Death how do u react?

[Moonflower]

Hi Everyone

How do you react when someone close to you passes over whether it be a parent, grandparent, siblings, relatives or close friends?

I can only speak from personal experience but I may sometimes appear to some people to be lacking in emotions even my sisters, & as some people pereive who have in the past commented on, but, without the knowledge of my belief system & what I believe.

My belief does not mourn the death but celebrate the life & I also know that they are still with us on the other side of he veil of life so with that thought in mind I have no reason for tears.

I have lost in my time as many as you have all manner of people grandparents, my Mother, cousins, aunts, uncles & friends.

Do you believe there is a protocol for the way we should react & are we wrong for not reacting in the way that peole expect us to?

Moonflower x

[daisy]

no every one of us are individuals and react to each death in different ways as the deceased too is an individual, i think people think i'm quite cold and uncaring but like you my beliefs make it a little easier to bear.
i don't feel we should feel obliged to greive 'to order,' in a certain way going through a chain of emotion we should all be free to grieve as it comes, it really should be a celebration of their life.
people who measure depth of love by tears at graveside imo have very limited understanding, this isn't their fault though.
i believe its the physical loss we mourn as they stay with us always in spirit

[Pounamu]

I'm with Daisy in that each circumstance is individual and unique; I think one has to balance being true to your heart-feeling about it and one's knowledge of the "bigger picture" of Life, with the compassion needed to interact with people who have not that understanding - if possible, not giving offense... But, "To thine own self be true..." as Shakespeare said. I fnd it hard; but endeavour not to compromise my understanding to suit other people. It can open opportunities to cheer people up and give them your understanding, once the initial shock has worn off. I agree that people are mourning more for themselves than the one who has passed into greater life and freedom.

[Jenfra]

I too agree with all that's been said, especially about mourning the physical aspect of death. And I admire those of you who can accept and celebrate the life rather than mourn the loss.

Like many I have lost most of my loved ones now, in fact 4 people have left my life in the last 12 months.

I reacted 3 different ways to the main 3 in my life.

My father - I completely 'switched off' for 6 years following his passing. I became like a zombie, no joy, no sadness. I just refused to face reality. That had serious consequences for my mental health.

My mother - I have never mourned her. The night before she died I begged God to take her. A long story I won't go into here but I knew it was the kindest thing for her. God answered my prayers 12 hours later. Though I miss her, even after 12 years, I know she is safe and happy now, which she never was in life.

My love - I have cried an ocean over his passing this last 12 months. Not for him. For me. For the loss of the dreams, the hopes. The pain of losing him has been unbearable. Even though I know he is still with me.

I was brought up to believe that grief was for the living, that it was wrong to mourn the one that passed. And I do believe that. But the pain of remaining here without them can be very hard to bear.

I guess my point is - all grief is different. All people are different. There is never a wrong way to grieve. We can only do what we each feel is right. I guess one of the hardest things we have to learn is how to 'let go'. Some have mastered it, some, like me, have a long way to go.

Perhaps the grief some people feel is a kind of envy that the one that has passed is now free of 'this earthly coil'. I suspect that is part of my grief.

Jen xx

[tiltjlp]

Grief and mourning are not the same. I grieved my father's death, because I missed and still miss him. But why mourn when death is the right thing, given the circumsances. Instead, we had a memorial service and celebrated his life, and the kind of person he was. Too often the comments someone will make at the time of a person's death are the only kind words or thoughts they have ever had for the departed. It's not how you react to a death that matters, but how you threated them while they were alive.

John

[daisy]

isn't that the truth, why wait til someone dies before telling them how much you love 'em, do it now... today!

[daisy]

that said none of us truly appreciate just how much we have in our lives til suddenly it is gone, myself included there, we're all guilty of that to some degree, none of us are saints are we?

[Moonflower]

Hi Everyone

Interesting opinions from you all :-)

Daisy I am with you & fully appreciate what you are saying & yes it is the physical loss that people often cannot come to terms with so much more to say so many things left unsaid why didn't I say this or why didn't I say that..

Pounamu I think the quote from Skakespeare is very apt & speaks volumes & your own comments about 'not compromising yourself to suit others'. I also agree that it a time when people can let go of their own emotions without people taking any notice as such.

Dear Jenfra it is always sad when we lose so many people who are our nearest & dearest most loved but as you know other people who are not so closely intertwined soon return back to normality in their everday lives with the memory of deceased family, friends & aquaintences fading into the background but clearly still in your heart & mind. It will get easier my friend as time goes by & you will be able to remember them with a loving fondness that will never die & you eventually will meet again when the time is right but not until the time is absolutely right :-)

John how right you are it always amuses me why they have a memorial to lets say an actor or a comedian why wait until they pass over do it so that they can enjoy it while they are still in the physical. You do & always will miss those who have touched your heart & you will still at times, when you see someone in the street think it is one you have lost & maybe in that moment it is!!

We are a close family & whenever we put the phone down, whenever we see one another we never forget to say 'I Love u'..

Thank you all for your input it's nice to know that others share the same values on life & death.

Moonflower x