Feeling the Expansion

[pingline]

Don't be surprised if you experience a bit of identity wiggliness. For example, someone might comment on something about you specifically, and your reaction might feel like, "...who?" When we're contracted down to a pinpoint of identity, a lot of the structure comes from fear-based identifications. Now that these are losing their dominance, your very sense of who you are is undergoing massive transformation.

When we're expansive, even if we aren't aware of feeling over-the-moon joy, there is no clinging to identity or a sense of "this quality or defect or accomplishment is mine." If someone praises you, it may feel warm and connected and glorious, but there will be no sense of relief from a fear-based identity. You won't feel as attached to positive feedback, but you'll be fully capable of appreciating it and savoring a flowing connection with others.

The same goes for negative feedback. When you're in an expansive state, negativity coming from someone else will be received in a more attentive, compassionate, and alert way. This doesn't mean that you must make any attempt to receive criticism in a more "positive" way (unless you are inspired to do so). There is also good in feeling the contraction, the small, dense, fear-based response. There is value in experiencing this with the awareness that there is also expansion. It's part of the melting away of the old and the blossoming of the new. You can feel how each response affects you. You'll settle down where it feels best.

Part of feeling the expansion is also heightened awareness of its opposite--the contraction. The contracted state has been habitual for humans, and after having an expansive experience, the contracted "normal" will feel even denser and more awkward than it has in the past. You can visit, but you really can't live there anymore.

[LindseyLou]

How does one get over a fear based identity? I am terrified that I am depressed and don't have a job. The depression evokes a lot of fear about not being able to overcome it. Any ideas?

[Gem]

How does one get over a fear based identity? I am terrified that I am depressed and don't have a job. The depression evokes a lot of fear about not being able to overcome it. Any ideas?

Do you see a psychologist?

[pingline]

Hi, Lindsey-Lou. In the bigger picture, there's nothing you have to do other than move toward what attracts you and way from what repels you. If you're craving something more concrete like a process, know that you're likely to bump into it and recognize its resonance with what feels most true to you.

My family went through a one-year jobless period a couple of years ago, and it led to tremendous growth and breakthroughs because it brought me face-to-face with core issues of worthiness and vulnerability.

Regarding the depression and fear, I recently wrote this about what is happening when heavy emotion surfaces and even appears to take over for a while:

Letting Go of the Chains

If you're having a goo-heavy period, you may notice that outer circumstances in your life are quite normal. It's just that now you're so aware and hyper-sensitive to every thought of shame, of guilt, of inadequacy, of jealousy, of lack, of worthlessness. Being aware of this, seeing it, brings on exhaustion and overall yuck. But can you see the triumph in knowing what exactly is going on? Can you see the triumph in the past rising to the surface and floating away?

If you're noticing recurrent thoughts of death and utter failure, remember that you elected to go through a huge transformation in your right-now physical body, without dying. The death and failure thoughts are about the ending of a mode of being that is no longer suitable for you. The way of doing things is dying, but the physical body is sticking around.

A little hard to appreciate all the good this process is bringing in when you feel such dense clouds of negative energy, but remember that they're brushing past you on the way out. You are not the yuck. Repeat 1,000 times: I am not the yuck. When you poop, you don't mistake the poop for yourself, do you? You don't lament over your essential poopiness. You don't hold onto it and attempt to transform the poop into fruit loops. And the poop itself is not bad--it's simply the stuff your body doesn't need. You release without fanfare and move on. Therein lies the transformation.

Wilson Phillips:
I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains

We break free not through struggle, but through allowing and release. We allow the chains to fall off us. We stop clinging to our own chains, the thoughtforms that we were taught would keep us accepted and safe--fear, worry, inadequacy, worthlessness, drama, jealousy, hatred. We do not have to cling to those thoughtforms. The thoughts are not us. Who we really are is so much wider and open and vast and wholly loving than that. The contraction is not us. We are the expansion. Mild contractions may add an enjoyable spice to the expansion, but not the crippling contractions of thought we have been taught to incorporate into our own selves.

