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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 01-03-2018, 01:14 PM
SlayerOfLight SlayerOfLight is offline
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Why friends can never be family...

It's true that to many of us not all family members are like family at all, but still that doesn't mean friends can be concidered family because there's a clear difference between the two that can't be compared. I've personally witnessed great family-like friendships that lasted for very long periods only to be over in a whim because of something silly. From my perspective, close family members NEED you and give you a reason to live. Friends don't, because they have their own lives and don't need you. Rather, they merely tolerate you in their lives because they like to hang out with you. But in the end you aren't needed by them, and they certainly aren't something worth living for if you have no family left of your own.

just my thoughts.
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  #2  
Old 01-03-2018, 06:27 PM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
It's true that to many of us not all family members are like family at all, but still that doesn't mean friends can be concidered family because there's a clear difference between the two that can't be compared. I've personally witnessed great family-like friendships that lasted for very long periods only to be over in a whim because of something silly. From my perspective, close family members NEED you and give you a reason to live. Friends don't, because they have their own lives and don't need you. Rather, they merely tolerate you in their lives because they like to hang out with you. But in the end you aren't needed by them, and they certainly aren't something worth living for if you have no family left of your own.

just my thoughts.

There are a lot of "trendies" that like to call their close friends family - often they are over compensating I find.
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  #3  
Old 01-03-2018, 07:53 PM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Well, i am the black sheep in my family, friends ugh.. well all my old friends i don't hang out with any more, i may see them here an there but people get busy and have there own family's an stuff. When i was a teenager i had a group of friends who, we were like brothers, we helped each other and ran a muck together. These days i have other friends who i see every now an then. I have seen family members have fights with each other an never speak with one another again, and the same with people who were friends. Animals make good friends.

If someone has never known there biological family an grew up an was taken in by another family are they there family or friends? family doesn't always have to be like a house hold family thing i don't think.. some times people call others there family when they are a group of people they are close to an can relate to or makes them feel like they belong, maybe more then there biological family but humans are all related like one big family anyway, right? I still get what you mean Slayer, relative family members most seem to be more closer with and they are more helpful and stuff then friends, for most people.
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Old 17-03-2018, 09:51 PM
blackraven blackraven is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
It's true that to many of us not all family members are like family at all, but still that doesn't mean friends can be concidered family because there's a clear difference between the two that can't be compared. I've personally witnessed great family-like friendships that lasted for very long periods only to be over in a whim because of something silly. From my perspective, close family members NEED you and give you a reason to live. Friends don't, because they have their own lives and don't need you. Rather, they merely tolerate you in their lives because they like to hang out with you. But in the end you aren't needed by them, and they certainly aren't something worth living for if you have no family left of your own.

just my thoughts.

I agree with what you're saying, Slayer. For example, family members quite often tolerate much more from each other than friends do. I have had and lost many friends in life because of slights on either their part or mine. Whereas family members have been mentally abusive to me for many years and now that they are aging I find myself just waving all those transgressions to the side. These family members are now starting to rely on me so the emotional torture has stopped. But it's family - right? What ya gonna do? As ethics go, unless a person has been severely abused in life by a family member, it seems the right thing in keeping up these life long connections and commitments no matter how dysfunctional they may be at times. One of my remaining friends just happens to be my sister. Sure we disagree and are very different (probably wouldn't have a relationship if we were just friends), but were family and so the bond stays there for life.

On another note, soul families often bring people together that aren't the biological family people are born into. I've had such soulful friends who I was convinced were people in my soul group. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't and I just felt they were. I even thought my connection with them was more important than those I had with family members. But like you talked about, they came and went and are long gone.
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Old 17-03-2018, 10:51 PM
innerlight innerlight is offline
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The household that you are born into, makes you blood. It does not make you family. The way you treat each other, is what makes you family. I've seen people taken to hell, and abused/emotionally by those they were born into their relations. And would not stop it, or step back from it, because they were "family" and that made it OK in their eyes.

People of all wakes and sizes can be stabbed in the back by those they think are "family" just as much as they think they were friends. People think they become duty bound to those they are blood with, and will give up their own happiness to please them. At the end of ones days it is their own life they live. Not another's.

There are many that do adhere to the thought that their family "needs" them and fall prey to being taken advantage of by a "family" member because of it. I think it's something most find in their lives because they have an "emptiness" within them. That they need someone else to fill it. Whether it is family or relationships.

Familial bonds can be very deep, and people can become very, very connected to each other because of it. But the same can also be said about friends too.
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Old 18-03-2018, 12:08 AM
blackraven blackraven is offline
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Originally Posted by innerlight
The household that you are born into, makes you blood. It does not make you family. The way you treat each other, is what makes you family. I've seen people taken to hell, and abused/emotionally by those they were born into their relations. And would not stop it, or step back from it, because they were "family" and that made it OK in their eyes.

