What is going on?

Hi there. It has been such a long time since I have been here. Trying to succeed at internet marketing has kept me busy. Only to find out it is just a big scam. Did not want to give up but I finally had to realise its just a load of hogwash from people trying to scheme your money out of your pocket. I really need to know why does nothing work out for me. I have been scratching in myself for many years now trying to create my inner reality to manifest on the outside but it doesn't seem to work out like that. I am 45 years now and it has been over 25years that I have tried to succeed. There is nothing I haven't done to help myself. Every project I try ends up in failure. I find my soul to be very tired from all this trying and disappointments. From every failure I just pick myself up and try again. Getting my drivers license is the same thing. I failed six times even though I know how to drive. I tried to clear my energy. Worked on my subconscious to eliminate destructive beliefs. Read how to get rich books. self development books. Do the exercises but nothing helps. I run to hell and back trying to fix all that is wrong in it, nothing. I try to release and let go as well, trying to trust the universe but I become more financially needy and having to rely on others to feed me. I go out looking for a job, but it seems I have worked everywhere already. I am very spiritual but the need to be independent and self reliant is just as strong and the drive to move forward wont ease up inside of me. There was a time when I had a shop and it was going well but the people in my community were jealous and didn't want me there. They went to see witchdoctors to drive me out. In the long run I lost everything and had to move away from their hate. I cannot get to that level again in the place where I am now and all my projects fail. I am a strong believer but sometimes I believe my life is cursed. Why do I have all this bad luck that even the smallest thing becomes a struggle and battle. Is there anyone that can help me or advise me as to what is going on and what I need to do. I have run out of options and I feel very tired from all my trials. Thank you

First of all let me say that I really admire your drive and ambition. It's something I lack in. I didn't always lack in these areas. I was very ambitious but like you I eventually got tired. Now I'm trying to just be and replenish my energy until I figure out what to do next with my life. It's ok to do that sometimes. We need to give ourselves permission to rest every now and again in this fast paced world.

You're very strong to keep trying to succeed throughout these "failures". I think that each attempt of success surely had a lesson within it? Maybe everything you've tried so far is a stepping stone towards the success you want to achieve.

It's unfortunate that people were jealous of your success. Jealousy is something I've had to deal with all my life and it's very unpleasant when people act on their jealousy. The problem lies within them and their insecurities. It's not your problem which makes the whole jealousy thing so unfair.

I hope you will get the reward for all your hard work soon :)

[Mr Interesting]

I found, and I may do so again, that the trick for me was making the success internal... being right into what every I was doing at any given point, and if I found that I wasn't into something then what was it about that made me not be absolutely into it.

Number one; external success is both unreliable, in the sense that it doesn't always mirror what we find in ourselves to be successful, and it's too dependent on what other think... so it can be a minefield for determining our own internal value.

Doing from our heart, what really does it for us, makes us dig deep and makes us strong in realising what we are actually able to take on may not lead to an outer success that we might consider successful but it does lead to a place where we are strong and unyeilding; in the sense of being moral and ethical.

[linen53]

I was a "success" freak for many years. Striving to be a achieve my goals. I felt driven because I felt I had a purpose, a cause a higher calling. Well, the kids got raised, and I got older and then my spiritual awaking really began in earnest. I soon realized that I just didn't have this higher calling. Hanging up my mantle was such a relief. I didn't have to carry that burden around anymore. I realized that I am here just doing what I am supposed to be doing (just like everyone else): Living my life and learning what I came here to learn.

Here are a few short articles from the Tiny Buddha that might help me explain this better than I am able to:

The first one is Let Go of Control; How to Learn the Art of Surrender

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-of...-of-surrender/

The second article is Make Up Your Mind to Go Wit the Flow

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/make-up-y...with-the-flow/

I know this isn't probably what you want to hear, but fighting against Universe is futile.

Another short article:

To go with the flow means to stop trying to swim against the tide of life circumstances and change. It is possible to swim upstream of course, but it is exhausting!

We go against the tide when we try to fight reality, and resist change. Change is going to happen, whether you like it or not. Struggling against the changes life brings is not going to achieve anything but frustration and stress.

If we go with the flow we become fluid and flexible. Taking on a free-flowing attitude allows us to be like water. Water is the most powerful substance, able to wear away the hardest of obstacles and to pass through seemingly impassable places.

http://www.choosing-life-my-way.com/...-the-flow.html

[NyarDream]

Striving for success can be a terrible addiction. It can end up consuming your entire life, and in the end, the result will NEVER be what you thought it would be. That's true both in success and failure. For many years I relentlessly strove for success, and even achieved some. But at some point you just have to stop, and like linen53 said, a huge burden will be lifted. You'll eventually realize that you were indeed going against the current and it was causing a lot of needless suffering.

Raeesa, I'd like to add that some positive affirmations would help you, as long as you feel downtrodden, and that you have bad luck, it is hindering the very things that you are seeking. Really try to feel deserving of good fortune, and know that everything will change for the better.