In general, let action come through blossoming, not through swirling thought tornadoes of negative assumptions and drama, not through assumptions of worthlessness. Feel the blossoming, the expanding up through you, and follow that. When you hear worry and drama running through you, say hello to it. Tip your hat to it. Don't mistake it for yourself or for a manager of your life. Remember that you are you, wholly you, and that has always been enough. The blossoming will become more dominant and the confusing thought-swirls will die down over time.

When it gets rough, remember: Your operating system is changing. Your Operating System Is Changing. As in undeniable, certain, without question. It's okay to mistake the thoughts for yourself, to get caught up in the drama. It will happen until it doesn't anymore.

When you were a child, you started a collection. No one had the power to force you into starting your collection, but the voices outside you were so convincing, so sure, that you did as they did. It's a collection of thoughts believed. It's a collection of modes of being. You had the components of your collection stashed and displayed all over your house, and now you're getting rid of it.

Somebody told you someone was better than you or better off than you, and you believed it. You believed you weren't okay. You believed that everything you need should come from your own struggle and judgment. You forgot that you are everything, and that all resources are within you. You forgot your own magic. That was part of the "how-far-can-we-go game." You think you're not into extreme sports? Think again! Life in such a nest of assumptions is an extreme sport.

So now is the time of the releasing and the blossoming. Now is the time of recognizing a place so soft, so secure, so vibrant and abundant. That is your dwelling place. You're already there. You already are it. You're waking up from the dream of something else. Good morning!

If the idea of fixing your negative emotions or changing them into something positive feels less like progress and more like a burden, this perspective may help:

Emotions Are Like Butterflies--They Want to Be Free

Often when I'm writing, I keep getting a repeated image, idea or song. It's usually so persistent that I look it up to explore further. I'm calling it the meme of the day. Today's meme of the day is an odd one! It’s “Old Ironsides,” or the USS Constitution.

The USS Constitution is the oldest commissioned US battleship, launched in 1797. The sailors on this ship lead you through it and teach you about its history, pointing out how the oaken sides withstood the battering of cannonballs, thus the name “Ironsides.” Do you feel like the oldest battleship sometimes? You’re not being decommissioned or pulled apart for scrap, but your purpose is changing. You don’t need to fight anymore. The people who “board” you now want to explore and learn, not take you over or destroy you. You are stronger than you know and can withstand a number of blasts, but your primary purpose now is to float.

It is time to tell you we have always been here for you, and now you are accessing. What are you accessing? Your inner self. The part of you that is whole, united with everything. From this vantage point there can be no wrong, and nothing can go wrong.

Intensity is a pleasure, and right now you are experiencing the intensity of a dense human experience. An experience where limits and definitions are real, but so is a flower petal. Can you see how exquisitely pleasurable intensity and density can be? Feel the texture of the petal on your finger. Notice you have a finger. A finger! A triumph of density.

Now what if we altered the recipe a bit? Made it a bit lighter, ratcheted back the fear factor, exciting as it may be. You're currently lightening (or *en*-lightening) through release of negative energy.

When you’re aware of a negative emotion, it’s a sign that energy is on the move. E-motion = energy in motion. In this sense, you can welcome the negative emotion because it means something is surfacing, something is shifting. You are not your emotion. You can, however, recognize the emotion and open the door to let it float up and out. By not attaching to your emotion, clinging to it, begging it to stay, trying to fix it or force it into its opposite, you’re releasing what you don’t need. Out the door it goes.

When negative emotion arises, simply recognize an old pattern. Say, “Oh, that’s something I put in my basement (or my attic or my closet) because I thought I’d need it to know who I am. I know who I am now, and I can let the emotion out into the light. Energy wants to move! It’s a gift to move with it, to move in harmony with it rather than trying to harness or control it.

Humans, quite innocently, have hoarded emotion, not knowing what else to do with it, being surrounded with fearful messages about control. Now we’re waking up and realizing that the heave-ho we’re experiencing now is perfect. Not only that, but we have a crew to do the heavy lifting. We only have to allow the transformation.

