bullying

[lumas]

Hi i have three wonderful boys and one of them was diagnosed aspergers syndrome some eight years ago which is a mild stream of autism basically its a social communication disorder.

This disorder makes him different from other kids he dosnt mix and dosnt know how to react and respond to certain situations and because he is tall has long hair and wears glasses he is a prime target for bullying however he is a very handsome young man and the girls love him (probably another reason why he is bullyed) whilst at school a grammer i might add he was subjected to verbal and physical abuse on a daily basis it would vary from obseneties written on his rucksac damage done to his bike to being headbutted and one day he came home completley coverd in yoghurt now obviously we approached the school and they told us that they were a gramma school and that this type of behaviour would not be tolerated and that they had a excellent anti bullying policy and that any damage done to his property would be paid for . Yeh right!! it transpired that the main culprit of all the bullying was a "lad" i will call him that out of politeness who was a year younger than my son and half his size but becuase he had his bruisers around him he felt as big by the way it was him who was doing all the headbutting and physical stuff because he knew he wouldnt be touched.

this went on for at least two years, and all came to a head this year on fathers day i own a beach hut down on the kent coast and i was enjoying a lovely day with my son and the rest of my family when who should appear with his girlfriend yep my sons worse nightmare the (little bully from school who is seventeen by the way) to our suprise didnt have his henchboys with him suppose his next best protection was a girl well my son was absolouty devistated and just said sorry to ruin your day dad but could we go home and i said no way why should we be intimidated by him which of course was exactly what he wanted so we stayed but you could cut the atmosphere with a knife well it was the nature of a bully i suppose couldnt keep his comments to himself and as my son came back from the beach his girlfriend said is that the geek from shcool you were talking about and he said yeh thats him and he walked towards us behind ny son then came up to me stood in my face and said why dont you all just f#####g go home now im six foot tall ex army and stocky and this fool just thought he could bully me as he did the school kids.

well that was it the straw that broke the camels back all i saw was this flash from my side as i saw my son steam into this boy for all he was worth and he laid him stone unconcious on the floor now at this stage i was totally taken aback and didnt know what to think i was so sad that my lovely son was driven to this but deeply deeply joyous at the fact that my son had stood up not just for himself but me as well was i wrong to think like this (espacially as it happened when he had his girlfriend with him classic) well the authorities thought so because he ended up with a caution for common assault on his record theres justice for you !!!

we still get intimidation from this boy and is constantly threatening my son with retribution and stating "your day will come" he thinks he is now above the law will he ever learn well thats the end of my rant for anybody going through similar situations my heart and loving thoughts go out to you it really does...

[rose]

oh i do sympathise and understand your mixed response to his kicking *** :D

sometmes by ignoring bullies they DO not go away but see it as weakness. there is no one way to deal with them...each one is individual with different reasons for bullying. sounds like this little brat feels a bit too full of bravado. it's good that your son stood up to him.

he sounds like a lovely boy actually, your son. you're very blessed.

in my early teens i was constantly harrassed by one boy, who did the same to other girls. he liked to belittle those he thought were weaker than him. i took it very hard, as many others. he did it in such a way that he made us think we were the only one who was being put down. we girls discussed him once, years later and it seems he did a lot of damage to many girl's self esteem. in those special, formative years.

it turns out that his father put him down mercilessly all the time, called him useless etc. and a girl!

finding out this helped me and others to forgive him. i think there was a cycle happening. i haven't seen him since but i hope he has ended it. i hope his father did too.

all the best for you and your boy :D :hug2:

[~Jay~]

Aww, I really feel for you and your son lumas, as I too have been a target for bullying during my life, and especially at secondary school. The only way I put a stop to it was to beat the **** out of two girls in succession, one night in the local park! I got the nick-name "Rocky" for ages afterwards, after the Sylvester Stallone movies, and was treated with the utmost caution. :D

I don't condone violence of course, but I'm just telling my own experience after trying ignore tactics, avoidance, telling those in 'authority' etc.etc. In the end, the pent-up emotion got so much, and I think the physical fight was a release!

