]

Ok now you've both made me cry. What a beautiful insight and fantastic journey. Congratulations to you both and I wish you continued success together xxx

[twinkle]

PercevalX and Easy (I think of "Easy like Sunday Morning" song),

Congrats! What a lovely outcome. I am in a similar situation as you were in as far as the distance factor. I assume you texted because you lived in different states? I am curious if a long distance relationship can work out. It gives me hope that it worked out in your case. If you do not mind me asking, how long did you text before you met in person? Did one of you move to the other's state? My problem is others say a person may have a different online persona than in person. But I guess you did not experience that.

[PercevalX]

Good one, since both she and our baby were born on a Sunday.

Actually we lived in different countries. We texted and talked by Skype only two months before we met but we probably fit in a years worth of what most people would consider casual chatting within that time. We covered a lot of good ground before meeting. Lots of preparation and testing. I moved to her since it was much easier given our situations.

As far as personas, fortunately I found early on she wasn't the kind of person to pull any punches and we both easily discussed tough personal issuesand history. So a lot of clues she wasn't putting me on. Of course after you meet someone you'll get to know them better. How they deal with pressure, their rough edges, how they are with family. But putting on a persona or hiding things is another matter.

I think one big test in most relationships is being tempted to whine or even terminate the relationship because the person no longer "acts" theway they did at first or it doesn't "feel" this same way. We get so addicted to the feelings of novelty.

Good luck to you friend.