When positive emotions come, they’re lovely waves that you can surf—love, enthusiasm, inspiration. They’re playmates. When something fear-based arises, it’s time to let it go its own way. You are free to choose your playmates and to allow the others to pass you by. You do not need to control or fix what does not resonate. Rather, just be the vehicle through which it can move.

If every particle has consciousness, you could recognize the process of releasing negative emotion as being kind to the trapped energy. If you don’t want to frolic with it, you let it float away on its own and take some other form. How to let the negative emotion out without acting on it and making it larger? There’s no hard and fast rule about your conduct. Trial and error will guide you through this. Just like a woman achieving a comfortable position in labor, you’ll learn what feels best to you as the dense feelings move through. One day it might be expressing yourself. The next it might be staying silent. You’ll know how each expression or nonexpression feels, and it will guide you.

There’s an old, old human pattern that wants to take charge and get into fix-it mode when negative energy arises. By trying to fix it, you’re holding onto it. “But how will anything change?!” you ask. With all the spring cleaning you’re doing, letting all those fear-based ideas fly out the open doors and windows, there’s plenty of space for positive energy to come in—inspiration, and enthusiasm. If you just trust the process, the surfacing of the old, the whooshing out, and the whooshing in of the new, you’ll be able to appreciate how perfect this set-up is. You don’t have to think about the in and out of breathing, do you? It’s the same with emotions. Out with what is not needed, in with what is appropriate for us.

Here’s the usual caveat: If it feels like life and movement and enthusiasm and progress to do something that looks like fixing it, then do it! Do it until the inspiration evaporates. The inspiration and energy will take you where you need to go. Concepts and rules of conduct will only take you so far. Inspiration will take you all the way.

So do we have negative emotions because something is someone else’s fault? We do not deny that it sure looks that way. But looking behind the surface, notice how you have been trained to blame, to spot the negative and proclaim it needs fixing, to trust in the action that comes from fear and judgment rather than the action that comes from inspiration and flow.

Blame and associated reactions will wither away in their own perfect time. It is not your job to force it out of your life. Your only job is to see, to notice, to consider a new perspective. The seeing will do its own work. You’ll notice that stances you could take before are unavailable to you now. You’ll engage yourself in conflict differently or not at all. You won’t be coming from a place of feeling threatened. You’ll be coming from a place of knowing that all is well.

There is a common idea about ascension/transformation that it is possible for people to miss the boat or to fail. Please recognize that as a very understandable human pattern of holding onto the fear. That pattern is unwinding.

When there is fear, just remember that you survive the fear every time. Say, “There is fear pinging within me right now, but it’s okay. It’s on the move, and I always regain my balance. I feel it moving, and I'm going to let it move out. I don’t need to fix anything from this place. I only need to do what feels good and act on the whiff of inspiration when it comes.”


Hoping I picked out parts that resonate. Wishing you love, energy and flow. :)

[LindseyLou]

Hi Pingline - Thanks

I really like:
"If you're noticing recurrent thoughts of death and utter failure, remember that you elected to go through a huge transformation in your right-now physical body, without dying. The death and failure thoughts are about the ending of a mode of being that is no longer suitable for you. The way of doing things is dying, but the physical body is sticking around."
I am bi-polar and need to keep to my routine so I will re-read this tomorrow, but I like it.

And Gem, yes, I do see a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

Meta,
LindseyLou

[EricDraven]

"A little hard to appreciate all the good this process is bringing in when you feel such dense clouds of negative energy, but remember that they're brushing past you on the way out. You are not the yuck. Repeat 1,000 times: I am not the yuck. When you poop, you don't mistake the poop for yourself, do you? You don't lament over your essential poopiness. You don't hold onto it and attempt to transform the poop into fruit loops. And the poop itself is not bad--it's simply the stuff your body doesn't need. You release without fanfare and move on. Therein lies the transformation."


pingline, that is hilarious, yet so true. I love your writing style, thanks for sharing these with us.

[pingline]

Thanks, Eric. :)