lack of protection at times

[cloud9]

I'm not sure which category to place this under, but I placed it here because I don't always get the protection I need. Let me explain.

This is a long story about what happened in high school so I'll just say that I had a bullying problem. I never want to see anyone from there again. The other day I took a family member's kid to a local shelter to see the animals. All the cat and dog rooms looked the same with glass walls and unlocked doors. Although I saw a few cat rooms with cats roaming without cages, I passed by because I assumed the doors were locked. After passing them a few times, the kid noticed several other kids playing with friendly cats in those rooms and told me we could play in there. So, I checked to see if the door was unlocked in one of the cat rooms. It was so I assumed it was open to the public like the rest of the unlocked look alike rooms. The kid (*using "kid" term so I don't need to write name) had cats at home so knew how to handle them. When we walked near the back of the room, a woman sitting on the concrete outside the cat room next door kept giving us a dirty look (and I think she laughed at times). When I motioned if everything was ok, she still kept giving me a dirty look. If she didn't want me in the room, she should have verbally communicated it to me or given me a hand gesture to leave. I was confused because she looked like someone snobby from my high school, but I wasn't sure if it was just someone who looked like her. Or I don't know if she was giving me a dirty look because she didn't want me in the room or if she was just someone from my high school carrying on the immaturity. I also didn't know if it was someone who had issues to act unprofessional like that. I just ignored her since I already tried to communicate with her, but she didn't respond.

All the kid did was pet the cats from time to time or watch them play. Maybe she kept staring to make sure we didn't harm the cats, but she didn't have to give us a constant dirty look. Not that we were in there a long time, but I got tired of her dirty looks so I moved to the front of the room while the kid continued to pet a cat near the back of the room. At this moment, the kid accidentally stepped on a small paper plate of mashed cat food on the ground. Yep...it got on her shoes. So, I took a tissue out of my purse and wiped it off. Then, I left the room for a second to throw the tissue in a garbage can in the hall directly across the room. As I re-entered the room, a different staff member told me we were not allowed in the room. I told her that I was sorry, I didn't know that. I really didn't know since the door was unlocked and kids were playing in other cat rooms. As we walked away and entered the dog area, I felt someone staring at me so I turned my head and that staff worker was staring suspicously at me like I was a shoplifter. I don't know if she was one of the staff members the staff member who gave me dirty looks was hanging out with outside. I didn't mind her telling me we weren't allowed in the room since that's what I was trying to ask the other staff member who kept giving us dirty looks. But, I didn't think it was right for her to stare at me like a shoplifter if we didn't intentionally do anything wrong.

I'm not into cats so I didn't even care be in that room. It was the kid's birthday who was having the greatest time being with the cats. What I am saying is everything I did that day was all for the kid. Nothing was for me, but I feel like I was punished that day if this was a girl from my high school still giving me dirty looks years later. It's like why do bad things happen when I'm trying to do good for others? If it was her, I don't know if she will notify others she keeps in touch with that I'm so dumb I went into a room I wasn't allowed to go into and my kid (she probably thought it was my kid, but it's not) dumb like me for stepping in cat food.

I don't feel protected when I see people who acted like I wasn't good enough in the past and they receive verification that I'm an idiot who doesn't deserve their respect.

[Phoenix Rising]

Cloud, you need to stop right there. First of all, you are not an idiot, so stop telling yourself this. Second, she very well could of been staff on her break and gave you that look because she didn't want to have to come tell you that room was off limits to the public. This happens not only to you, it has happened to me and I am sure several others who inadvertently go into wrong places and disturb people on their breaks as well. You will get such a dirty look when that happens. :smile: This person could of been outside cooling off from having an argument with someone and were still thinking about it when they looked up at you.

Secondly, you are giving away your power by allowing yourself to be a victim of the past. High school maybe over for you but that does not mean it is for others. I have seen so many grown people that can't seem to let that mindset go. Personally, I feel sorry for people who behave like this because high school must of been the only time they felt good about themselves because they felt that they were in control but somewhere along the line the tables have turned and now someone has control over them.

You need to find a way not to let this bother you so much because the more you do, the more it's going to upset you. People like pushing other's buttons once they find them and I think yours would be easy to spot from what you wrote. And you could be upsetting yourself over nothing, since you don't have all the facts behind why that person is glaring or staring at you. As I stated, it might not be you at all but someone else.