People of all wakes and sizes can be stabbed in the back by those they think are "family" just as much as they think they were friends. People think they become duty bound to those they are blood with, and will give up their own happiness to please them. At the end of ones days it is their own life they live. Not another's.

There are many that do adhere to the thought that their family "needs" them and fall prey to being taken advantage of by a "family" member because of it. I think it's something most find in their lives because they have an "emptiness" within them. That they need someone else to fill it. Whether it is family or relationships.

Familial bonds can be very deep, and people can become very, very connected to each other because of it. But the same can also be said about friends too.

I definitely have to say I also agree with what you're saying, Innerlight. I think when a person is pressured into staying in relationships with blood family members when they've been and continue to be abused is a recipe for disaster. An individual in such circumstances needs to have a serious conversation with him or herself and do what's best for himself/herself. Family or friend, neither gets to mistreat others without consequences. Sometimes one just has to walk away and that includes walking away from blood relatives too.
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Old 18-03-2018, 03:17 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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Interesting subject. Well I don't have family anymore. It was a dysfunctional family at its best. There was a lot of abuse in childhood so when I was grown I chose to separate myself from the lot. I haven't attended a family get together in 40 years.

No pity party here, I made my bed so I have to lie in it. Most of the older family members have died off and the younger generations weren't raised together so there is no more family unit.

For awhile I followed some on social media but I've been out of the family drama for so many years I just didn't feel comfortable re-exposing myself to it again so I signed out and never went back.

I do have friends but they are casual friends. I haven't had a close friend in so many years I can't remember the last one.

I have my husband that I am close to, but he has a life outside our relationship and I don't hold him back.

Am I lonely? I'd have to say not often. I like being alone most of the time, and if I really wanted to get out more I would, but mostly I don't because I've learned to like myself and my alone time.
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  #8  
Old 18-03-2018, 05:20 PM
Blue Tiger Blue Tiger is online now
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My family? Have my back? Not a chance!

My family has a glorious tradition of emotional abuse and blackmail, cutting each other out of their lives over imagined slights, decades long gaps between seeing each other, and extremely poor communication skills.

If you are blessed with a warm loving supportive family, then yes your premise is probably right. But if you have a dysfunctional family chances are your friends are FAR more likely to come to your aid, drop what they're doing to help, and be a shoulder for you to lean on.

That said, I cling to no one. People come and go through my life and I am fine with that for the most part. Like Linen53 I am alone a lot, but rarely lonely. I cherish my alone time. Better to be alone than in the midst of a quarrelsome group of "family."
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  #9  
Old 18-03-2018, 05:38 PM
SeaZen SeaZen is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight
It's true that to many of us not all family members are like family at all, but still that doesn't mean friends can be concidered family because there's a clear difference between the two that can't be compared. I've personally witnessed great family-like friendships that lasted for very long periods only to be over in a whim because of something silly. From my perspective, close family members NEED you and give you a reason to live. Friends don't, because they have their own lives and don't need you. Rather, they merely tolerate you in their lives because they like to hang out with you. But in the end you aren't needed by them, and they certainly aren't something worth living for if you have no family left of your own.

just my thoughts.

I disagree completely and wholeheartedly with this post on many levels. I have friends that I have grown up with that if something happened where I needed their help, they would be out there in a heartbeat.

I also disagree in part that close family members need you and give you a reason to live. Yes they can and do need you but they don't give me a reason to live...I provide myself with a reason to live. Young dependent children that are your sons and daughters are the exception as they depend on you to live. As far as husbands and wives are concerned, in a healthy relationship, they provide INSPIRATION to live, not a reason to live....big difference.

As far as friends not "needing" me, I prefer to NOT have "needy" friends and avoid that at all costs. Needy clingy friends leads to a negative co-dependent entanglement that is bad for all parties involved. That said, I WILL come to the aid of a friend in need and many times if need be e.g. during the death of a loved one, divorce or some other major traumatic event... but for day in day out or even weekly pity party "woe is me" sessions that are general in nature and unrelated to some traumatic event, NO WAY...thats what professional counselors and therapists are for.
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  #10  
Old 02-04-2018, 08:33 PM
Theophila Theophila is offline
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I don’t agree. The worst backstabbing I’ve gotten was from a relative. I was also scammed for money from another. I think in life you are blessed with some close relationships which can be either related or not . It’s one of those situations I believe you can’t blanket with one solid theory.
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