This is weird and beyond me-need to ask for help I think!

[ljepotica]

Hello all you lovely people:hug:

Ok so I have posted some posts before on this subject and have gotten brilliant advice on what to do AND I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE but I have no clue as to what is going on here.

Ok just to recap, I posted about my ex, we split up about 2 months ago, I posted various posts etc and then I posted one telling you that he gave me reasons why it didn't work out between us (HE GAVE ME CLOSURE-WHICH IS WHAT I WAS WAITING FOR!) and then I asked you to pray/send him positive thoughts which you did as he told me about some disturbing things about himself...

OK, so I did follow your advice about how to "break free" and I want to be friends with him. I have weighed up all sides of the argument, have thought and re-thought about whether he is right for me and know for a fact that he's not right for me.

I've been going out and meeting new people, I've been going out with friends etc...

The thing is: I feel some sadness, but it's not my sadness I feel it's coming from him. But I don't see why he/I should feel sad if we establised and agreed that we're just going to be friends.

WE both needed closure and got it, we told each other that we're not the right ones for each other-which is fine. I am fine. I have spent a lot of time asking myself personal questions, I have been very honest with myself-even if it hurt, for I have ultimate respect for honesty.

Why this feeling of sadness coming from him? Considering he was the first one to mention that we should end it?

Am I making sense?

Do I have to do something else?
Why this wierdness considering when I've broken up with other people before it's not been as weird as this.

Any advice as to what to say/do/think?

Sorry for this but I find this sadness rather annoying-and no I am not nostalgic and no I secretly deep down inside don't want to be with him...

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!?!?

[daisy]

quite simply i think you're both 'grieving' for want of a better word, time should cure this i think

[daisy]

and possibly a little afraid of fully letting go perhaps???

[Philip]

ljepotica,

Daisy, it seems to me has hit the nail on the head here. While we still cling to the idea that we "had" something or that something or someone was ours then grief, and the grief process, is a natural response.

To experience this in a more holistic way is to develop and this, or other life events, may be the catalyst for just such development.

[dreamer]

Maybe your honesty is hard for him to take?

[GoldChord]

Howdy,

I have to say I am impressed with your ability to be clear on what you want and how you want to engage with him. I think Daisy's answer is the right one. But I will add that it may not be grief for the relationship - but what the relationship stood for or what it could have been. I know that sounds odd - but many of us go in to relationships with a series of expectations for how we want to be and who we want to be (perhaps this was the case not only for him but you as well). When the relationship ends so does some of who we thought we were and where we could have gone.

OK so here comes the cranky part of the message - are you ready? Here goes. It sounds like you are doing an awful lot of convincing that it really is over. It seems like you are still hanging onto something in the break-up fallout here. Oooo aren't I harsh ... What I think it is - and I'm probably wrong, because I do not know you at all or your situation, so take this as speculation - I think you are still very much involved with his well-being. I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing - we should all care for each other and make sure that the people we care about are OK. But, you are obviously worrying about his welfare and how you can make it better. At the risk of sounding like a really mean and horrible person - that's not your job anymore - if it ever was. His sadness is his - not yours. I'm not saying you should be callous and uncaring - but it's not up to you to be the broker of his break-up grief.

Righto - sorry if that is upsetting to you or anyone else. It is not my intention to inflame any hurt feelings or add to your pain. You are obviously a wonderful and caring person. If some of this strikes a chord, I hope it can help. If not, then dismiss my ramblings as someone commenting on something they know nothing about.

Heaps of love to you.

Take care.

[ljepotica]

hey goldchord,

Firstly I appreciate what you said-I always prefer the honest opinions of people-even if truth hurts. I live my life the best I can and have always respected honesty so don't worry about upsetting me it's alright:)
You are right maybe I am grieving about the way it could have been...

Yes it is grief I guess but grief at how I feel this person has turned out to be...

Well it does happen it's true sometimes things don't work out in life but no big deal we move on and learn from the past.

Thank you for your advice guys.

God bless you all.

Lots of love and light:)
xxx

[cweiters]

Hay ljepotica I agree with daisy, grief a major symptom of detatchment, detoxing from any habit is not an easy. I've been guilty of running back to that old familar pain. Which in my opinion is not a good thing to do.


Love
cw

hey goldchord,

Firstly I appreciate what you said-I always prefer the honest opinions of people-even if truth hurts. I live my life the best I can and have always respected honesty so don't worry about upsetting me it's alright:)
You are right maybe I am grieving about the way it could have been...

Yes it is grief I guess but grief at how I feel this person has turned out to be...

Well it does happen it's true sometimes things don't work out in life but no big deal we move on and learn from the past.

Thank you for your advice guys.

God bless you all.

Lots of love and light:)
xxx

[mikron]

Whats occuring now more than ever is spiritual pressance of the Soul and in your case wants validation on the Soul Level and the courage it takes to be in this world ,Open to new possibilites and also being here on this forum is a right place !

Namaste mikron