And on the topic of staring, there is a form of epilepsy that causes staring. They are not even aware of you, it's like they get frozen in time until they come out of it. So wherever they happen to be looking at the time is where the eyes will remain.

It's all about knowing the facts of something before casting a judgement on someone. Hope this helps you in some way.

[cloud9]

Thank you, Phoenix Rising.

I thought if it was the person from high school giving me a dirty look because she didn't like me and watching me to find something to make fun of me, I wasn't going to let her intimidate me so I stayed in the room. I also motioned her if everything was ok, but she didn't respond and that reminded me of high school of her not thinking I was worth talking to. If she was on break, there were other workers around since it was like being in a fishbowl with all the glass walls. Since the kid was going to an event with staff later that evening, I hope she wasn't one of the staff members interacting with my child. Since I want nothing to do with those people from high school, I want them to know nothing about me to talk about me when my goal is to be forever forgotten. I think that's where the main fear came from.

Although I think what's the big deal about someone being in the wrong room or stepping in food, it's the person I thought I saw who brought the fear. If it wasn't a staff member with a familiar face, I wouldn't feel fear or would have mor of a carefree attitude about it. I just thought it was strange the staff seemed to exaggerate something so ordinary.

When the other staff member said we weren't allowed in the room, there was a cat who got into the offensive position. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. This is a cat who came to greet me when I came back into the room after throwing the tissue in the garbage can, then the staff worker came in right after me to ask me to leave. She had such a serious look on her face. I don't know if the cat reacted to her fear (maybe fear of telling someone to get out) or my startled reaction when she came out of nowhere behind me. I hope the cat stood up for me. Just kidding since she did nothing wrong by telling me to leave, but her demanor still was inappropriate.

[cloud9]

I guess being concerned about this person telling others I am or my child is dumb and laughing about it shows the person she is. Her thoughts are low and if others want to share in the lowness, it is a pathetic way to obtain happiness. Thinking about it this way gives me closure.

[cloud9]

I forgot to ask why I am not sometimes protected when I come across people like this who are not in my best interest? What I mean is I wish the universe would not have us come across each other by one of us being somewhere else at the moment.

Have you experienced this as well?

[Dude]

Maybe you have something to learn from it? it seems your still not sure if it was one of the girls from high school or someone that looks very much like her, I have people I would rather never see again and unfortunately seeing lookalikes can invoke the same feelings the actual person would- we need to remember that this can cause us to send out bad vibes unintentially to someone we dont even know- twice I have been on the receiving end of this, the first time I was just quite disturbed by how negative she was and how strong it felt, the second time I went on the defencive and was giving looks back thinking wth is their problem etc... And so the negativity spreads! The fact is, the feelings we get from seeing people that look like those that have hurt (us or the people themselves), is a sign we have things to work on, if we don't we just carry it around with us.
I also agree with Phoenix rising (fab name) that there could be many reasons for how she behaved and it was probably nothing to do with you at all and if standing on a cat bowl on the floor makes you an idiot then what chance do the rest of us have- I have stood in far worse things lol, and frequently in cat dishes and most the time it was me who put them there so I have no excuse!
I really don't think you need "protection" I think you have something you need to heal from, maybe a therapist/ counsellor could be of benefit. But as I do like my crystals 😻 Maybe look at getting a little fire agate tumble stone to keep in your pocket and just rub it at any times you feel someone is being negative towards you. I'm only suggesting it as you keep talking about protection- I dont think you need it but fire agate is supposed to send negativity back and help the person understand the effects of sending it out, as well as giving you a Sence of security. Always bear in mind that we often get back what we send out though so even for those that have hurt us if we wanted to cause them harm, really it's not beneficial to us, your aim should be to not take on people's negativity and find peace in yourself

[cloud9]

Thanks for the fire agate tip.

I wasn't giving her a dirty look. I looked her way and saw her staring at me giving me a nonstop dirty look before I had time to recognize her face.

I'm not sure what you meant about causing others harm. I was only joking about the cat standing up for me (and it was with the other worker, not the one giving me the dirty looks) when I was kicked out. It did the Halloween cat pose that cats do from time to time when they are scared. It might have been because the cat knew the worker and the worker had cold demeanor to me like I don't belong that the cat sensed, but I'm not sure why the cat did it after I was walking away. So, I'm not sure who it was directed towards.