I'm dreading these sort of situations occuring in my sons' lives, having kids is like having part of your heart living seperately from your body, and any hurt they feel is also felt accutely by us parents.

Wishing you & your lovely son all the best. :hug:

[dreamer]

Hey Lumas, sounds like an awful situation but good on your son for standing up for himself. It sounds as though your sons bully has some deep seated insecurity probably from being abused himself in some way, although this may not help immediately it may be useful to know that people who bully tend to bully those who remind them of a part of themself that they are finding difficult to reconcile and are fighting against or they are jealous, it's interesting that he looks at your son as being a geek, therefore it may be that he is in some way is battling against some "strangeness" that he perceives himself to have probably after being told so by his parents/family. It would be interesting to know where his anger comes from, one thing I would say is that the fact your son knocked him out betrays a realisation on the bullys part that he had it coming, and a lack of belief in the way he treats your son - like Rose says bravado with a belief that he is wrong hidden behind it.

I had a similar situation a couple of times when I was growing up cos we moved a lot and at each new school it took a while to "prove" myself, the problem is if you don't fit in nob ends like this think they can take advantage. My parents actually ended up arranging a meeting between us and the bully's families, they went out of there way to be friendly to the bullies parents on both occasions, like a clear the air drink and chat about how parenting is difficult and they knew the lads weren't bad etc etc. This had two effects first we saw how awful the parents were to the bullies in question "he's always been a nightmare etc etc" and the second was that I actually built some sort of respectful relationship with the said bullies, not in a ny major way but as a respectful aquaintance sort of thing, my parents also took time to make the lads in question feel worthwhile, took their side when the parents were slagging them off to some extent. It was all a bit weird to be honest and my parents are somewhat strange in a great way, it wasn't something I wanted to do either time but it worked well and meant i wasn't bothered anymore.

Thought i'd share these thoughts, hope thats okay.

[daisy]

Hi i have three wonderful boys and one of them was diagnosed aspergers syndrome some eight years ago which is a mild stream of autism basically its a social communication disorder.

This disorder makes him different from other kids he dosnt mix and dosnt know how to react and respond to certain situations and because he is tall has long hair and wears glasses he is a prime target for bullying however he is a very handsome young man and the girls love him (probably another reason why he is bullyed) whilst at school a grammer i might add he was subjected to verbal and physical abuse on a daily basis it would vary from obseneties written on his rucksac damage done to his bike to being headbutted and one day he came home completley coverd in yoghurt now obviously we approached the school and they told us that they were a gramma school and that this type of behaviour would not be tolerated and that they had a excellent anti bullying policy and that any damage done to his property would be paid for . Yeh right!! it transpired that the main culprit of all the bullying was a "lad" i will call him that out of politeness who was a year younger than my son and half his size but becuase he had his bruisers around him he felt as big by the way it was him who was doing all the headbutting and physical stuff because he knew he wouldnt be touched.

this went on for at least two years, and all came to a head this year on fathers day i own a beach hut down on the kent coast and i was enjoying a lovely day with my son and the rest of my family when who should appear with his girlfriend yep my sons worse nightmare the (little bully from school who is seventeen by the way) to our suprise didnt have his henchboys with him suppose his next best protection was a girl well my son was absolouty devistated and just said sorry to ruin your day dad but could we go home and i said no way why should we be intimidated by him which of course was exactly what he wanted so we stayed but you could cut the atmosphere with a knife well it was the nature of a bully i suppose couldnt keep his comments to himself and as my son came back from the beach his girlfriend said is that the geek from shcool you were talking about and he said yeh thats him and he walked towards us behind ny son then came up to me stood in my face and said why dont you all just f#####g go home now im six foot tall ex army and stocky and this fool just thought he could bully me as he did the school kids.

well that was it the straw that broke the camels back all i saw was this flash from my side as i saw my son steam into this boy for all he was worth and he laid him stone unconcious on the floor now at this stage i was totally taken aback and didnt know what to think i was so sad that my lovely son was driven to this but deeply deeply joyous at the fact that my son had stood up not just for himself but me as well was i wrong to think like this (espacially as it happened when he had his girlfriend with him classic) well the authorities thought so because he ended up with a caution for common assault on his record theres justice for you !!!

we still get intimidation from this boy and is constantly threatening my son with retribution and stating "your day will come" he thinks he is now above the law will he ever learn well thats the end of my rant for anybody going through similar situations my heart and loving thoughts go out to you it really does...

i'm pm you!

[daisy]

[QUOTE=dreamer]Hey Lumas, . It sounds as though your sons bully has some deep seated insecurity probably from being abused himself in some way,

i'm really sorry dreamer i can't agree with this, IMO lumas's sons bully is just that, a bully!!! because he enjoys doing it and the power trip, kids have no consideration for anyone else and their feelings other than there own these days, it's me me me and if they don't get what they want they kick off and don't care who they hurt in the process.

also again IMO an abused person doesn't normally abuse, in my eyes this is an excuse

i know exactly what i'm talking about here and have probably said far too much for my own good already, apologies for any offence, i think i shpuld stay out of this thread:confused:

[developing1]

Interesting topic and I'm glad your son has stood up to this guy!

maybe it was a lesson your son has to go through, i;e working through his karma

I have been bulied throughout my life even tho I'm 6'4 and 17 stone, but am as soft and gentle as can be!

In all honesty i think if the bullying is mental then it's far worse as if we're being bullied physically then it would inspire us to learn self defence and kick some ***! LOL

seriously tho,if its mental bullying then we must look at it like this- words can hurt but only if we let them! no-one can hurt us mentally unless some weakness, foolishness or vanity in ourselves invites the experience if we look at it in this way then you trully see the bully for what they are PATHETIC!!!!

best wishes

developing1:smile: :smile:

[lumas]

Thank you all for your support and kind words i know there will be so many of you going through similar cases and my heart goes out to you all. After the incident i tried to tell his parents about the bullying issue at school and his fathers response was, my lad would never have done those things your boy must have provoked him (who do you blame!!!) rant over thankyou...

[cweiters]

Lumas, now that your son is no longer afraid, all the bully have left are his words. Word are only as strong as the power we give them.

This child is hurting, things are not always as it appear. A bully only pick on someone he feels is weaker than he. The reason is this will make him fill stronger or deminish the pain he's feeling inside.

Because my son is heavy or what other kids call fat he has been the target this year. I tell him to continue to display his peaceful nature for all to see. So when he is forced to swing on another boy all will know him to be a peaceful person who was only defending himself.
The school police got involved the last time, he knew my son so he told the two boys to shake hands and be friends. I was grateful he didn't get suspended from school.

Please tell you son I am very proud of him too..

Love
cw

[daisy]

i really daren't comment further, this subject makes my blood boil, i will try to keep out of this thread, but you good people please keep talking,it does help others, this subject is swept under the carpet far too often imo, my heart and love goes out to all who have suffered bullying whatever its form or sourcexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[BLAIR2BE]

i agree with daisy... bullying is a very nasty side affect of the current "human condition", or whatever one calls the "state of affairs" of humans in the world today. i too, will not get into this, for my own reasons; but it is good to address this topic. i loath bullies.....

[lumas]

Thank you cweiters lovely words and thank you for a response blair2be i can understand why you dont want to get involved in this thread believe me what i posted was a greatly toned down version of the boiling rage that was inside me over this issue i was in two minds wether to post a thread or not but as daisy said its good for some people to get it of thier chest and who knows maybe they will even find some sort of comfort or solution to their problem so am glad i did love and thoughts of strength and courage to all who are subjected to this.....

[nuttynana]

Hi Lumas just read this story, i too have a lad with similar circumstances ant these children may have difficulties but are so affectionate.sorry but well done to your son for sticking up for hisself, you can only take so much.dont agree with this in all time but do in this. take care lumas regards nutty nana xx

[BLAIR2BE]

right;
even for the most non violent of people, how many times would you allow yourself to be pushed, before pushing back........

[daisy]

hmm i'd be lying on the floor black n blue i reckon

[cweiters]

I must say non violent demonstrations have proven to have a very positive effect on society at large. Although, as and indiviual we ask ourselves this question regarding many different types of abuse "When is enough, enough"?

Love
cw